Thunderpants Page #4
- PG
- Year:
- 2002
- 87 min
- 781 Views
Lo sai che ti dico, ma vafanculo
puro ti, mi fai antipatia, mi fai!
- (farts)
- A child?
Here?
You, boy!
You know who I am?
You're the world's number two.
(shivers) Never.
I am Placido Placeedo...
...the greatest singer in the world!
So, tell me...
...little boy...
...what do you do?
I carry Mr John's bags,
make him drinks and sandwiches...
...and I'm searching the world
for my friend Alan...
...so we can do my dream.
Oh, and I sing the high bit
with my arse, Mr Ceedo.
But that's a secret
between me and Mr John.
You are singing the high bit...
...with your arse?
Hm.
It might just work.
(hissing)
(# sings in Italian)
(deep rumbling)
(audience gasp)
(tuneful squeal)
(glass smashes)
(cries out)
(farts)
(tuneful squeal dies,
fart continues)
(farting continues)
(squeals with delight)
- Fake!
- (audience gasps)
- He is a fake!
- (audience gasps)
(muttering)
It's the boy...
...who is singing the note...
...through his short trousers!
- (audience gasps)
- No! Madonna!
It is I and only I...
...Placido P Placeedo...
...who is the number one singer...
...in the world!
And you, sir, are number two!
(astonished gasps)
(audience)
Bravissimo! Placeedo!
(creaking)
Ah!
- (crash)
- (audience screams)
(commotion)
- Read all about it!
- Latest edition!
Flatulent boy held!
(ltalian reporter) II mondo dell'
opera, un crudele assassino...
(Japanese reporter) Kyo,
sekai namba wan no opera...
(Spanish reporter)
Todo esta revuelto...
(US reporter) The opera world
was in turmoil today...
...when the world's number one
opera star was slain...
...in a complex conspiracy...
...led by criminal mastermind
Patrick Smash.
Placido P Placeedo
was killed instantly...
...when a spotlight in Rome's
Roma opera house...
...fell from the lighting rig,
shaken loose by Patrick Smash.
(reporter)
Are you a murderer, Patrick?
I didn't mean to kill Mr Ceedo.
And I didn't know it was wrong
to sing the high bit with my arse.
Ljust want to find
my friendAlan.
Ljust want to be Patrick
andAlan, the team, again.
I want to put my gift
and your genius together...
...so we can reach for the stars.
I miss you, Alan.
And I'm scared.
(reporters and policemen shout)
Is that him?
Yes, that's him.
That's Patrick.
Read all about it!
Latest news!
Fart boy on trial!
- (customer) Six Heralds, please.
- (vendor) Get your papers 'ere!
- Echo, please.
- Latest news on fart boy trial!
World holds its breath
for fart trial!
(court clerk) Silence in court!
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury...
...Placido P Placeedo...
...was without doubt the world's
greatest opera singer.
A charming, talented man...
...who, as I shall show
during this trial...
...was humiliated
and then cut down...
...by this, this...
...evil child.
(coughs from gallery)
(Osgood) I feel such a fool.
I gave him every chance
and he threw it all in my face.
Then...
...he murdered the best friend...
...I ever had.
Everybody at school
was scared of him.
He attacked me
for no reason with that...
...weapon of his.
- (muttering)
- Order! Order!
I have taught Patrick Smash...
...for five years...
...at the end of which time...
and I saw...
...pure evil.
You can clearly see...
...the deep crack in the metal...
...a production flaw.
The bolt was substandard.
It could've snapped...
...at any time.
Tell me, would you call yourself
an opera lover, Mr Henderson?
Well, no.
- I'm a metallurgist.
- I see.
Do you listen to opera at all?
I'm sorry. I don't quite see
the relevance...
The witness will answer
the question.
No.
I... I don't listen to opera.
Thank you, Mr Henderson.
- But this is not about...
- That will be all, thank you.
It's cracked.
I see.
And this would be
around the time your best friend...
...your only friend...
...Alan, disappeared.
Yes, sir.
Just as you received a cheque...
...for 100 English pounds.
Yes, sir.
How...
...convenient.
And so a picture has emerged...
...ladies and gentlemen
of the jury...
...a picture of a Ioner...
...a strange, haunted child...
...who'd harass children younger,
weaker than himself...
...who'd bully those
of whom he was jealous.
A liar!
A cheat. A thief.
A boy...
...guilty of fraud,
grievous bodily harm...
...damage to property...
...reckless endangerment...
...and now...
...murder.
(jurors) Guilty!
- Guilty!
- Guilty!
Guilty!
That was it. I'd been
at rock bottom before...
...but this time
I was even lower.
Now I'd never get
to do my dream.
(shouts) Fart boy walking!
what happened to Alan.
It was the worst day
ofmy life...
...ever.
Squad... (clears throat)
...get ready.
Take aim.
(tyres screech)
(car horn blares)
And then it happened.
Johnson J Johnson.
United States of America
Special Forces.
Your British Home Secretary
has authorised the transfer...
...of prisoner Patrick Smash...
...into the custody of
Our sincerest apologies...
...for the formalities, Mr Smash.
We experienced several
administerial delays...
...in securing the appropriate papers
from your British Home Office.
Somebody untie this boy,
goddammit!
Mr Smash, I would like
to formally request...
...that you accompany us to
a place where your unique gifts...
...are very much needed
at this present moment in time.
All right, then!
(shouts) Let's move out!
This way, sir.
Thank you for your co-operation.
You have yourselves
a nice day, now.
Make yourself comfortable,
Mr Smash.
We have a short drive
ahead of us.
Is there anything
we can do for you, sir?
No, thank you, Mr Johnson.
I don't mean to be any trouble.
No trouble, Mr Smash.
No trouble at all.
- Mr Johnson?
- Yes, sir?
Do you mind if I...
- You go right ahead, sir.
- Thank you, Mr Johnson.
Air Force Nine, this is Tower.
You are clear for takeoff.
This way, sir.
Operation Hot Dog, you have
clearance for the Smash kid.
(electronic door whirs)
for your use.
A change of clothes,
personal hygiene kit...
...and some refreshments.
We've selected
a range of snacks...
...that we hope will meet
with your approval.
Now, with your permission...
...there will be a briefing
at 0200 hours...
...Greenwich Mean Time.
I suggest that you rest
up till then, sir.
All right, then.
(sobs)
Air Force Nine, this is Tower.
You are clear runway ten-niner...
Chuck, take her on a heading
of one-zero-niner.
- Roger that, sir.
- Let's take her home.
How is the little fella?
He's crying.
A-ha! Come in Mr Smash, sir.
The briefing team
is waiting for you.
Alan!
You left me all alone!
I thought we'd put my gift
and your genius together...
...and do my dream.
I've been looking
for you everywhere.
Patrick, sit down.
I'll explain everything.
Now, Patrick, Mr Johnson...
Alan told me that they'd
found out how clever he was.
They came to the flight competition
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"Thunderpants" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/thunderpants_21880>.
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