Three to Tango Page #4

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How are you?

-I just love Japanese kimonos.

-I know.

Thank God you're here. I need to....

You guys throw a lot of dinner parties.

-I'm gay. It's what we do.

-Really?

That, and shop for small dogs.

Can I help you?

I need to talk with you privately.

I need to talk with him privately.

We're going to talk privately.

Anyone want cappuccinos?

They think I'm gay.

What?

They think I'm gay.

-Come again?

-Everybody thinks...

...I'm gay!

I win the pool.

Come again?

Amy and Charles...

...think I'm gay.

-Oh, no.

-Oh, yes!

You're gay. I'm gay.

We're gay.

Good God!

I know. I mean,

how could they think that? Me, gay?

It's just so embarrassing

and mortifying and....

Humiliating.

Humiliating, yes! I mean,

I don't get it. I don't see it.

I'm just a regular, normal...

...insensitive a**hole.

But come on.

You know what I mean, right?

Oh, sure.

When you say you're humiliated...

...you actually mean

you're proud and unashamed.

No. It's not that. It's just--

Being gay's not normal.

I don't think that. I have no problem

with people being gay.

I'm all for homosexuality...

...especially when it's between

gorgeous women.

But I'm not gay!

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean what I said before.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to decide...

...if I should recover gracefully

from your insults...

...or kneecap you.

Yes, I'm insensitive and callous.

Well, you're stupid and young.

Yes, stupid and young.

But that doesn't change the fact

that we're in deep sh*t, okay?

So what are we gonna do?

''We''? I don't see

that there's anything for me to do.

-We have to do something.

-Why?

-Because everybody thinks I'm gay!

-I don't.

You don't? Who cares?

You're enjoying this!

I told you when you wanted to spy on her,

something bad might happen.

You didn't listen. So the reality is--

The reality is you made your big gay bed...

...and you must now slumber gaily in it.

But I don't wanna.

Sweet dreams. Hey, I'll see you

at the next dinner party.

Poor guy. It's so hard

when you first come out.

Want a beer? I'm gonna grab a beer.

There he is. There's the guy!

Go, buddy. You gotta run with that!

Come on!

Come on, Ponderosa! You've gotta run!

So how'd the spy operation go?

It's just a little complicated.

-He did her.

-Score.

You got lucky? Is she stacked?

She's really stacked, isn't she?

Oh, my God. She tie you up?

She's a dominatrix, isn't she?

You little piggy.

You got it on with a big-breasted

dominatrix, didn't you?

You tell me.

Am I the only one who's listening?

Nothing happened with Amy.

And, anyway...

...I've been meaning to tell you guys...

...that you won't see me

with any women for a while.

I just kind of decided to, you know,

swear off girls for a while.

I don't know how....

Just a little bit of time.

Can I move in?

I put my stuff in storage.

This is what I need.

I need my clothes,

my sketchbooks, my tools--

So you're Amy.

Nice to meet you.

Oscar told us about the other night.

That is so embarrassing

after what I did to him.

Are your balls okay or are they still sore?

-Time to go.

-We should get going.

I'm out.

Tools.

I'm impressed.

Are they all gay?

Yes.

Damn! The little one was kind of cute.

Well, he's not exactly my type.

Let me ask you--

How's Kevin doing tonight? He score yet?

He's kicking ass.

You like him?

Are you kidding? I worship the guy.

So are you okay?

This place is awesome.

Drafty, but awesome.

Tuna fish. Very brave.

I brought that for you.

Oh, thanks.

I brought that for you too.

It'll fit you perfectly.

-Is this you?

-Don't.

Were you in a band?

My friends in high school.

Are you aware

of how you look in this picture?

It's not my fault. It was the '80s.

You didn't look like a dork then?

-I got through the '80s dork-free.

-And you're making up for it now.

I appreciate this, Oscar.

Especially since

we haven't known each other that long.

I've been dodging my landlord,

and he finally nabbed me...

...and I didn't know what to do.

I have a lot of friends.

I just don't have a lot of friends.

You know?

To tell the truth,

I didn't have anywhere else to go.

You came to the right place.

Fantastic place.

Grimy, raw.

-I like it.

-Hi, Charles.

I hope you don't mind me

stopping by like this.

-Amy told me she'd be here.

-No, no. Consider this....

Let's go. I got you a room

at the Four Seasons and--

No, that's okay.

Oscar has kindly agreed to take me in.

Amy can stay here with me. It's okay.

Like I said, a saint.

Okay. You win.

You always win.

How's the project?

Great.

Yeah, I'm going to head home now.

I mean, I'm going to head up there to....

-I'm going to bed.

-Are you sure?

I'll be asleep

as soon as my head hits the pillow.

This place is such a dump.

I feel like I might catch something.

Shut up, Chuck.

Come here, you.

Oh, sh*t.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

All right, it's 7:07, Chicago. Wake up!

Yeah, you dimwit, you idiot,

you moron, you a-hole.

Go to your crappy job now.

Go put on your crusty underwear

and blue-collar shirt....

Does he know that he's upside-down?

Yoga.

The new tycoon spent the night

on your couch. I hope you don't mind.

You want some coffee?

I'll just get you a nice cup of decaf.

-Have you boys finished your homework?

-Cute.

Don't fight with the other kids on the bus.

-What are you doing tonight?

-Going out with friends.

Great. Sounds like fun.

-What are you doing tonight?

-Going out with her friends.

Great. Sounds like fun.

What about working for Mr. Newman?

Is he everything he's reputed to be?

-Everything and more.

-More.

And you're an openly gay firm?

Will this have any impact

on the competition?

We just try and do our jobs.

It's not important

what other people think of us personally.

Don't you feel you have a certain

responsibility as a gay professional?

If we're talented, we shouldn't

have to pretend to be something we're not.

People have to understand

that we are individuals.

Who cares if we're gay or straight?

Why can't people accept us

for who we are?

You do know you're not gay, right?

You know what?

You've been working too hard.

You need to relax.

I have a surprise for you.

For me?

And there he is.

-That's Kevin Cartwright.

-You two have met before, right?

Remember the Miami game, '93?

180 yards. Unbelievable.

Actually, it was like 150.

But who cares about a couple yards?

You're the man!

That's Kevin Cartwright, right here!

You broke your hand, right?

No, I sprained my hand. What's up?

Then you gained another 50 yards.

That's 230 yards in a game, my man!

-I don't know about that.

-Baseball player stubs his toe...

...he's on the disabled list for nine years.

I don't even know any baseball players.

I'd love to stay and talk,

but I'm bored out of my mind.

Behave yourselves.

I love that girl. That's a good girl.

You're not gonna yell my name

no more, are you?

-No. I'm finished.

-Cool.

-Want to get another round?

-Absolutely.

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