Top Five Page #2

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You said it wasn't a good idea.

Now, when you tell me

you wanted to do that movie

about the Haitian revolution,

Andre, what'd I say to you?

You said it wasn't a good idea, okay?

No. No, no, no, no, you're wrong, Andre.

That's not what I said.

I said, "Nigga, is you crazy?"

I emailed it! I sent the email out

with a bunch of racial slurs

and bad English

to my own company account!

The reason why I did it, Andre,

was 'cause I wanted to be on file

to show people that I was against this!

I was against this project!

I jeopardized my job.

You know that? I almost ruined my job.

What are you talking about?

A nigga can't get fired

for saying "nigga" to a nigga.

You've never been more wrong.

A nigga can...

A nigga can get fired

for saying "nigga" to a nigga.

A nigga don't run this damn company.

Matter of fact,

if niggas at this company

found out that I was using

the word nigga in here,

my black ass would be on the street.

So you're wrong, nigga.

I guess you're right, nigga,

but I don't want to do this.

I hate James Nielson.

I hate the Times.

Everything I do, they trash.

Not the funny stuff.

Look, Andre,

they're gonna write the story anyway.

And I mean, it's hard enough

getting you a job as it is.

I mean, it's not like everybody's

knocking on your door for work.

It's really hard to get you work.

You know that, I know that.

Do you think the wedding is hurting me?

Are you kidding me? Listen, Andre,

the wedding is the best thing

that you got going right now.

And let's be honest.

Andre, if this thing flops,

we could be talking

Dancing With The Stars, man.

Dancing With the F***ing Stars?

Yes. Dancing With The Stars.

That's where you're at right now.

Andre, all these people want to do

is follow you around for one day.

Let them follow you around!

You know, if I get the word out,

this movie could still be a big hit.

It could be like a Haitian Django.

If you say so, Andre, then yes.

Hold on. Hold on.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

What is going on?

Where's everyone running to?

Zoolander's in the conference room!

Ben Stiller's in the conference...

These white people don't tell me sh*t!

Yo, Silk! Where's the car?

It's in range.

Hey, how'd it go with Charlie Rose?

Chelsea Brown.

From the Times.

Yes, from the Times.

How'd it go? I thought

you were supposed to be watching.

You a real journalist,

or like Miss Detroit?

Funny.

Look, they just told me

that you're gonna be doing this.

I'm sorry if I'm late.

Congratulations on the wedding.

And the movie.

You know, some friends and I saw you

a few years back at Purchase.

You were really great.

Thank you very much

for doing this interview.

Why, 'cause your boy James Nielson

said he wouldn't watch my next movie

if it was playing in his glasses?

James.

Hey, who would have thought Google

would have made that possible, right?

Look, you're about a half hour late.

If I were you, I would get started.

Okay. I just need to go home first.

They just told me

that we were doing this.

I don't have my recorder.

Recorder? What are you, Lois Lane?

- Just use your phone.

- No, you don't understand.

I can't do an interview without it.

It's kind of my thing. I'm sorry.

You take these?

Yes.

They're good.

I do photography on the side.

I do a little poetry on the side,

I do a little music on the side.

That's nice.

It's always good to make sure

you never get too good at any one thing.

Okay, I'm almost done.

I just need to change really quickly.

I'm gonna surprise my boyfriend

for his birthday.

A word of advice.

Never surprise anyone.

Why?

Hey, I call my mother before I go over,

'cause I don't want to

walk in there one day

and catch her hugging up

on some other kid!

Hi. Are you going to marry

Princess Erica on TV?

Can I see your phone?

Did you have a baby when you were 10?

Don't take his phone. Mom?

Okay, what are you doing with my phone?

Playing Angry Birds.

But I don't have Angry Birds.

You do now.

Grace? Go finish your work, mamita.

And give the man back his phone.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm Gladys, Chelsea's mother.

Are you ready for the big day?

The wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're so lucky you found someone.

I hear that being

a cougar is a big thing,

but I can't find anybody

that wants to be couged.

So, I read this stuff

to try to better understand men.

Listen to this.

"Men love it when you gently..."

What are you talking about?

- "...lick their..."

- Okay, no more Cosmo.

Wait a minute.

I thought you wrote this one.

Wait, wait, get out of here.

So you are a real journalist.

I'm sorry,

I didn't know it was a secret.

Shakira Simmons?

What's that? Your stripper name?

Shakara Simmons.

I don't use my real name

for the fluffy stuff.

Okay, I found my Flip,

and we can go now.

So what's up

with all this Cinderella stuff?

Those are my daughter's.

A little girl's reading

The Cinderella Effect.

- Okay, that one's mine.

- Okay.

Don't you think it's kinda odd that

a grown woman is still into Cinderella?

Don't you think that it's kinda odd that

a grown man is still into the Yankees?

Yes, but the Yankees are a real team.

- A-Rod is real?

- Okay, you got me on that one.

And for your information, my daughter

is working on a school project.

You know, where they have to

rewrite a classical story

and she's doing one

on the real Cinderella.

According to my child,

Cinderella was born a nanny

in the Bronx in 1995, okay?

Her mama was a nanny and her secret

father was the mean white landlord,

who had three daughters.

Cinderella had to do all the things

that a nanny has to do,

she had to cook and clean,

and do everything for her sisters.

And then one day, Prince came into town

and was doing a concert

that everyone wanted to attend.

But the landlord forbid her to go,

so she waited until her sisters left,

and then snuck into the concert

and was the prettiest girl there.

Prince didn't want to hang

with anyone else,

and then she noticed

that her sisters were leaving

and she knew she had to go.

But she also knew

that she wanted to see Prince again.

So, she did what girls do

when they want to see a guy again.

Hand job?

She left something.

Only two days

until the Wedding Spectacular.

The jury's still out

on which shoes Erica will wear.

So were you the class clown growing up?

Class clown?

Is that why we went back

to get this recorder,

so you can ask me

if I was the class clown?

Look, I am really sorry

to break it to you,

but not everybody knows

your origin story.

You know what?

Why don't you just skip

the hack questions

and go right to something good?

All right. Good questions, huh?

How come you're not funny anymore?

And what's up with this wedding?

I mean, it seems really out of control.

Who the f*** are you?

You don't know me. Are you my agent?

You had your kid so young

you guys share math class,

and you're judging me?

You're asking me if my relationship

- with my fiancee is real.

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