TOC: Transtornada Obsessiva Compulsiva Page #2

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Kika, let's take a picture with Kadu?

- Man, we're late.

- So late...

He has pictures with Roberto Carlos,

Messi, Ingrid Guimares...

- Ingrid took a picture with him?

- Yes.

- I want one then.

- Ok...

Come here, Kadu.

Let's take a picture, honey?

Come take a picture with me.

Wait a little.

He's not willing.

- Go with her.

- Come here, my love.

You have to show

self-confidence.

Come take a picture with me!

Give him a pistachio.

Give a banana to this monkey!

He had too many bananas.

Stay firm.

Relax, you're the alpha male.

Hi, Kadu. How are you?

You don't want

a picture with me, right?

I'm the alpha, ok?

You either do it or I'll shove

your nail dick in your ass!

Is that what you want?

Come here!

What do I do, doctor?

Amputate it.

Prepare the surgery room.

I'm feeling bad!

It bit me.

My throat is closing.

I don't joke about those things.

Help me! Help me!

Is this an emergency?

Doctor, I have internal bleeding.

Miss, this is an emergency.

What's up?

Don't you think I caught

a little Ebola?

Monkeys transmit Ebola.

I have hydrophobia.

For the love of God,

someone bring me some euthanasia!

Everyone is entitled

to some euthanasia.

I hate blood, Carol.

For the love of God!

Carol, please do something!

General anesthesia!

The doctor prescribed this.

Which one do you want?

- One looks like an M&M.

- The M&M!

Seriously, induce coma.

Are you calmer?

It kicked in, right?

Today I'm happier.

I know I can count on you.

Kika, you're like my mom.

Sign it for the girl.

- Boy.

- Ok.

Sign it, Kika.

Kika, sign it.

Come on.

I brought you

a little piece of me.

Do you like c*cks?

I love you. Thank you!

I'll smoke a cigarette.

Are you ok? Perfect.

Next!

I'm sorry man, I'm a little late.

The store is packed with

beautiful people. What's going on?

- Next.

- Next.

A book launch.

Kika, is that it?

Who is Kika?

Some actress, I don't know.

"1003 Ways To Be Happy".

There are 1003 ways to be happy

and people don't get it right?

Sixty nine and ninety cents.

Sixty nine and ninety cents?

Look at this:

The picture of Dalai Lama fishing.

Half page!

Did you know

that Dalai Lama used to fish?

No.

Thank you.

Kikinha...

- Kikinha...

- Felipo?

- Hi, Kikinha.

- Felipo!

You didn't bring my book,

but I brought this other one.

I wouldn't miss the book signing

of my favorite author.

"To my friend, Felipe..."

We are friends?

Man!

Man!

No one ever

called me a friend.

You're also my friend.

You're my best friend.

Did you think

I wouldn't see you?

Get out, you're useless!

Security, get this

nuisance out of here!

I'm Kika's friend now!

You won't get me out!

Get him out! Come on!

Get off me! Get off me!

Kika, Whatsapp me!

Such a nuisance!

- Get out!

- F*** you!

This is a gift for you.

It's a pleasure to finally

meet you, Kika.

See you later.

It's over for today.

No more words!

- You're good, right?

- Yes.

Get some rest!

- Good night.

- Bye.

Good evening.

How does it feel to own

the largest marijuana crop

- ever seen in Curitiba?

- I don't feel anything...

"I am a poet".

Mayakovski once said

that if there's

a truly happy man,

he lives in Brazil.

I'm feeling so lazy...

Later, at 37,

he committed suicide...

Psoriasis is a skin disease

that causes white, scaly skin.

If the symptoms persist...

Come in!

CROOKED STEPS:

Is it done?

So beautiful, so beautiful...

- Do you really mean that, Samuca?

- I do.

Do you think

I can be a painter?

You can be whatever

you want to be, Marcinha.

- Can I be a typist?

- You can.

- A contemporary dancer?

- You can.

- An obstetrician?

- You can.

- A fighter pilot?

- You can.

- A brain surgeon?

- That's a bit complicated...

- But can I?

- You can.

- Stop it.

- I love you, Samuca, I do.

I love you too, Marcinha.

Not just because your father

has an oil company,

or because

you're the actual owner.

I love you for who you are.

Love is a hurricane,

it blossoms from the heart

- What about the dog?

- It's dead.

KIKA KAPLAN ON A RESTAURANT IN LEBLON

WEARING SUNGLASSES.

KIKA MAKES A SCENE,

SHAMES BOYFRIEND

KIKA ATTACKED BY MONKEY

AT INTERVIEW:

What the f***?

It's a periscope!

Come on, I answer the call

and there's a penis...

He was watching you on

the soap opera and got all excited.

- Looking at Marcinha?

- I did.

She got me really hot.

Can you use that voice I like?

With that soft mouth.

Caio, she speaks like that because

she doesn't have a palate.

Come on, baby...

What's going on?

Why are you being like that?

Caio, it's been tough.

You're nervous because of that part

in "Lovegeddon", right? Tell me.

I've only played Marcinha, how can

I play a leading role in a soap?

Honey, you're awesome!

You're the bomb!

Come on!

Listen to me...

You're the best actress in Brazil,

you're Kika!

- You have to believe in yourself.

- You're always being cute.

You're so cute!

- Now take off your blouse.

- Damn it, Caio!

- Let me see those b*obs.

- No, Caio, I had an awful day.

I took a flight to Ana Juliana's

show, and a monkey bit me.

I'm home now, relaxing,

watching a cult movie.

- What's it called?

- "September, March, October,

- and September Again".

- Interesting name, what's it about?

- About the former Polish Republic.

- Nice.

And about brothers

who lose their parents.

The father tries to find the son,

who dies, the other one dies too,

and a St. Bernard tries

to save them, but dies as well.

It's a very sad movie

about reincarnation.

How about it?

- Are you masturbating?

- Hey, show me your b*obs.

- No, I'm not doing that.

- Come on, honey!

- No, stop, Caio.

- You know what, Kika?

I'm starting to worry

about our relationship.

You're always in So Paulo,

and I'm in Rio.

A relationship is just like a shark:

If you don't send him nudes, he dies.

Okay, I'll send them.

Just a second, I'm going

to find a picture,

and I want you to take one

just like it.

Holy crap, what's that?

It's called "assgina",

I got it from the internet.

- Holy sh*t, assgina, how does someone...

- It's easy, I'll show you.

No, no, that's okay,

I'll send the picture, all right?

I'm going to take a shower,

poop, and I'll send it.

I love you.

Thank you very much.

WHERE'S THE ASSGINA?

I LOVE YOU:

I LOVE YOU:

1003 WAYS TO BE HAPPY

To Kika, from Arthur,

your ghost writer.

It's not my best work,

but it's going to be the most read.

I didn't want to write just another

autobiography of a famous actress,

but to send a message of help

and hope to those who feel lost.

My God,

what a piece of garbage...

Tell me, dear reader:

Have you ever felt sad

without knowing why?

Have you felt that even though

you've reached your goals,

you still feel a huge

emptiness in your chest?

Do you sometimes feel like gouging

your eyes out with your own hands,

just to feel something

other than the world's indifference

to our insignificant

existence?

In that case, dear reader, maybe

you and I aren't so different.

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