Todd Glass: Act Happy Page #8

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Except maybe Jewish people,

that's another thing.

The reason you don't

have any kids in your life,

say you work in an office,

a 19-year old's having a party.

He'll invite a 75-year old working there,

go, "They're so cool, gotta invite them!"

But they won't invite you

if they always hear you going,

"It was better.

There are no good bands these days.

Everything was better back then."

Who the f*** wants you at a party?

Even if you're right,

I need some dumb 40-year old

saying there are no good bands?

This is the 40-year old

who doesn't go see bands

doesn't go to hip places

where cool new bands play,

he watches bands on TV

and goes, "I was born in a better time."

Well, guess what?

Shama Lama Ding Dong's on your dime!

Hold on. Then... I got one more thing.

People go, "Oh, the kids, you know what?

Kids today won't be able

to read maps in five years."

Two things. Firstly, who gives a sh*t?

Secondly, they're not going to be able

to churn butter, either!

They can't make smoke signals.

Know why they can't read a map?

And they can, I'm going with your premise,

cos I gotta beat it outta ya.

The reason they can't read a map,

is cos they invented oneon their phone

that reads to them, ya dumb f***!

And these are the same people

that are like,

"Oh, you can't say anything anymore.

You can't say anything anymore."

You know who says that?

Most of the time,

people with nothing f***ing to say!

Know when they say that?

Not when wanting to write poetry

or music everyone disagrees with,

when corrected for using gay,

retarded, fag as adjectives.

Further back, "Jew me down",

that's when they,

"You can't say anything anymore!"

What the f*** are you saying

that it inhibits you?

What are your censors like?

"I can't say retarded or fag

or Jew me down...

"what am I gonna talk about?"

These are the same people

that go, "What's next?"

We're onto you.

Let's make it clear

what these "what's next?" people are.

They act like they're OK with something,

"I'm OK with gay marriage,

but what's next?"

What do you give a sh*t?

You sound like you're saying,

"I'm tired of evolving".

I'm not asking you to stop it,

I'm going "Know what it sounds like..."

When you get tired of growing,

and go, "I already became OK with that,

now I have to get to know this group

of people?"

You sound like,

"Should I keep growing 'til I die?

Next time there's a group of people

and I don't understand their lifestyle,

I'll take a little time, learn about them

and end up loving them!"

These same people go,

"There wasn't depression."

They have some deluded thing,

"There wasn't depression back then."

Yeah, people drank themselves to death!

There was sh*t going on.

"We didn't have peanut allergies then.

When I was growing up,

we didn't have peanut allergies."

They were called "unexplained deaths",

you dumb f***!

That's how to close a show.

Goodnight everybody!

One of you pooped. I know it.

It was not me. Honest.

You pooped.

- Seriously...

-You pooped.

It's very unprofessional

to ask who pooped.

-It's unprofessional, you know.

-You pooped.

It doesn't matter, you'll never find out,

I know.

-You pooped. You pooped.

-I did not.

-It's unprofessional.

-You pooped.

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