To Die For Page #4

It was down at Benson's Electronics.

They have this video camera

in the window...

and when you walk by

they take your picture.

Well, this may come

as a surprise...

but that is how some of our

most famous personalities started out--

just seeing what they

look like, accidentally.

- Is that true?

- Absolutely.

Now, I am producing

a television documentary...

about kids just like yourselves...

because it is teenagers like you...

who are the future of our nation.

And, after all, I used to be

a teenager myself once...

back in the Dark Ages.

I would like to find out

about your way of life--

how you feel

about your education...

how you feel

about things like peer pressure...

how you feel about drugs...

rap music.

P*ssy?

Do we have to get permission slips

from our parents for this?

No, that wouldn't be necessary.

When'd your folks learn

to read and write?

Hey, read this, shitface.

All right.

I am going to put this list

on your bulletin board.

And any of you

who think this project...

would be as meaningful

as I know it can be...

put their names on it.

I would also like to thank you all...

for your interest.

- Everything settled then?

- Yes.

Well, then let's give

Mrs. Maretto our thanks...

and a round of applause.

Thank you.

Sign up.

I'd never really signed up

for anything before...

except an after-school

weight watchers program...

which I was asked to leave anyway

'cause they said I wasn't motivated...

and because I gained 11 pounds

in three weeks.

But this was different...

'cause it turned out to be

the most important thing I ever did.

Now, here's some advice,

Russell dear.

That nice Mrs. Maretto

is married to a boy...

whose father is a pillar

of the ltalian-American community...

and if he knew

how you had insulted...

his only beloved daughter-in-law...

he would make one phone call...

and a man with a big knife would show up

in the middle of the night...

and turn you into a eunuch.

You know what a eunuch is?

Of course you don't.

You can find it in the dictionary.

If you don't know how to spell it, you

can look it up under 'nutless wonders.'

So I'm thinking,

there must be some simple way...

for you to make it up

to Mrs. Maretto...

for your offensive behavior.

What do you think?

What is a eunuch?

I have to say

that the staff at WWEN...

I have to say

that the staff at WWEN...

responded with total enthusiasm

to my project...

and gave me excellent support...

both editorially and technically...

because I think they could sense

almost immediately...

that I was

onto something important...

in a sociological sense.

She must've taped

God-knows-how-many hundreds of hours...

with these three dorky kids...

who, from what I've seen, would have

a major struggle on their hands...

just reciting the days of the week

in proper order.

Forget about social insights.

Here, I'll show you.

This is 'Teens Speak Out' project,

tape one, take one.

I'm Suzanne Stone and these are--

Now, let's just saY something

in general about ourselves.

Like what?

What do you plan to do

with your future?

I don't exactly have a plan.

Well, you must have

aspirations of some kind.

What?

A dream, a life goal.

I can tell you

Lydia's big life goal.

It's to f***

the new kids on the block.

That's a dirty lie!

I don't want to hear language like that.

It is very offensive...

and it is unsuitable for broadcast

under FCC regulations.

- You got that?

- Yeah.

Anyways, it was Motley Crue.

All right, Lydia.

- Just for your information.

- What about you, James?

I think you get the point.

It's not exactly

Mike Wallace, eat your heart out.'

But I have to say

I've never seen more persistence.

I once said to her--

What about we call it a night?

Just need to get

this reel cleaned up.

An hour, maybe two.

You go ahead. I'll lock up.

Don't you have that nice husband

waiting at home for you?

He knows how much

this means to me.

He works full-time at his dad's

restaurant, so he gets home real late.

Well, Suzanne, I sure pity

the person who says no to you.

No one ever does.

Why're you tyin' her up again?

Why is she fied up again?

Just leave her alone.

Untie yourself.

Leave her alone.

If she runs away--

As Scripture says,

God is alive.

F***er.

That life, friends, is heaven.

Heaven is waiting for you.

See, nobody ever

called me that before.

All anyone ever called me was...

Jimmy or Jimbo or...

other stuff.

My mom told me

that I was named Jimmy...

after this old movie star

she liked...

named Jimmy Dean.

But...

well, when anyone ever asked me,

I always said I was named Jim...

after Jim Morrison of The Doors...

'cause, you know...

he had this great kind of life...

just traveling around

and writing his songs...

and having women beg him

to do it to them...

even to take his...

'organ' out onstage.

That kind of life

I thought I'd like to have.

I bet he jumps her

all the time, you know?

Like after dinner, just bang,

right on the kitchen table.

F***in' during even.

Yeah. Maybe both.

Those skinny b*tches,

they can't get enough of it.

They're always wanting it.

That's a medical fact.

It's because the nerves in their body

are all bunched up in their snatch.

They're all right up in there...

so they're all whack.

I don't think that's true.

What are you, a doctor?

She's a perfectly nice person.

You think she's gonna make you

a big movie star?

Just to be on TV

will be something nice.

It'd be something different.

I got something different

for you right here.

You're a disgusting pig.

Yeah.

You know what we should do?

We should get some money out of it.

- What makes you think she's got any?

- You shittin' me?

Her husband, Mr. F***in' Big Cock...

owns a f***in' guinea restaurant,

all right?

Look at the car she drives.

Look at her f***in' fingernails.

Big, red, sculpted, glossy nails.

She got plenty of money.

That's rich b*tch stuff.

Yeah, maybe.

You think she's

some kind of hot sh*t.

- She just looks--

- What?

Clean.

Come on. They're ready.

Kids, stop it.

- That's a real pretty outfit, honey.

- Thanks.

- You want one of these?

- No, thanks.

What about one of these?

You're goin' in the pool.

No, thanks.

He sure is great with those kids.

He's gotta stop eating that junk.

He's getting a rubber tire around him.

He'll make

a wonderful father someday.

He calls them love handles.

I call them flab.

- What about you?

- Me? You think I look fat?

No! What about the idea of kids?

That's what I mean.

Well, I love kids.

I absolutely love them, but...

a woman in my field with a baby

has two strikes against her.

- Say I'm in New York--

- New York?

Well, for instance.

And I'm suddenly called

on some foreign assignment...

like a royal wedding

or a revolution in South America.

You can't run from place to place

with your crew following...

and conduct serious interviews

with a big, fat stomach.

Or say you've already had the baby,

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