Thunderpants Page #3

in the world...

Sir John...

...Osgood!

- (cheering)

- Radishes? Curried eggs?

- Check!

- Runner beans? Courgettes?

- Check!

- Aubergine? Cabbage?

- Check!

- Spinach?

- Check!

Sprouts?

No. You said

you'd bring sprouts.

I most assuredly did not.

You did, Alan. I remember.

You said!

I can't do it without the sprouts,

Alan! I need 'em!

I need 'em! I need 'em!

I need...

Calm down, Patrick.

Calm down.

It's me. Alan.

We are Patrick and Alan,

the team.

With your gift, my genius

and our friendship...

...we can never go wrong!

- (applause)

- Thanks, Alan.

Thanks for being a friend.

First up...

...the flying Dutchman himself,

Vincent Vincente...

...with his magnificent creation...

...AIbatross IV.

(applause)

(announcer) OK. When you're ready...

...take it away, Vincent!

Now, isn't that beautiful?

Doesn't that remind you

of an albatross?

Oh, dear. Perhaps more of a dodo.

It's going nowhere.

(creaks)

Next up, Don Coaty

with his vortex technology...

...Hurricane of Power!

(cheering)

(cloth rips)

And off they go,

the Flight of Fancy!

Oh.

He's going...

He's going... Oh!

A big round of applause

for Mrs Bishop!

Goodbye, Charles!

Ooh!

Lesley Parsons,

if that takes off...

...I'll eat my hat!

(applause and cheering)

Oh, dear!

Bye-bye, Stephen.

Have a nice time in hospital.

Oh, it's the Birdman himself...

...Jackie Jackson.

Off you go, Jackie!

- (thump)

- Nice to see you back, Jackie.

Oh, and, er, finally...

...we have... Patrick Smash...

...and Alan A Allen...

...with Thunderpants II. Hm.

Well, seems to be

two young boys.

My apologies.

I know you all want your tea.

Let's get a couple of shots

of these clowns.

Quick as you can, boys.

(chatter)

Off you go.

- Ready, Patrick?

- I think so, Alan.

Shall I fart now?

Engage.

(Ioud fart)

(fart continues)

Look at this, everyone!

Gary, wave them off!

They're moving!

They're moving forward.

This is absolutely amazing!

They're actually flying!

Go on!

(fart continues)

(whining and rattling)

(fart continues)

(crowd groans)

(fart continues)

Keep it up, Patrick.

I'll get it!

(crowd) Phwoar!

(splutters)

- (tuneful squeal)

- The note!

I haven't got much left

in me, Alan.

- Keep going! You can do it.

- It's no good, I can't!

Do it for me.

(Ioud fart, crowd cheers)

Come on!

Cheer them on,

ladies and gentlemen!

They can do it!

Come on! This is the big one.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...this is an historic day!

- (cheering)

- Patrick, we did it!

Patrick, let's make

our next project Thunderpants III.

A giant rocket with enough power

to soar into space!

Well done, boys!

With your gift, my genius

and our friendship...

...we'll never go wrong.

...as they crossed

the finish line.

Patrick Smash and Alan A Allen...

(TV)... in the most remarkable

flying machine...

...this reporter has ever seen.

(Osgood) Patrick Smash

andAlan Allen!

Well done!

Ladies and gentlemen...

...I give you the outright winners

of 100 English pounds!

- (crowd cheers)

- (phone rings)

- Johnson.

- Sir.

- Well?

- Yes, sir, they did it. They won.

- Excellent.

- Remarkable, sir.

(Patrick) So that was it.

I'd conquered my problem...

...and found my gift.

Alan was going to help me

be a spaceman.

But first...

...I had some unfinished business

to take care of.

- (boys laugh)

- Oh, here's Zorg boy.

I can't believe my eyes, Smash.

You've got some nerve.

I finished you at school...

...and now you show your stupid

farty face in my place?

It's not your place. It's mine.

Oh! The worm has turned...

...into a fart boy.

Well, fart boy,

prepare to get slapped.

(groans, loud fart)

(boys cough and splutter)

Flaming 'eck. What's that?

(coughing and spluttering)

Go away!

(pants anxiously)

Uh! Get off! Uh...

You... You... You...

You're a freak!

No!

(shouts) No!

(wind howls)

(Damon's screams echo)

(explosion)

(leaves rustle)

That was the best day ofmy life...

...ever.

Yes?

Hello, Mr Allen.

I just saw Alan going away.

Is he going to be long?

Because we need

to do my dream.

I see. Well, Alan has moved

to pastures new.

Oh. He left a missive.

"Patrick, my friend...

...regretfully...

...my genius is very much

needed elsewhere at present."

"Good luck with your dream.

Sincerely, Alan A Allen."

Is he going to be long, then?

Let me make this perfectly clear,

Patrick Smash.

Alan has gone to another country.

He won't be back.

Another country?

(sighs)

I couldn't believe it.

Alan had gone.

I was all alone.

I didn't know what to do.

It was the worst day

ofmy life, ever.

As the situation aboard Icarus

reaches critical...

...US Space Control...

...has admitted they are unable

to launch a rescue mission.

General Ed Sheppard

had this to say.

(reporters shout questions)

The prayers ofthe world...

...are going out

to those brave souls...

...who are stranded up there...

...between heaven and earth.

The boys and girls

at the Space Centre...

...are doing all they can

to launch a rescue mission.

But I gotta tell ya...

...we're plumb out ofideas.

We're in trouble.

We need a miracle.

(doorbell)

(TV) Ed Sheppard there, speaking from

Icarus Control earlier today.

Young man,

I will not take no for an answer.

I wish to take you on a world tour

with me, Sir John Osgood.

You'll see things on the way

you've only ever dreamt of...

...we'll visit countries...

Other countries?

Naturally, yes. Other countries.

All right.

You'll hear me sing every night

and you'II... What?

All right, then.

I'll go to other countries.

Ah...

I'll just get my things.

Right.

It's quite a day for you, boy.

So, from out ofthe blue,

I'd been offered a chance...

...a chance to go to other countries.

Ifl went with Sir John,

maybe I could findAlan...

...and we could be Patrick andAlan,

the team, again.

I would take that chance.

I would go with Sir John.

I would sing with my arse.

So, night after night,

I did the high bit with my arse.

(tuneful squeal)

(wild cheering)

(speaks Spanish)

And day after day, I searched

the world for my best friend.

(tuneful squeal)

(cheering and applause)

(whistling and cheering)

(tuneful squeal)

(cheering and whistling)

(crowd) Encore!

(whistling and applause)

(sniffs)

(mutters)

(tuneful squeal)

Again, boy. Again.

But Mr John...

...I'm so hungry.

- Poppycock, boy.

Must practise!

If you don't finish,

you won't get any pudding.

Don't you see, boy?

We can sing the high note now.

We're at the top now.

Staying at the top,

that's the challenge.

Practice. It's the only way.

I think I'll slip out for a little

fettucine a la flamadora...

...with a nice chianti.

Practice!

(tuneful squeal)

(hotel manager)

Signor Placeedo, you must wait.

Signor Osgood,

he say no visitors!

No visitors(!) He will see me.

Ma, I'ho detto che non po entrare,

e prohibito.

- Sono il direttore di questo albergo.

- (tuneful squeal)

O, Santa Madonna, ma che mi volete

farmi uscire tutti pazzi oggi!

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