This Means War Page #6

by Gustav Klimt.

- Huh?

- Yeah. Austrian cat. Boy can paint.

Ain't you never seen The Kiss?

You know, like that:

Yeah, no, of course I have.

Is this what I think it is?

You're a fan?

- Of Gustav Klimt?

- Of Gustav Klimt.

- He's my favorite artist.

- He's my favorite artist.

This is incredible.

- Are these real?

- Yeah.

Okay, stop.

- You recognize this?

- Yes.

- The Harpist, 1895?

- I have this...

- Seen it in a book.

- Pre-secession movement.

Look at the tension between

two-and three-dimensionality.

The tension between

two-and three-dimensionality.

- Incredible. This is my favorite.

- How do you know?

Undine, 1902.

Undine, 1902.

Oh, my goodness, this is amazing.

Innovation became intrinsic....

To Degas and other modernists.

You can see influence of art nouveau.

Strong advocate

of finger-painting movement.

What?

Hey. We lost contact.

Sometimes he would

finger his paintings to get closer to them.

He, uh, used his....

He would...

The intimacy with the canvas

to finger a painting...

To...

Rather to paint using hands.

Sometimes,

he would use mud and sticks.

You know, he used mud and sticks... Ahem.

He did?

- If he couldn't find a stick...

- If he couldn't find a stick...

- ...he would use his dick.

- ... he'd just use his...

What?

Oh, son of a b*tch. Who is...?

- Ha, ha.

- Ugh!

You know, I think enough talking.

Let's let the paintings speak

for themselves.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

That is so beautiful.

It's amazing.

Just incredible.

Yeah. It is.

Thank you.

- Hello?

- Hey, it's me.

- How did it go?

- They both went well. Too well.

- I don't know what to do.

- That's awesome. I'm coming over.

Go up on 5.

Let's just pump the audio a little bit.

Are you sure about this, sir? We might

have some constitutional issues here.

Patriot Act.

- So how was it?

- They're both incredible.

Uh, FDR has these amazing eyes

that you just wanna melt into.

So beautiful.

He brings out the best in me.

He really challenges me.

But he's that guy who's always on,

he's superslick.

Sometimes, I think he doesn't care

about anything more than himself.

Well, they say it's a sanctuary for them,

but it's... Here it is.

- This is amazing.

- It's really more of a sanctuary for me.

- Hey, Rebecca.

- Who's that man?

- Hey, Betty.

- Excuse me?

I just had no idea

you were so passionate about animals.

Yeah. Animals and kids.

What's up?

- How you doing, Nick?

- What?

There are a lot of things

you don't know about me...

- ...and it takes a while for me to open up.

- I can see that.

Oh, what's the matter?

- What's the matter, you?

- Hey, little guy.

- What's going on?

- You okay?

- Are you allowed to open the cages?

- All the time.

- Okay.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Hey, Snuggles, how are you, bud?

- It's a Boston terrier.

I love these dogs. Hi.

Hi.

Yeah. That's a lot of energy.

I love this place.

Mm.

- What's in your mouth?

- A lot of dog hair.

- Yeah.

- So....

I know.

Big mess.

- Do you wanna help me pick one out?

- You're gonna adopt a dog?

I think it's time for me to be responsible

for something other than myself, you know?

Wow, I think that's so great.

Okay.

Let's pick the saddest,

oldest bastard here.

Okay, what about Tuck?

Uh, Tuck is great.

He's sweet, he's ki...

We have so much fun.

More fun that I've ever had

in my entire life.

But he's maybe too sweet?

A little earnest?

Uh, sort of safe.

Yeah. That's boring. I almost fell

asleep just listening to that.

Safe.

Okay, I think I'm ready.

- You ever carried a weapon before?

- You know...

Not really, no.

Okay. Okay. I need you to keep that end

of the weapon well away from me, clear?

- Okay.

- Thumbs up.

- This will be fun.

- No.

It's not fun.

It's dangerous.

Hey, watch there.

- Men! Move.

- My face!

Oh, my God.

Man, come on.

- Come on.

- Oh!

Okay.

Oh, God, I gotta get the goggles on.

This is very stressful!

- Clear. We're coming out. Okay, come on.

- Okay.

Get him!

- No head shots!

- That's illegal.

Oh, my God.

I'm scared.

It's a grenade!

How you like me now.

How you like me now.

Who is that guy?

It's just a game. Ah!

Let's get out of here.

Huh? Oh, yes.

Oh, my God.

- Did you see me light that up?

- Okay.

That boy come right out of nowhere.

Okay, you are disturbingly good at this.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, how does that make you feel?

Like if our nation gets attacked

by random paintball people...

- ...I'll be safe.

- Safe.

I tried to get your back there.

I got off a few shots...

...but I think my triggering mechanism

was stuck.

- You got the safety on.

- I was trying to...

- Oh, you mean this thing here?

- Yeah. Ugh!

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Ha, ha. Oh, I'm sorry I'm laugh...

I have this laughter thing

when bad things happen.

It's not funny. I shouldn't do that.

Are you okay? Can you walk?

Yeah, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

Oh, my God, I feel so bad.

Yeah, it's good.

- Come on, let's go get something to eat.

- Okay.

So you know how I was telling you

that Tuck has been really earnest?

The other day, we went paintballing...

...and he nearly put this kid's eye out

with a paintball gun.

Then FDR,

we went to this animal shelter...

...and he adopted a 12-year-old dog

with a milky eye.

I'm telling you, it's getting weird.

I can't help but thinking

I'm putting them in this position.

It's making them crazy.

It's making me crazy.

So, what are you gonna do about it?

I have to do what any rational woman

in my position would do.

- Break up with them?

- Sleep with them.

Sex tiebreaker.

Oh, thank you! Finally!

A sex tiebreaker!

That is what you need to do!

You have to have sex with both of them!

Thank you.

What? It's called the birds and the bees,

b*tch, okay? Google it.

We had a deal.

Well, we have a deal.

- We have a deal.

- I'm not gonna have sex with her.

And I am not gonna have sex

with this woman either.

No matter how hard she tries.

- We have a gentleman's agreement.

- We have a gentleman's agreement.

And we are gentlemen.

Okay?

Ha-ha-ha. Okay.

- Okay.

- Good.

Good Lord.

- That the time?

- Yeah, I got that thing.

I gotta be somewhere this time.

Full-scale tactical prevention mode.

What exactly do you have in mind?

Yeah.

Wow, this is amazing.

Indeed.

- How nice.

- Do you think the candles are a bit cheesy?

- No. I think they're wonderful.

This has been the perfect night.

Dickerman...

...make it rain.

Can't stand it

I know you planned it

I'm gonna set it straight.

Sabotage.

You really think you can trust him?

Absolutely not.

- Okay, I believe you.

- Wow.

- This is great.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

- Pool on the roof.

- Oh, you know...

...it's hydrotherapy

for an old football injury.

I'll be right back.

- Okay?

- Okay.

Come on, scram. Let's go.

He moves in space

God.

It's a sabotage.

Can't stand it

I know you planned it.

Son of a...

I can't stand rocking

When I fly off the handle.

What could it be?

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