Tim Minchin: So Live Page #9

So this is my peace-anthem

for Palestine. Obviously,

being an anthem, there'll be opportunity,

towards the end, for you to

sing along.

If you know the words.

We don't eat pigs,

You don't eat pigs,

It seems it's been that way forever

So if you don't eat pigs,

And we don't eat pigs,

Why not, not eat pigs together?

Pigs.

We don't eat pigs,

You don't eat pigs,

It seems it's been that way forever

So if you don't eat pigs,

And we don't eat pigs,

Why not, not eat pigs together, together?

Pigs.

Pigs.

Pigs.

We don't eat pigs,

What, wha-

Wait, wait, wait, ?

We don't eat pigs,

You don't eat pigs,

It seems it's been that way forever

Sing!

So if you don't eat pigs,

And we don't eat pigs,

Why not, not eat pigs together, why not?

Why not, not eat pigs together?

One more time!

Why not, not eat pigs together, why not?

Rock!

You know how in, um,

Hollywood Mills & Boon

novels and stuff,

there's this myth

perpetuated that, uh,

that, uh, love

should happen at first sight.

Or that, if it does, it's more

valuable or something, and

I've written a love song to,

sort of, redress that.

Well, it's a nice song, it's-

cos it reminds me that love

creeps up on you, you know? And, uh,

Sometimes, when you're least expecting it.

Often when you don't really want it.

So, um, this is a ...

This is a love song

about that creepy-uppy kinda love.

You grew on me

like a tumour

And you spread through me

like malignant melanoma

And now youre in my heart

I shouldve cut you out back at the start

Now Im afraid

theres no cure for me

No dose of emotional

chemotherapy

Can halt my pathetic decline

I shouldve had you removed

back when you were benign

I picked you up

like a virus

Like

meningococcal meningitis

Now I cant feel my legs

When youre around

I cant get out of bed

Ive left it too late to risk an operation

I know theres no hope

of a clean amputation

The successful removal of you

Would probably kill me too

You grew on me like carcinoma

Crept up on me like untreated glaucoma

Now I find it hard to see

This untreated dose of you has blinded me

I shouldve consulted my local physician

Im stuck now forever with this tunnel vision

My periphery is screwed

Wherever I look now,

all I see is you

When we first met

you seemed fickle and shallow

But my armour was no match

for your poison arrow

You are wedged inside my breast

If I tried to pull you out now

I might bleed to death

Im feeling short of breath

You grew on me like a tumour

And you spread through me

like malignant melanoma

I guess I never knew

How fast

a little mole can grow

on

you

Tell you something,

I worry, um,

because

I"m just about playing my last song, and-

You want me to stop now?

That's, um-

I meant, I meant-

That was a little joke about me interpreting that as

"Oh, don't play your last song."

But what it sounds like "Do you want me

to stop now?", like a teacher.

I didn't mean, like- I mean the first one,

the low status one, not the high status one.

I worry that because-

because a lot of my songs

are sort of a little bit comic,

or, like a little bit

light-hearted,

that, um, that,

that people are gonna leave my show

thinking that I lack depth.

And I don't, I don't want that.

So, to relay that fear,

I always finish on this song.

Which I've written in the key

of C sharp Minor.

See what I'm saying?

And to kind of add to this

sense of

profundity created by the key,

I tend to change the lights as well.

Paul, have you got those, um,

those, uh,

reds.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying, like a-

And with this lighting state,

combined with minor key,

I think, mostly people leave my show,

hopefully having had a good time

and everything, but also thinking

"Yeah, that guy is really deep."

So this is a, uh-

This is a song called 'Dark Side'.

And, uh,

I'll see you at the other end.

I can have a dark side

If you want me to

I can have a dark side

I can develop my brooding potential

If pains what you want in an act

Pain I can do

I can have a dark side too

I can have a dark side

too

Hey!

Yeah!

I called my girlfriend up on the phone

I said, Hey g-girlfriend whats g-going wrong?

She said, Im breaking it off with you

I feel as if the ma-ma-magic has gone

I said, Hey baby whatre you talking about?

I thought that everything was just fine

She said, Thats exactly the point

I just get so annoyed how youre so happy all the time

I need somebody deeper than you

Someone with a little third-dimension

I said,

Well, I can have a dark side

If you want me to

I can have a dark side

I can develop my brooding potential

If pains what you want in a man

Pain I can do

I can have a dark side too

I can have a dark side

I can have a dark side

I can have a dark side

Hey!

I wrote a letter to Mr Sony

Said, Hey S-sony whats g-going down?

Ive got a record and I reckon its wicked

And I th-think you should s-spread it around

He said, Hey Tim, I quite like your work

He said Its clever and quirky

But I promise you this

You could be clever as Voltaire

But it wont get you nowhere

If you wanna sell discs

Clever never made no one rich

It doesnt appeal to the teenage market

The teenage market!

Well, I can have a dark side

If you want me to

I can have a dark side

I can reveal my tortured internals

If pains what you want in an act

Pain I can do

I can have a dark side too

I can have a dark side too

Daddy never came to my ball games

Where are you daddy?

Daddy never came to my ball games

He never loved me

Daddy never came to my ball games

Daddy never came

Daddy never came to my ball games

Daddy never came

Daddy never came to my ball games

Daddy never came

And I,

I can have a dark side

If you want me to

If you want me to

And I,

I can have a dark side

If you want me to

I can have a dark side too

I,

I can have a dark side

If you want me to

Yeah, I can have one

If you want me to

Yeah I,

I can have a dark side

If you want me to

Rock!

Thank you.

Because of your very positive reaction,

I'm gonna do one more song.

If your reaction had have been less positive,

I would have had to think of another reason.

Hey,

You know that feeling,

I think we all get that feeling sometimes,

this feeling-

You know that feeling you

get when you feel like

you're the smallest

doll in a Babooshka doll?

This is a song about that.

This is my Earth

And I live in it

Its one third dirt

And two thirds water

And it rotates and

revolves through space

At rather an impressive pace

And never even messes up my hair

And heres the really weird thing

The force created by its spin

Is the force that stops

the chaos flooding in

This is my Earth

And its fine

Its where I spend the vast

majority of my time

Its not perfect

But its mine

Its not perfect

This is my country

And I live in it

Its pretty big

And nice to walk on

And the bloke who runs my country

Has built a demagoguery

And tought us to be fearful and boring

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes