Tommy Boy Page #3

to the family.

My beautiful wife, Beverly

and my new son, Paul.

I feel like i'm the luckiest

man in the world today.

Hit it!

And right now i'm gonna need you,

Tommy boy, to get this place going.

- Oh, for me dad?

- Yeah, you Tommy boy.

Dad, i really don't think...

Okay.

First rocker, take it,

Tommy boy!

That's right, Tommy boy!

Shake the rock to me!

That's right, dad!

Dad?

Somebody call 911!

There's not much more

we can say, really.

We've lost someone

we love, and it hurts.

Even though Tom is gone,

he'll remain in our lives for ever.

Comforting us, making us laugh...

and marching over us.

My dad gave me this boat.

We'd come out here late at night,

when there's no one else in the lake

and then he'd be over there,

on the shore, and he'd yell:

"Quit playing with your dingie!"

I'm gonna really miss him.

- Your father was a great guy.

- Yeah.

I'm really glad you

brought me out here.

Can't believe you wanted to.

Although it's pretty fun.

If we had some wind...

I can't believe there's no wind.

You need wind... cause it, uh-

- Helps push the sail.

- Yeah.

So, what are you gonna do now?

I don't know.

But, i gotta do something.

I don't know what.

- Man, do i sound like an idiot?

- No.

Sorry about this wind. I can't believe

there isn't any wind out here.

- This is ridiculous.

- No, it's great. It's very peaceful.

Hey tub-o! You ain't moving!

Yeah, need a little wind here!

No. You need to drop

a couple 100 pounds, blimp!

Rascals.

I guess that's your theory.

So, we'll see what

happens tomorrow.

Hey, your sail is limp,

like your dick!

Watch your language

in front of the lady, punk!

Geez!

You were saying?

Hey, Gilligan,

did you eat the Skipper?

You kids better pray to the god of skinny

punks that this wind doesn't pick up,

cause i'll come over there

and shove an oar up your ass!

Eapers creepers, those guys keep

interrupting us. I'm sorry about that.

You were saying about the uh...

Hey lady, look out!

There's a fat whale on your boat!

Yeah. Free Willy!

Listen up you little spazoids,

i know where you live and

i've seen where you sleep.

I swear to everything holy

that your mothers will cry when

they see what i've done to you!

I was just kidding.

I've no idea where they live.

That was awesome!

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're in real trouble.

Zalinsky Industries has an offer

on the table to buy us out.

But as you realize "Callahan"

has been family owned

since Tommy's great grandfather

laid the first brick

And i'll be damned if that's

gonna change on my watch.

Frank, if we sell while

our value's still high,

everyone who owns stock in this

company stands to make a lot of money.

That of course includes you,

Mrs. Callahan,

Now that you and Tommy

are the primary shareholders.

It seems vulgar to think about

money at a time like this.

I don't wanna hear

the word "sell" again.

But Ron, we do need that loan

to keep us afloat

until we figure things out.

I'm sorry, Frank, we can't do it.

Tom got in way over his head when he

built the new brake pad division.

The bank just can't take any

chance in putting up any more money.

Now, let's face it, when big Tom died,

"Callahan Auto" may have died with him.

If this factory goes under,

the whole town goes under.

And that's when the whores come in.

Excuse me, what was that?

Men laying their trick-money down.

Maybe instead i'll spend it

on the whore.

Frank, i really don't think

we have any choice.

Maybe i can help.

I give you everything i've got:

My house, the stock.

If i give you that stuff, it's collateral,

then would you give us that loan?

Yes, i suppose so.

Wait a second! What are you saying, Tommy?

You just wanna hand over your inheritance?

Right. If it'll help get

the brake pads going.

My dad said the new pads

were the future of "Callahan".

But who's going to sell them?

I will.

- I'll go on my dad's sale trip.

- I'll be damned!

Whores running around doing their

little behind shake for the men folk.

I kinda like her idea.

For Christ's sake, once during

the war i visited a prostitute,

and my life has been

a living hell eversince.

Hold on a minute! Do we really wanna put

the future of the company in Tommy's hands?

We're running low

on options here, Ted.

I can hold out Zalinsky

for a couple of weeks.

What have we got to lose?

How about the jobs of 300 people?

No offense, Tommy, but you don't know

the first thing about brake pads.

Hey, i know i'm not probably the

answer you guys are looking for,

but i feel i gotta do something.

You're right. I don't know much

about this stuff, but he does.

Oh, no!

That's right. Richard knows more

about brake pads than anyone in here.

And since you were my dad's

right-hand man,

i see you have the rest of

the year pretty much wide open.

Time out! Bad idea.

I don't think anyone could help

Baby Huey out there on the road.

You have a better suggestion?

I can actually hear

you're getting fatter.

What did i say about

eating in the car, anyways?

That it's not good cause

it spoils your dinner?

Hey, Tommy, this is not a vacation for me.

And i'm here against my will,

so the least you can do

is pretend to work.

Ok? Now let's review!

Okay, you're right. Review time.

Let's do it up! Feed me!

First, what are the three grades

of Callahan Brake pads?

Personal, commercial and... agricultural.

And what is our carrying charge for

all the merchandise in the warehouse?

- One and a...

- Half per cent!

I knew that!

Why can't i remember it?

Try an association, like, uh:

Let's say the average person

uses 10% of their brain.

How much do you use?

The rest is clogged with

malted hops and bong resin.

I gotta do this!

This's got to be the one!

I gotta do this.

It's gotta be me...

- Are you ready?

- Yeah. Sorry, i'm ready.

- Hey, does this suit make me look fat?

- No, your face does.

Okay, let's check you out!

All right.

- That's a clip-on.

- Are you sure?

Alright now, it's sales time,

remember we don't take no-

- No sh*t from anyone.

- No.

- We don't take no prisoners.

- We don't take no for an answer.

Oh yeah. We don't take

no for an answer...

- No.

- Okey dokey.

- No.

- Gotcha. Thanks.

Terrific! Thanks for your time.

Let me say... maybe.

Well then, i'd just like to add

that the spectrometer

read-out on the nickel-cadmium

alloy mix

indicates a good, rich

strobe n' fade, decreasing

incidence of wear

to the pressure plate.

- If you could just...

- Whoa, little fella, you're not speaking my language.

What my associate is trying to say,

is that our new brake

pads are really cool.

You're not even gonna believe it.

Like, let's say you're driving along

the road, with your family...

And you're driving along...

And then all of a sudden

there's a truck tire

in the middle of the road,

and you hit the brakes.

Woah, that was close.

Now let's see what happens when you're

driving with "the other guy's brake pads".

You're driving along,

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