This Means War Page #7

It's a mirage.

You're scheming on a thing

That's sabotage.

Smooth operator.

FDR?

Smooth operator.

Really?

Smooth operator.

A tranq dart.

A tranq dart.

Three inches over, I would've been dead.

Four. Four inches, okay?

- Neanderthal.

- Morning, sirs.

Shut up.

Jesus.

I cannot believe you didn't trust me.

We both know what happens

when you listen to Sade.

- She's an incredible singer.

- She is.

Your hormones start,

you turn into Horny Pants.

- Hor...

- And might I remind you...

...you were the one

who flooded my apartment first.

- The candles were a fire hazard.

- No.

The only thing you were worried about

getting fired up was Lauren, wasn't it?

Honesty, Franklin.

Try it.

Right!

Now, I have very serious

anger management issues today, Ivan...

...so I would appreciate it

if you'd do me the courtesy...

...of answering

all my terribly boring questions...

...sharpish.

- Heh, heh. The pliers, really?

- Yes, the pliers, really.

- Predictable, safe and boring yet again.

- Why don't you tickle Ivan's feet...

...till he talks with your teeny,

tiny, itty-bitty jazz hands?

Heh.

Where is Heinrich, brother?

Sooner or later he'll be coming for you.

Brother.

You are going to die.

Don't worry, you're next.

I'm sorry about Jonas.

- Ooh! Oh, gosh.

- No, no, no. Just let him do his thing.

Oh, hello.

Uh, Nana, this is Lauren.

Lauren, this is my grandmother, Nana.

So you're the girl who's been putting up

with Franklin.

- Mm-hm.

- I brought pie.

Yeah, you know where the kitchen is.

Lauren and I have a lot to talk about.

Yes, this is pretty, isn't it?

Oh, this is beautiful.

- Oh, is this FDR?

- Oh, yes.

Look at that unibrow.

- It goes all the way around his head.

- I know, he was so cute.

- Hi, Dottie.

- And who are these people?

Oh, those are his parents.

They died when he was 9.

I'm so sorry.

- He never told me that.

- Yeah.

In a car crash. They were going out

to dinner one night and, um...

Well, he's never been

quite the same since.

He has a hard time trusting people.

But he must trust you.

Because you are the first girl

he's ever brought here.

I have a hard time trusting people too.

He had the biggest blue eyes,

like marbles.

Which almost made up

for the bed-wetting.

Nana. We really don't have to talk

about that right now.

- Oh, we really do.

- No, no, no.

- No, we should.

- No, no, no.

- We ought to.

- I know...

He wore that Superman costume

everywhere.

You wouldn't believe the smell.

But how were we to know

that he would take it so literally?

- The little fellow jumped off the roof.

- Oh!

I was given misinformation, okay?

We all make mistakes.

That was one of mine.

Yes, but remember, Franklin,

there are no mistakes.

To no mistakes.

- To no mistakes.

- To no mistakes.

- Okay, wearing dresses.

- I was only wearing them...

...because I thought they were capes.

Are we recording this?

I had a nice time tonight.

Me too.

I like that guy with the unibrow

and the braces.

- Ha, ha.

- I actually...

I might like him more than I like you.

He likes you too.

Ha, ha. I should go.

Yeah.

I should be a gentleman.

Well, the good news is

I'm no gentleman.

This is not good.

She blew my mind.

And we've been hangin' out.

Ever since that time.

We got good love.

Rock 'n' roll.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

Sweet, sweet love.

Sweet, sweet love.

Sweet, sweet love.

Hey.

- Oh, God!

Oh, my God. Okay.

- Morning.

- Good morning.

- You're dressed. Where you going?

- I have to go to work.

I thought maybe we could make pancakes

or something.

Do you like pancakes?

I love pancakes.

Really, I'd love to have pancakes.

- Who doesn't like pancakes? Crazy people.

- Crazy people.

I have to go to work. I have a meeting.

Really super early.

So I gotta go.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, that's cool.

I have... I've got a meeting too, so...

- Okay.

- Last night was...

- Uh.... Was...

- Was incredible.

That was crazy.

Yeah.

Uh, thank you for the...

Thank you for that.

So I'm gonna go.

But lock up behind you... Or don't lo...

I don't know.

You're not gonna steal anything.

I don't know why I said that.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Trish, I slept with him.

Which one?

- FDR.

Oh, my God, that's awesome.

How do you feel? Can you walk?

Small hands, not an issue.

I told you it wasn't gonna be an issue.

How was it?

Amazing. Like five times amazing.

But I'm supposed to go meet Tuck

this afternoon.

But after last night,

I can't see Tuck now.

No, no, they do it to

us all the time, okay?

You think Gloria Steinem got arrested

and sat in jail...

...so you could act like a little b*tch? I don't think so.

Get out there, you get flexible.

- I'm going to hell.

- You're not. If you go there, I'm...

I'll be there to pick you up.

Okay, save me a drink.

You got last night's surveillance tape?

Oh, hey, uh....

We didn't get anything.

We got nothing.

The tape jammed, so.... Ha, ha.

Boylee, it's digital, you plank.

- Right. So can I have the disk?

- Yup.

Seriously, you don't wanna see it.

I'll be the judge of that,

thank you very much.

Now, did you see this?

Only once.

Right. What happened?

Agent Foster entered the premises.

- All right.

- Yep.

- And?

- Ha, ha.

- Boylee.

- Ahem.

- Then he...

- Boylee, what happened next?

Then he entered the premises.

I got it, mate. Yeah, I totally understand.

Thank you very much. Cheers, mate.

Open your eyes.

I'm flying.

Jack.

Hey.

- Hi.

- Maya.

So it's Tuesday.

Mm-hm.

My layover day?

Yeah. Right. Um....

It's just...

Look, l...

I can't really do this, um....

I met somebody.

Sorry.

Okay.

What's happening to me?

You have absolutely no self-control.

Tuck, look,

I didn't plan on this happening, okay?

She's the one that initiated it

in the first place.

Well, of course she initiated.

You roll out the big, happy family,

it's like girl porn, isn't it?

- You broke the rules, man.

- Forget the rules. Not a game anymore.

- I care for Lauren.

- Great, you have affections.

- It only took you 30 years.

- Tuck.

- What?

- I slept with her.

- Yeah, well, I'm well aware of that, aren't l?

- No, slept. Fell asleep.

That's never happened to me before.

Hey, Mom, I'm coming!

Hey, spudley, how you doing?

Come on, give us a cuddle.

Hello.

This is my friend Lauren.

I thought Uncle Frank

was your only friend.

Who's Uncle Frank?

Yes. Ha, ha. Um.... Ahem.

He's right.

He is my only friend from work.

But this is my new friend. Lauren.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hey, what are you two doing

this afternoon?

I need some help with work.

- You could be the men for the job.

- No.

- Yeah?

- That sounds great.

Hands up.

- No.

Now I've got a woman.

She's got a magic spell on me.

Go to sat cam 6.

Bye, Lauren.

Hello.

Hello.

Now I've got a woman.

He just used the kid.

He used the kid.

Maybe we could get you a kid, sir.

For a day.

- You know a guy?

- I know a guy.

No.

She's got a magic spell on me.

I had a really fantastic day today,

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