Tiny Christmas Page #2

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Did you hear that?

Barkley?

[screams]

My stocking!

What are you doing?

You know,

just binge-watching

some fireplace TV.

No spoilers.

My stocking will not be hung

from a Plasma Screen.

I have standards!

Oof!

[whispering] It's a--

Lawn gnome.

I knew they'd rise up

and attack.

The signs were there.

--Elf!

Aren't they supposed

to be shorter, though?

That's an awful stereotype.

[sighing with satisfaction]

Piece of cake.

[chuckles]

[laser zaps]

[yelps] Ah! Missed!

Sweet Gingerbread!

[wood splintering]

Not again!

Okay, I'll just

shrink you back to normal.

You got this, Elfonso,

you got this.

Please work, please!

Too small!

Oh, it's stuck!

What is happening!

This is a disaster!

Run!

I can fix this.

[laser zapping]

[screaming]

[together]:
We're alive!

We're alive!

[together]:

Wait, what just happened?

And why are there

two giant Viking ships

in your living room?

Those aren't ships.

They're shoes!

[Elfonso gasping in panic]

Elf-zilla!

Kids!

I saw kids!

Curvy-eared freaks.

You're seeing things, Elfonso.

It must be the hologram feature.

Yeah.

You saved my life.

You did like my burping!

No...

No, this is not happening.

Okay, not a hugger.

I get it.

I'll send you a thank you note.

Or a pet snake.

[clicks tongue]

Please, no snake!

It's all good.

What is this place?

[gasping in awe]:

Gift heaven.

[Mr. Potkins calls]: Emma!

[gasping in fright]

Emma?

Barkley Farkley?

I thought I heard a noise.

[wind gusting through window]

Hmm.

No more eggnog before bed.

[Elfonso panting in fright]

[yelping and jostling]

[yelping]

Stupid elf!

You never get caught!

That's the first rule

of elf club!

Barkley?

Barkley?

I think I swallowed

a doll head.

[incoming call chimes,

"Jingle Bells" tune]

Chill!

Thank Gumdrops you called!

I'm way out of my league here.

This is worse than

the Frosty Meltdown of '66.

Elfonso, why aren't you

wearing your goggles?

Goggles...

Oh, no!

You need to find

those goggles!

Without them, you can't

unshrink anything!

[Elfonso]:
They must be

in here somewhere.

You're the one who warned us,

once the sun comes up,

Christmas magic goes away,

and they won't even

work anymore!

Stop stressing me out!

Oh no...

Oh, no,

oh, no, oh, no!

I'll call you back.

Where are

those stupid goggles?

[screaming]

Incoming!

Stupid goggles!

[shrunken gifts clattering]

Okay, I went into

my first house,

I zapped the snowglobe,

then that scary guy showed up,

and...

They must still be there!

All right, Elfonso,

time to put on

your big-boy stockings,

and find those goggles.

I just need a little

elf-confidence.

[exhales bravely]

Oh, no...

Oh, no!

I've lost my fourth cousin.

Dad's going to kill me.

My-my stocking!

Where's my stocking?

Down here...

Look down,

beneath the toys.

Getting warmer.

Jackpot.

You can talk?

Is this like a Ghost

of Christmas Past situation?

Look inside!

"To my favorite cuz,

Love, Barkley."

[Barkley in menacing voice]:

What's in the box?

[laughing]

That was good!

So good.

Merry Christmas, cuz.

We're walkie-buds!

Look down,

by the bench!

[Emma groans in frustration]

Aw, so cute.

You look like

a cricket.

A cute, little, angry cricket.

There's nothing cute

about this!

Or crickets.

We're trapped!

[musical fish ornament

activates]

Dashing through the snow

I n a one-horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go--

Stop! How are you even

a decoration?

--Giddy-up now!

Dashing through the sn--

Stupid fake fish.

We need Dad.

We have to get back

to the house.

Ooh, that's a negative.

Your house is all the away

on the other side of the street.

And at our current

shrunken size,

we're a gazillion miles away.

It would take a week

to walk there.

We don't have a week.

We need the elf's goggles

to unshrink us, tonight.

Maybe we can find a stamp,

mail ourselves.

Barkley, this is serious!

We're gonna be stuck

like this!

We'll be freaks!

We'll have to check into

a roach motel, and...

and buy doll clothes!

Have you seen doll clothes?

They don't make

cool doll clothes?

It'll be all flower dresses

and overalls!

Okay, chill out, cuz.

Which is in exactly

three hours and 15 minutes.

How do you know that?

Doesn't everybody?

Here, I'll set my stop-watch.

Let's see...

[throwing star lands,

rattling]

Bingo!

Nice.

And...

[countdown clock beeps]

Do you have anything

in that fanny pack

that might actually help us?

Like a plan, maybe?

I have a plan.

We hire ourselves out

to salvage loose change

from sofas.

Or those keys that fall

between the seats of cars.

Anyway,

we save up enough cash,

then hire a mad scientist

to build a machine

that stretches our bones

to full-size.

Boo-yah!

[groans in exasperation]

I knew you'd dig it, cuz.

[Emma groaning]

I[grunting with effort]z.

Locked.

[doorbell rings]

[doorbell ringing]

Uh... who are you?

Elf-A-Gram!

Man, talk about

Christmas overload.

Okay, Emma,

it's up to you to find a way

out of this mess.

There!

Barkley, are you seeing this?

Barkley?

Tell me

you're not eating

floor food.

Of course not,

that would be gross,

and violate the 10-second rule

which I firmly abide by.

We're in my neighbor's house,

and we need to get

her attention.

Copy that.

I could burrow

under her toenail--

No!

Not what I'm saying.

What's wrong with you?

I meant, something

a little less... blech.

Okay.

Copy that.

Negative on the toenail.

Going with plan B.

I climb up,

crawl inside her head,

and kung fu an S.O.S.

into her eardrum.

[sighing]

Who exactly

should I thank

for sending me

an "Elf-A-Gram"

at 2:
00

in the morning?

Uh... secret admirer.

Uh... need-to-know basis.

Huh... I could've sworn

we moved the couch

into this room.

Couch?

[chuckles]

I don't think so.

What are you doing?

Looking for rat infestations.

It's part of your Elf-A-Gram

signature service.

Lucky you.

I should go wake the kids.

Kids?

You mean with

the high voices,

and the diapers,

and the messy rooms,

and the creepy little ears

and stuff?

Sort of.

They're real?

Off the ground! Now!

Come on!

Let's go,

off the ground.

Move, move, move!

[crunching underfoot]

[gasps in horror]

Oh, no!

What have I done?

Oh, no.

I can't look.

Is it...?

I'm afraid so.

A little person.

[gasping in despair]

It's okay.

We can glue its head back.

Glue its head?

What kind of

sick monster are you?

I've got others.

I can spare one.

[relieved] Oh!

It's just

a Christmas Village figurine.

Now, what are you doing

still awake?

Santa's coming,

and I would hate for you

to end up

on the naughty list!

Now, for the love

of reindeer,

don't step on the ground!

You're gonna crush somebody!

I'll just

see myself out.

I'll catch a cab

back to the North Pole.

Here I go, leaving now.

Bye!

[stumbling and yelping]

[muttering]

Stupid gingerbread man...

[novelty decoration giggles]

Yay, Christmas!

[whispering] Kids?

Are you there?

Kids!

Are you sure we shouldn't

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