Tomcats Page #2

---

Thanks.

Forget it, pal.

She's only interested in high rollers.

Hard six! Let's go! We need

a hard six! We got a shooter!

- Long and hard six. Let's go.

- No more bets.

Two trades, go a long way.

Here we go, we got a shooter.

- We got a roller! Hard six!

- Seven!

That hurt.

That hurt.

I'm in! We got a shooter! Let's go!

I'm in. I'm letting it ride!

No more bets.

Eleven! Winner, winner,

chicken dinner.

Craps.

Oh, God, no. No touching!

No touching.

That really hurt.

Yes, I'm on a roll!

I need you to come over.

Michael's gone crazy trying

to impress some girl.

Come on, baby. I'm on fire.

All right, I'll come down.

Color me up, pops.

Your $11.00, sir?

Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?

Craps.

No, please, Jesus, kill me now!

Kill me now! Kill me.

Or don't? Let it ride,

my credit's good! Credit!

Let's go! Give me these dice!

- What are you doing, buddy?

- Rolling the bones.

Steve, Amber. Amber, Steve.

- How far are you down?

- I'm not so bad.

Twenty-five five.

- Social security.

- Twenty-five thousand?

Listen, buddy. You can't do this.

Okay, listen. You can't afford this.

- You have to stop now!

- Give me my dice!

Put the dice down.

Stop. Now.

That was close, buddy. I'll quit

while I still can. That was close.

- Seven out.

- Time out!

Do over! I didn't roll that.

I didn't roll that. She rolled.

Come with us, please.

- Let's go.

- That's it. No more redheads. Ever.

Fellas, we're closed.

This is the guy, Carlos.

Hi.

I don't think I owe this money.

Really? And why do you say that,

Mr. Delaney?

I didn't roll the dice. A lady threw

the dice. I don't even know her name.

So this is all just Like a big

misunderstanding.

Well, luckily, we have tape.

Ah, see?

That's us. Losers. More losers.

For about $9.95 in the room,

you can watch that.

Shame we had to leave that.

A reason to bring back instant replay.

I've said that for years.

That has got to hurt you.

Was that Tricia?

The woman you were with at the bar

was handling the dice for luck.

You gave them to her, she threw

them on the table.

That, Mr. Delaney, is a roll

in any casino in town.

Now, I'm sorry. But you owe us

51 ,000 dollars.

- 51 ,000 dollars?

- Plus the minibar.

- Can we see that tape?

- I don't have 51 ,000 dollars.

I'm a cartoonist.

I do background color for

Sunday's "Garfield".

I love your work,

but here's what we do:

We're dangerous, quasi-criminal,

take-no-sh*t Vegas types.

So, what does that mean?

What are you going to do? Hurt me?

I got into this business

to make easy money and...

...the damn thing is, they

hook you in and...

...then you find yourself doing things

you don't really want to be doing...

...like killing people like you.

And then you start to enjoy it,

which is a problem.

I'm kidding. Making a light

remark, though probably not to you.

Point is, I will hang you...

...cut your balls off

and put them in your pocket.

But not without a lot

of Jewish guilt.

You owe me, in one month,

51 ,000 dollars.

And starting now, I will need

a daily security deposit.

I think it's important if we go back

to that tape with the ladies.

But cheer up.

I am going to comp the minibar.

What happened?

- I'm screwed, that's what happened.

- All right, where are you?

I just lost 51,000 dollars.

If I don't get it in a month,

I'm buzzard feed.

They'll kill me.

Jesus. I wish we could give you

the money...

...but we put our cash into the house.

And we've borrowed against it

to set up Steve's practice...

...which explains why the wedding of

my dreams cost $280.

What are you doing?

Have you seen my flip-flops?

You know anybody who'll loan you

the money?

No, baby, listen.

If you want us to stop seeing other

people, what the hell? Let's try it.

It might help us reach a deeper level

of togetherness...

...and you know, bring us

closer together.

Yeah. Okay. Sure.

Yeah, me too. All right,

kiss-kiss. Okay, bye.

Your sister is driving me nuts.

Okay, we're here.

What you're going to go for is a nice,

smooth stroke. Okay?

Swing back.

- There you go.

- How's that?

Okay. Well, we'll keep trying, okay?

Let's work on your form.

You'll get it. No problem.

All right, Yoshi.

Keep your head down.

Keep your head down. Remember?

Grip and rip, dude. Grip and rip.

- Kyle, what's going on?

- Mike?

What are you doing here?

I'm just hitting the links with

some of the fellas.

You want a ride?

Sure. Fellas, I'll meet you at

the 19th hole for a Heineken.

So you're serious about

this girl, huh?

Remember what we said about screwing

every woman in the world?

I'm halfway there.

One or two chicks at a time.

That's okay. Keep it.

I've got more in the bag.

She's nothing to me, dude.

Two things I hate:

Chicks who want commitment...

...and a**holes who want

to borrow money.

- I'm okay.

- We just ran over your girlfriend.

Man, do not say that word.

What did you want to talk to me about?

- I just missed you.

- Don't go all faggy on me.

You should see the look on your face.

I'm totally kidding, man.

So you've never even come close

to falling in love.

No, no, never.

Well, maybe once.

Natalie. She was a bridesmaid

at Max's wedding.

She was amazing. l took her to

a bluff out in Malibu.

We talked all night.

We made love in the morning

at sunrise.

She feel asleep in my arms.

It was incredible.

That's quite a story.

What happened to her?

I don't know. She could've been

the love of my life.

Nice couch, Mikey. Is it leather?

Oh, no way. It's pleather.

Gross.

It'd be easier if you

had a front-door key for us.

I'll get right on that.

Night, fellas.

Hey, what's up, buddy?

Is Tricia here?

I'd like to ask her something.

Yeah, she's upstairs.

Watch that.

I'll take you up there.

- Turn it off!

- Shitballs!

- Turn it off! Turn it off!

- Goddamn it! Son of a b*tch!

She's upstairs with Consuela.

Damn hose.

Must have had a kink in it.

Any luck with the money?

Oh, no. I tried everything.

I don't know what to do.

Oh, boy.

Is your blood sugar low again?

I was wondering about

a friend of yours, Natalie.

A bridesmaid at your

sister's wedding.

Natalie? Steve, offer Michael a beer.

- You want a beer?

- Yeah.

What do you want with Natalie?

Nothing. I was thinking about her

and I thought maybe I'd look her up.

We don't have one clean glass.

We have a full-time maid

for chrissakes.

What is it that you do around here?

It's Saturday night, right?

I know exactly where she is.

You Looking for a date?

- You're not my type.

- Whatever. You wouldn't be anyway.

What's it gonna be?

I have a proposal for you and it's

gonna sound a little strange.

Does it involve sex?

I'd say there'd be a fair

amount of sex involved.

There will definitely be a house and

a ring involved. Maybe even children.

Children?

That'll depend on how far you and

this other guy will want to take it.

But, yeah. I'd say kids would be

involved. At least a dog.

Children, a dog and another guy.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes