Throw Momma from the Train Page #5

- I got a dandy collection.

- I don't wanna see it, Owen.

- But it's my collection.

- I don't care.

Look, Owen. I'm just not in the mood. OK?

Never showed it to anyone before.

- All right, I'll look at it.

- No, it's OK.

- Show it to me.

- No, you don't mean it.

- Show me the damn coins!

- All right.

This one is a nickel.

This one also is a nickel.

And here's a quarter.

And another quarter.

And a penny.

See? Nickel, nickel,

quarter, quarter, penny.

Are any of these coins worth anything?

No.

And here... is another nickel.

- Why do you have them?

- What do you mean?

The purpose of a coin collection is that

the coins are worth something, Owen.

Oh, but they are.

This one here I got in change...

.. when my dad took me

to see Peter, Paul and Mary.

And this one I got in change

when I bought a hot dog at the circus.

My daddy let me keep the change.

He always let me keep the change.

This one...

.. is my favourite.

This is Martin and Lewis

at the Hollywood Palladium.

Look at that.

See the way it shines on the little eagle?

I loved my dad a lot.

- So this whole collection is...

- Change my daddy let me keep.

- What was his name?

- Ned.

He used to call me his little Ned.

That's why Momma named me Owen.

I really miss him.

- It's a real nice collection, Owen.

- Thank you, Larry.

- Owen! Food!

- In a minute, Momma!

Don't you "in a minute" me! Get off

your fat little ass or I'll break it for you!

I want two soft-boiled eggs, white toast

and some of that grape jelly, goddammit!

And don't burn the toast!

- Kill her, Larry.

- I can't.

You gotta kill her for me, Larry.

Don't you understand? Crisscross.

Crisscross! You gotta do it, Larry!

If you don't, I will. I swear I will.

Move it, fat boy!

- That's it! I'm gonna choke her to death!

- No, Owen!

I swear to God, I'm gonna kill her!

- Calm down, Owen.

- Larry...

It's gonna be OK. It's gonna be OK, Owen.

I promise.

Will you do it?

Yeah. I'll do it.

Larry, you're the best pal a guy ever had.

Here. Look. I want you to have this.

Look. Here. It's a souvenir from

the London Bridge gift shop in Arizona.

Look. See? They brought this bridge over

from London, England, stone by stone.

See the little bridge?

See the stones there?

- Yeah, I see 'em.

- Here. You can have that.

Crisscross.

- When did you last see him?

- I can't remember. I told you.

- The day after his wife disappeared?

- I didn't say that.

- Miss Ryan, why are you protecting him?

- I'm not. I just don't think he killed her.

Where do you think he is, Miss Ryan?

I don't know!

- He's in a lot of trouble.

- He didn't do it.

Then who do you suppose did?

- Somebody else.

- So you do think it was murder.

- You know who killed her, don't you?

- No.

- Yes, you do.

- I do not! He wouldn't tell me!

Did Professor Donner

hire a man to kill his wife?

No! He said... not really.

And I heard him scream out

"I hate her! I wish she were dead!"

Yeah, I heard him. He said

"I hate her. I wish she was dead. "

That's what he said.

"I hate her. I wish she was dead. "

He called her a very bad name...

.. and screamed "I hate her.

I wish she were dead. "

It's a coffee-table book.

(TV on)

All right, Momma.

Turn off the TV.

OK.

Goodbye, Momma.

- She'll be sleepin' in a couple of minutes.

- I graduated from Yale.

All right. Out you go.

- Out? Out where?

- Out on the ledge. Go out on the roof...

- No, no. I'm not going out on any ledge.

- You gotta make it look like a burglar.

- You go in, you mess up things...

- No, Owen. This is going too far.

- You want outta this?

- Yes.

Then fulfil your end of the bargain. You go

in, stuff a pillow over her face and leave.

You walk out that door.

You never have to see me again, OK?

Oh, God!

- OK. Out you go.

- Sh*t. I hate heights.

Larry!

- You all right? Move your hand.

- Why?

Gotta close the window.

And like this you kill an evening.

Rats! Now I got Willard here.

I'm bein' held captive by a little troll who

should be hanging off a rear-view mirror.

I'm not doin' this.

- Aargh!

- What are you doin'?

I'm selling The Watchtower!

What do you think?!

You got rats the size of Oldsmobiles here!

Rats.

OK, forget about the burglar stuff.

Just go through her door.

It's less dramatic but I don't wanna

make you uncomfortable. Here, use this.

- I really don't like you, Owen.

- OK, I gotta go.

If I'm late for my lane,

they tack on an extra buck.

Ugh. What a week.

Mrs Lift, I know you don't want to hear

anything derogatory about your son.

I understand that. Because he's not a bad

man, Mrs Lift. He's a nice man, actually.

He is a lunatic. No, Mrs Lift, he is.

He's a lunatic. And, um...

I don't have to be here now, Mrs Lift.

I could be in Mexico, out of all of this.

I'm only here to stop him fr...

How do you say this, Mrs Lift?

Listen to me, Mrs Lift.

Your son... killed my wife.

And now he wants me to kill you.

(snores)

- Mrs Lift?

- (snores)

- I'm gonna go read the paper now and...

- (snoring continues)

I'm just glad we had this chance to talk.

(snores)

I'm a fugitive. The little bastard

turned me into Richard Kimble.

He sh*t and shoved me in it.

I gotta get outta here! I gotta go!

Where am I running? Evidence.

Incriminating evidence!

Nothing.

Ha! A lei.

Poha jelly.

Not enough!

Poha jelly, a lei and a doll.

I need some evidence.

Aha! Bingo. The mother lode.

A plane ticket!

A little careless, Owen, aren't we?

Los Angeles, Hawaii, 10am!

(cackles) I got you! A plane ticket!

With my name on it.

Oh, God!

(knock at door)

Cops!

(knocking continues)

Mr Lift?

(heart thumping)

We'd like to ask you a few questions.

I hope there's no trouble.

I was at the bowlin' alley all night.

I hope there's nothin' wrong.

No, we'd like to ask you

about Professor Donner.

- Professor Donner?

- Yes. Would you mind if we came in?

- In the house?

- Just a few questions.

I... I'm sorry. You can't.

My momma's real sick.

I don't think it's a good idea.

- It'll only take a minute.

- No, I...

OK! All right. Come on up.

If it'll only take a minute,

that won't be so bad.

Would you like to meet my momma?

We understand you take Professor

Donner's course at Valley College.

Yeah. Creative writing.

I'm gonna put my bowlin' ball away.

- I'm his star pupil.

- Do you have any idea where he is?

Did you try his apartment? He goes there

a lot. He keeps his stuff there.

You guys wanna have some tea?

We've got orange pekoe,...

.. we've got Irish breakfast,...

.. we've got Darjeeling...

Mr Lift, have you ever heard

Professor Donner talk about his wife?

Professor Donner? Oh, he... he always

talked about her like she was an angel.

He loved his wife.

He worshipped the ground she... Hi.

Hi, tea! Hi, tea. Hi.

You never heard him say

anything bad about her?

Oh. This is Irish breakfast.

I'll get Darjeeling.

Whatever you want, Mr Lift.

We won't be havin' any.

- What was that question again?

- (Momma) Owen!

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