Tiny Christmas Page #3

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just sleep here?

I mean, these slippers

look really comfortable.

Just wake her up.

But be gentle.

Don't want her

squashing you like a bug.

Got it.

I got just the thing

in here somewhere.

What's up with the whole

fanny-pack anyway?

You must be talking

about my utility belt.

Why? You jelly?

Uh, that's a definite "no".

Oh, I get it.

I'd be jealous of the best

Christmas gift ever, too.

Look...

my parentals have to get

a little creative

with their gifts.

Truth is,

I'm usually flying solo

on Christmas.

I've had these walkies

for five years now.

Never had a friend

to try them out with.

Till now.

Ba-dang!

Here it is.

Uh...

why do you have

a tickling feather

in your fanny-pack?

Where else would you keep

your tickling feather?

[sighs bravely]

Gitchy-gitchy-goo!

Ah-gitchy-gitchy-goo!

Definitely

a Christmas to forget...

Gitchy-gitchy-goo!

Gitchy-gitchy--

Wait,

Why do you get the cute,

sparkly walkie-talkie,

and mine is all, "Ten-hut!"

Oh...

I just thought that the camo one

was more your vibe.

You know, less girly-girl.

Since you're clearly going

for the whole

"I'm super serious" thing.

Wait, what?

Me?

Uh... that is so

not what I'm going for!

Oh, well, either way,

the bedazzles match my eyes.

I think I need

some radio-silence.

I should go off-radio, too.

These old lady dogs

are pretty calloused.

It's time to double-feather.

Goochy-goochy-goo!

Come on, wake up.

Ah-gitchy-gitchy-goo!

Ah-gitchy-gitchy-goo!

[snoring]

[purring]

Uh... Barkley?

We have a problem.

A big, furry,

whiskered problem.

Did you hear me?

Turn your walkie back on!

What up, cuz!

Behind you!

You need to run!

Go, girlfriend!

I mean, the moves

are kinda whack,

but I like the funk.

Go shorty, go shorty

Go, go, go, shorty

Run!

It's behind you!

Go, shorty

Go, go--

Look behind you!

Go, shorty, go, shorty

Go, shorty

go, shorty...

Move!

Behind you!

[cat purring]

[cat grumbles]

[screams]

[scream echoing]

[snoring]

[meows grumpily]

There's a giant

cat-monster down here!

Why didn't you warn me?

I was trying to!

He saw me dive under here.

You know what,

I'm gonna make a break for it.

[screaming]

[Barkley meowing hopefully]

Meow! Meow!

What are you doing?

I speak cat!

I'm trying to reason

with this thing.

[cat meows]

Nobody speaks cat!

[screams]

You're just making

stupid sounds!

Keep running!

Yup!

Couldn't agree more.

[screaming]

[cat meowing]

[screams echoing]

Barkley, talk to me!

Come out to the coast,

have a few laughs.

It's okay!

Just stay where you are,

you'll be safe.

[cat meowing]

Safe?

It's cardboard!

[screaming]

Come on, kitty,

stop it!

This is only fun

for one of us.

[screaming]

I think I'm gonna barf.

Barkley, stay in the tube.

It's not safe.

Wowzers!

That is totally going

in the new

Christmas Tradition file.

Barkley!

Furball, 12:
00!

[gasps]

Hey there, kitty kitty.

Look, I know you're angry.

I'd be angry, too,

if I had to wear that.

[cat snarling]

Run, Emma!

Get home!

Hang stockings

and eat candy-canes in my honor.

[activates novelty singing fish]

Dashing through the snow--

[Emma calling] Hey!

Hey!

Yeah, that's right,

over here!

Some real fine fish caroling

goin' on up here!

Makin' spirits bright

[snarls]

[]

Wait, no, no, no, no.

I just meant for you

to look this way,

not actually come this way.

You... You see

the difference, right?

[binoculars clatter]

Good kitty...

She even decorates

her kitty litter?

Oh, come on!

You're too high up!

Don't do it!

You're why cats

have a bad name.

[growling]

Cannonball!

[walkie static]

Well, that ribbon

did absolutely nothing.

[object falling]

I stand corrected.

Hello?

Little dudes?

Anyone in there?

If you can hear me,

go to the light.

Go to the light!

Cuz?

[static crackling]

Cuz?

Barkley?

Can you hear me? Cuz!

Barkley!

Answer me!

[static crackling] Answer me!

Oh, come on, dead battery.

Stupid bedazzled walkie!

[rousing, groggily]

Tinselpaws...

[sighs]

You know you're not supposed

to be on the table.

[cat meowing]

Help!

Look down here!

Play with your own toys.

[sighs]

Oh, my word,

it's the middle of the night.

Timothy and the kids

should have been here by now.

[screams]

Where's my phone?

My phone...

Grandma again.

Must have fallen asleep.

Um, you were supposed

to be here hours ago.

Everything is ready.

I even have

something extra special

for little Timmy Jr.

Please call me

when you get this.

[sighing]

[humming]

What..?

Yes!

Tinselpaws...

you understand.

After all these years.

I knew!

We have to record this,

for science!

I'll get the camera.

Cat people.

[alert pings]

Oh, no.

The sleigh is on the move.

It's my only chance

for elf backup!

Children, I'll be back.

Remember, the microwave

and the garbage disposal

are not your friends.

Just touch the letters

that spell your name.

Come on, you'll be famous.

They'll put you

on the interwebs.

[cooing]

You can do it,

yes, you can...

[kissing

and beckoning]

Come on!

Please, cuz, say something!

Anything!

Grunt!

Scream! Yodel!

You know what,

I'm coming in there after you.

You saved my fanny-pack

back there,

the least I can do is--

[inhaling bravely]

[groaning] Oh...

for the love of humanity,

what is she feeding this cat?

Oh... Oh, I'm sorry, cuz,

I thought I was strong enough,

but the smell...

The smell.

I didn't deserve you.

You were the best

fourth cousin I ever had.

We didn't know

each other for long,

but the times we had?

Good times.

[clears throat]

You're alive!

And you smell

like a cat toilet.

Well, hold your nose.

We've got

a table to climb.

[gasping with effort]

See?

The cat-lady's phone

is on the desk.

We can call for help.

Okay, well,

we better hurry,

because we have less than

two hours left--

Whoa...

Candy!

Sweet monster-sized candy!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Barkley...

stop acting

like Barkley@

We're on a mission.

Oh...

Mayday!

Mayday!

Elf emergency alert!

I can't find the sled.

Does any elf copy?

[incoming call chimes]

Elfonso!

You missed the rendezvous point!

We had to take off!

Don't go!

I have a situation.

And we've got

stockings to stuff!

You're gonna have to fix it

on your own, kiddo.

On my own?

I'm not trained for this!

Whoa!

Watch out for that plane!

[forlornly] I'm not trained

for anything...

Huh, the grandkids.

They do the whole

pajama thing, too.

I should've

taken that picture.

We will.

I promise.

Uh... what are you doing?

Gotta stretch out

the old

number-dialing legs.

Barkley!

Please stop making me

roll my eyes.

I'm getting a migraine.

Okay, uh...

[beeps]

[beeping]

Okay, you hit the "6" and "8",

and I'll hit "Call".

Okay.

[call ringing]

[cell phone rings]

[low voice booming]

It's the middle of the night!

Uh... Dad!

It's Emma!

We need help!

[high-pitched squeaking]

Whoever this is...

[low voice booming]

...don't call here again.

Whoa!

Okay then.

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