To Die For Page #3

you'll get it...

but you gotta really want it.

You gotta be able to do things

that ordinary people wouldn't do.

You see what I'm saying?

I think so.

How about another of those?

- I don't know about that.

- Sweetheart?

Give us another all around.

Anyway, when I was at the network...

there was this gal from

some ten-watt station in the Midwest...

where she did the weather.

The weather.

So she comes up to New York...

in her best Donna Karan

dress-for-success knockoff...

blonde hair all done up

in a French twist...

and an audition tape

in her imitation leather briefcase...

along with a letter of introduction

from her station manager.

And it says...

'Please give your

most serious consideration...

to the bearer of this letter--'

Miss So-and-so.

'Who is of moderate intelligence...

who has some experience

in broadcasting...

and, more importantly...

who can suck your cock

until your eyes pop out.'

And you know who that gal is?

Who?

Is that true?

It's true.

And here comes the best part.

- Yes?

- This is the best part.

About ten years ago,

I'm at some TV conference somewhere...

and I run into

that station manager...

and I congratulate him

on his letter-writing skills.

And he doesn't know

what I'm talking about.

Why doesn't he?

Because he didn't write

the letter.

Oh. Who did?

She did.

She wrote it herself.

Oh, I see.

It's good, isn't it?

- I watch your show all the time.

- Everybody does.

So...

what do you think, Suzanne?

What do I think about what?

Well--

Hi, honey.

Where were you?

I couldn't sleep.

When I put out the sign

for a gal Friday...

I figured I'd be interviewing

a couple of high school dropouts...

who wouldn't mind going to the mall

and picking up doughnuts...

and emptying the ashtrays,

that kind of thing.

This is when we

first meet Gangbusters.

That's what George and I

called Suzanne.

Not to her face, of course.

Mr. Grant, I am the woman

you are looking for.

My name is

Suzanne Stone Maretto...

but I plan to use Suzanne Stone

as my professional name.

I'd like you to look over

my resume...

which details

both my educational background...

and my references

in the media field.

I can make you a solemn promise

that I will be...

dedicated and committed

to this job.

Hang on a second.

We're only looking for someone

to answer the mail, run errands.

Minimum pay, no benefits.

Money is not my main concern.

I just want a chance

to contribute something.

I think you'll find I have

very valuable ideas about programming.

Whoa! No!

You're not hearing what I'm saying.

Take a look around you.

I mean, Suzanne, we're talking

local cable station here.

I just want a chance

to get my foot in the door.

Everybody has to start somewhere.

Do you know where

Edward R. Murrow started?

No, I don't.

No. Well, neither do I offhand.

I don't think it was

at the top, do you?

I live only five minutes from here.

I will be willing and eager...

to respond to any newsworthy

emergency you put in front of me.

Mr. Grant, this is a dream

I have had all my life.

I will do anything to get this job.

This is my associate George.

Pleased to meet you, George.

Well, we'll think about it.

I believe that my assets--

I said we'll think about it!

And we will.

Thank you.

I believe that

in our fast-moving computer age...

it is the medium of television that

joins together the global community...

and it is the television journalist

who serves as messenger...

bringing the world into our homes

and our homes into the world.

It has always been my dream

to become such a messenger.

I look to you, gentlemen, now...

to make that dream...

a reality.

Jesus Christ.

Gangbusters.

F***in' gangbusters.

- Come on back to bed.

- I gotta go to work.

- Ten minutes.

- I gotta go.

- Five minutes.

- I gotta put my face on.

- Put your face on me. Two minutes.

- Take your hand away.

Come, Walter.

The dog was a cute little thing,

wasn't it?

She was crazy about that dog.

It was darling.

Oh, hello!

She named it Walter...

after Walter--

Is it 'Cronkite'?

The guy who used to be on TV.

I think he was Dan Rather's

uncle or something.

It was like a hair ball puked up

by some demon from hell.

There wasn't much to do.

Most of the time she just sat

over there and worked on her file...

her idea file.

She had so many ideas.

This is the presentation on that idea

with me going to local movie theaters...

talking to the people coming out

to see what they really think.

An actual...

vox populae, if you know the term.

Here's the memo on that children's show

with me as the hostess...

and the live, in-studio animals.

Look it over tonight.

Give me your thoughts in the morning.

A couple of pages outlining that concept

for interviewing everyday citizens...

like mailmen,

school crossing guards...

to inform our citizenry on what kind of

valuable services are available to them.

After a few months,

she wore me down.

I let her do the evening weather report,

which she was fine at.

Although with the preparation

she put into it...

you'd think

she was covering D-Day.

Six, five...

Six, five...

four, three...

two, one.

You're on!

Good evening

from the WWEN Weather Center.

Weather Center?

The heavy system

we were expecting...

moving down from the north

is not going to show up after all...

because the high pressure system...

is going to be moving

up to the north.

The temperature for tonight

will remain unseasonably cool...

with patches of fog in the morning

and probably--

Come on.

Let's have some quiet here.

The winds are at

seven to ten miles per hour.

Sunrise will be at 6:12.

That's about It for your

up-to-the-minute weather report.

This is your

WWEN weather person saying...

I'll be with You again tomorrow evening,

rain or shine.

I never really gave a rat's ass

about the weather...

until I got to know Mrs. Maretto.

Now I take it very seriously.

If it rains...

or there's lightning or thunder...

or if it snows...

I have to jack off.

Oh, right. Sorry.

Today's guest, Mrs. Maretto...

is a representative

of our local television station, WWEN.

- On-air correspondent.

- I'm sorry?

Actually, I'm

an on-air correspondent.

Well, that's fine.

Anyway, Mrs. Maretto has asked

to have a few words with you.

I know that while I'm gone

you will give her your best attention.

Here's my best attention.

Did you say something, Russell?

No, Mr. Finlaysson, I didn't.

I didn't!

Well, first of all,

I would like to thank you all...

for extending me the courtesy

of your time and attention.

I got something to extend.

And I would like to say

that I hope you'll all be as excited...

about the project I'm here

to propose to you as I am.

First of all, I want to ask...

have any of you ever been

on television before?

Not counting home video,

of course.

No one?

I was!

- What's your name?

- Lydia Mertz.

And how did it happen

that you made this appearance?

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