Tig Page #5

and you have

20, 20, 19, 17, 17, 17, 19, 19, 19.

Now this is...

what a 30-some-odd-year-old person does.

Thirty what?

- Oh, now you wanna know how of 30?

- Okay.

Yeah, so, like, you know,

35 or younger.

- That's really good. I mean...

- Great.

Just, apparently, either you're

not sure about your date of birth,

or your ovaries didn't get the memo.

On Wednesday, we do the procedure.

We need sperm that morning,

and then that's it.

We're gonna tell you

how many fertilized the next day,

how many are dividing the day after,

and then we're gonna decide

how many we're gonna freeze

on day three or day five.

- Hey.

- Hey, how are you?

I decided to choose my friend Paris

to be the donor.

I had a crush on him

when I was a kid.

And my mother always wished

I would be with or end up with him.

Until I started

bringing girlfriends around.

What a funny route.

It's all my mother ever wanted.

Thank you.

Is that your specimen?

We have about six excellent eggs,

nine good eggs,

and one poor.

- So that's good.

- Nice.

- All right.

- All right.

- That's great. Yeah.

- That's awesome, isn't it?

Tomorrow I'll call you

and tell you how many fertilized.

I'm getting iron via IV.

Via IV.

I've had extremely low iron.

My oncologist attributes it to

all the hospitalization and surgery and...

everything I've been through.

I ran into this girl

that I had worked with

and then, um...

we, uh...

started hanging out.

I met Stephanie on In a World.

She was my love interest

in the movie.

You should cut your hair.

Stop trying to woo me by being mean.

Doesn't work.

- You wanna get a drink later?

- Okay.

I've been acting since I was 18.

I moved to Los Angeles

after I dropped out of high school.

Tell me about that.

I had a 4.1 GPA

and I dropped out my senior year

with a semester to go.

Very much like, "No, this is what

I wanna do, and I'm gonna do it.

And I'll let everything fall into place."

The next time I saw Stephanie

was almost a year later.

In a World was going to Sundance.

Tig was sitting behind me

at the premiere,

and any time she came onscreen

she'd lean forward and go,

"I had cancer and I didn't know it.

I have cancer right there."

When I gave her my number,

I said, "Don't text me too much."

I said, "I just went out with this girl

that wouldn't stop texting me

after just having coffee one day."

That girl texted me "sweet dreams"

before bed, and I was like, "Oh..."

Just seemed like

a bit much after the one coffee.

So, I told Stephanie,

"If you're an excessive texter,

please leave me out of it."

When I went home,

I got a text that just said...

That just said, "Sweet dreams,"

and it made me laugh so hard.

We started this bit almost of...

"Ugh, traffic!"

She would text me something

like that, or just something very...

Just daily minutia.

And then we started

texting all the time.

I was waiting for this

stupid back and forth--

It seemed like she had a team

of writers writing for her.

She was so funny.

We were texting

for hours on end every day.

I was becoming the person

that I didn't understand before.

I thought Stephanie was so hilarious

that I wanted to incorporate her

in whatever I was doing.

I went through a lot last year,

and yeah, not to be

totally intense, heavy, serious,

but, you know, I learned

that it's important to, uh...

to be present and live your life.

Sorry. My phone.

I forgot to turn my phone off.

What you're saying is you went

through this intense experience.

Right.

And it taught you that,

you know, you need to...

- To just--

- You get one life and you need to...

Yeah, just, you know,

love the people you're with

and enjoy your life, and just to be...

I'm sorry.

Just to be present. Uh...

I'm sorry. My friend sends me

the funniest cat pictures.

You went through a...

a harrowing experience...

- I--

- ...where you thought

maybe your life is threatened.

- No, my life was threatened.

- Yeah.

Do you mind, I, uh...

I want... I...

She has this really funny picture.

Do you mind if I call her?

Go ahead. That's fine.

- Hello?

- Hey.

Hey!

Hey, what are you doing?

Uh...

Nothing, just...

What are you doing?

Nothing.

We didn't plan

that Conan segment out at all.

I remember her going,

"Just, when I call you, answer,

and just be really boring."

So then I heard

the audience laughing,

I'm like, "Oh, my God.

Tig is the funniest person I've ever met."

I couldn't tell exactly

how I felt or how she felt.

I just knew I really looked forward

to hearing from her.

And she made me laugh so hard, so...

it started to creep in my head, like,

"Do I like this person

more than a friend?"

I had stolen the kitten.

I felt like Tig was interested in me,

but I had told her

that I was only interested in men.

It was very clear

and we'd talk about it

and then it was done,

and then we'd just talk

about something else.

Now, fellas,

we should get into the show.

Michelle, you're on to talk

about pregnancy, right?

Yes. Yes, I'm an expert

in the area of being pregnant.

I'm 42. I had cancer,

and I was told I couldn't carry

a child for five years.

So if there's somebody out there

that wants to carry a baby for me,

please get in touch with Aaron

and let me know.

The phones are ringing off the hook!

These people wrote in

and their e-mail seemed totally normal.

You know, I had Aaron,

my assistant, e-mail with them,

and they still seemed normal.

I might Skype with them,

and be like, "Oh, my Lord. Bye-bye."

This is so awkward.

"Hi, will you carry my child?"

Hello.

- Hi.

- Hi, there.

I don't know where to begin.

- I mean, this is just so bizarre.

- Yeah.

But, um...

Like I said in my initial e-mail,

I was, kind of, you know...

We're glad to do all this,

but we're both also curious

how you would wanna see it go,

I mean, in terms of

the weirdness of the fact

we're states apart and stuff.

Your dream scenario,

- what would you love?

- Yeah, that's a good way to put it.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I'm kinda just really open.

After this crazy year that I had,

one of the really positive things

that came from it is

being more open to people

than I've ever been.

And people have shown just

such generosity and love and kindness

in a way that it's just,

my head is exploding.

And I... This is not something

I would've done a year ago.

I was so much more closed off.

So...

I'll come up for the weekend and...

- and get to know you guys a little better.

- Sure. Sounds like a plan.

Awesome. Well, thanks...

thanks so much.

And I look forward to meeting y'all.

- Thank you.

- All right.

- All right.

- Okay, bye.

See you in Seattle.

- Okay, bye-bye.

- Okay, bye.

Oh, my God.

What am I doing?

Just dropping by to see an old friend.

- Hello.

- Hello, how are you?

- How are you?

- Hello!

- This is Harpo.

- Harpo!

You're tiny and cute.

Harpo.

He's just kinda waking up,

so he's like, "Blah!"

Hi!

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