Throw Momma from the Train Page #4

- She's got a point.

- You could spend four hours there...

.. and still catch the last flight out by ten.

- That's true.

- You'd arrive at LAX by 6am.

An hour on the freeway...

You'd be home by seven.

Whatever it is, you're f***in' guilty, man.

Meet Senior Flight Supervisor Gladstone.

Hi. Pleased to meet you. Listen,

I've got a flight schedule in here.

- I was on a rock!

- A rock?

They're gonna think I did it!

I'm all motive and no alibi!

I have no alibi! Motives are no problem.

I'm up to my ass in motives.

I'm majoring in motives.

Alibi, nowhere near my neighbourhood.

But motives:
whooo-ooh!

- I gotta go! Can I borrow your car?

- Sure, man. The keys are on the table...

.. next to the door. Goodbye.

I gotta find Beth.

What am I doing?

What the hell am I doing?!

She's not dead.

I'm crazy. I'm a crazy man.

She is not dead. He didn't kill her.

News from Hawaii: Novelist Margaret

Donner is missing and presumed dead.

- According to the police...

- Holy Christ!

I'm not crazy! She's presumed!

She was last seen boarding a boat

to Maui. She disappeared along route.

- A search is on for the body.

- Margaret is dead! Poor Margaret!

She is the renowned author

of the best-selling novel "Hot Fire".

That slut! She is a slut! Slut!

Foul play has not been ruled out.

I'm gonna fry!

( didgeridoo playing)

(door shuts)

I'm in really deep sh*t, Beth.

Ah. Look who's decided

to breeze back into my life.

- I gotta talk to you.

- You have to talk to me?

You don't return my calls or get in touch.

But hey, you need something from me?

Make yourself at home. Have a seat.

Can I offer you something? A cool drink?

Would you listen to me?

I'm in a lot of trouble!

- I'm on the edge of my seat.

- It's Margaret.

Don't tell me! She's come back.

- She's...

- Pregnant, put on weight...

She's dead!

Oh, God.

- It's awful.

- Larry, I'm sorry.

- Did she suffer?

- He said she didn't feel a thing.

- Her doctor?

- Her killer.

- She was killed?!

- She's dead. It works that way.

Wait! Did the police find a clue

or have a motive or...

If there was a motive, the fat little bastard

never would've killed her! Don't you see?

Eliminate the motive, establish an alibi.

- Just like I told him!

- Just like you told him?!

- We were speaking hypothetically.

- Larry Donner! Did...

- Did you pay a man to kill your wife?

- No! He just did it.

- Oh, my God!

- Hey, look. I told a guy something...

.. and he took it the wrong way.

What, uh... What did you say to him?

- "Don't kill my wife", wink, wink?

- I don't like your tone.

- Oh, God. You better leave.

- I got noplace else to go.

- My head is spinning.

- Oh, and my head isn't creamed corn?

You announced that you may or may not

have inadvertently murdered someone.

Mm-hm.

This puts me in a highly distracted

state of mind. I am nauseous.

Great! Margaret is dead, I have no alibi,

and you're mad that I upset your stomach.

Well, excuse me. I'll just go

so the police can start their manhunt!

One little murder and I'm Jack the Ripper!

Jeez, you think you know somebody.

Cahuenga Pass.

(Larry's voice)

Leave a snappy message. Bye.

Larry, it's Beth. Um...

Call me at home right now, OK?

As soon as you get in. I'm very confused.

You... came in with just...

murder and Margaret, and I just...

Call me... now. Thank you.

- Larry!

- Get in the car, Owen.

- This isn't your car.

- I borrowed it. Get in!

I thought you might like to have this.

It belonged to Margaret.

Get in the car. Get in the car!

Look what you did. You killed my wife!

No, I didn't. Yes, I did.

You're sick, Owen. You need care.

I am taking you to the police.

Did you know Hawaii

was a series of islands...

.. that was all spit up by the same

volcano? I never knew that.

You killed somebody!

You're a murderer! You took a life!

You're right. I'm no good.

How could I do that? I'm a sick, sick per...

Cows!

- Why did you kill my wife?!

- I thought you wanted me to.

You said you wished she was dead.

I told you I wished my momma was dead.

I kill your wife, you kill my momma.

That's fair.

I am not killing your mother.

- You have to turn yourself in.

- No. It was part of our plan.

What plan?!

There was no plan, you moron!

You killed a person and

I'm takin' you to the police!

I'll just tell 'em that you did it.

You got the motive.

- You're gonna tell them the truth.

- Huh?

You're gonna tell the police the truth

or I'll kill us both, I swear!

- I didn't do this only for me.

- Say goodbye, Owen.

Larry... Larry, slow down.

You're goin' a tad fast.

Please slow down, Larry!

I don't like goin' fast!

- Are you gonna tell 'em you did it?

- Please slow down!

Huh?

- Yeah. I'll do it.

- OK.

- Please stop the car!

- I can't!

- Stop the car!

- There's no brakes!

- What?! Watch out for that car!

- (car horn)

- Oh. You're a good driver, Larry.

- Just shut up!

Larry! Larry!

Larry, you're originally

from the East, aren't you?

- Owen!

- A man on our block was from the East.

Mr Brockman.

He was in the button business.

- Is that right?

- Yeah. This is good!

It's like the Flintstones car wash.

Larry! Ooh, I can't look!

(truck horn)

Whoa!

So are you telling me

you weren't driving that car?

Look, man. It's like I told you.

He borrowed the car yesterday morning

and I haven't seen him since.

- Did he say where he was going?

- No. Mumbled about motives and alibis.

Motives and alibis?

He figured that since Margaret ruined his

life, you'd think he killed her or somethin'.

- You don't think he did?

- No, I don't think so.

Personally, if the b*tch stole my book,

I'd kill her. But that's me.

Larry? There's no way he coulda done it.

What makes you say that?

Because Larry never did...

.. anything.

OK. Here we go. Eggs a la Owen.

(sighs) Owen, get it

through your thick head.

I may be a lot of things,

but I am not a killer.

You don't have to blow her brains out.

Thank you! That takes

the pressure right off(!)

She's old. She's got a bad ticker.

All you gotta do is

jerk around a lot when you talk to her.

- "Nice to meet you, Mrs Lift!"

- Would you stop it?

Well, just meet her. Maybe she'd be

somebody you'd like to kill.

(Momma) Owen! What the hell's

going on out there?!

Nothing, Momma!

- (whispers) We woke her up.

- Who are you talking to? Who's in there?

- Nobody, Momma!

- (door bangs)

Who's this?

This is Cousin Paddy.

He's gonna be stayin' with us for a while.

Isn't that nice?

You don't have a Cousin Paddy!

You lied to me!

(Larry groans)

- That's it. That's all.

- Larry... Larry.

I'm sorry. She makes me so nervous.

Come on. Go in there and sit down.

I'll get you some ice.

So what do you think of her?

I think she could relax a little bit.

- Are you gonna do it?

- Owen...

I'm not gonna kill your mother.

If you wanna do it, you do it.

A guy kills my wife.

He can't even kill his own mother.

- You wanna see my coin collection?

- No!

I collect coins.

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