Top Five Page #3

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- Yes.

Wait, hold on a second.

It's my career move.

Go on.

Hey, honey.

- Hey, baby.

- What's going on?

Yeah, no. I'm here at the place.

And it looks sick.

It's like epic, babe, it's epic.

It's a story.

Yeah, we're doing the blocking

and I'm looking at head shots

of flower girls.

She's got buck teeth.

Is my stand-in as nervous as I am?

Stop it.

Everything looks just great, okay?

I just wish you were here to see it.

How's your press going?

It's going okay

when they ask about the movie.

Baby, don't worry

about what they're saying.

Your movie is way over their heads.

Did you pick up your tux?

No, not yet. I'm running a little late.

I look bad, you look bad.

Champagne, Mr. Allen?

Yeah, sure.

Are you gonna drink that,

Mr. Ankle Bracelet?

I always say yes.

'Cause whenever you say no,

people want an explanation.

Yeah, I'm the same way with meth.

I just take it.

Is it true that Erica

helped you get clean?

Do you even know what my movie's about?

It's about Dutty Boukman,

a self-educated slave

who, once in Haiti,

became one of the leaders

of the revolution

where Haitian slaves

killed over 50,000 whites.

Yay, dead white people.

Dutty did not shut up and play nice.

You know, normally, after someone says

they saw your movie,

they give you some sort of opinion,

you know...

They go, "I saw your movie

and I thought it was good."

And you know, sometimes

they don't like your movie and they go,

"I saw your movie

and I thought it was interesting."

Yeah, it was interesting how

you ended the movie before you showed

how the French had cut his head off

and paraded it around the country.

But I'd like to ask you

this question first.

How do you think being sober

has affected your career?

It hasn't.

I think it has. I know it has.

I mean, really.

What do you know about sobriety?

What do I know about sobriety?

What don't I know?

"God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change...

"...the courage

to change the things I can

"and the wisdom to not smoke crack."

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Is that more research,

or are you in recovery?

Four years.

Four years? I'm four years.

I drank everything, it didn't matter.

It got really bad

when I started guzzling hand sanitizer.

Hand sanitizer?

- Did you ever drink Sterno?

- What the f*** is Sterno?

Yeah, Sterno, you know those little cans

they put at the buffet to keep food warm.

That's some Amy Winehouse sh*t.

Can we get back to this idea that

your sobriety hasn't affected your work?

Did Erica actually get you clean,

as rumor has it?

No, I got myself clean.

You need to stop listening to rumors.

Hammy!

What got you clean, Miss Sterno?

I don't know. My mother. My kid.

Maybe I just got tired of waking up

with strange d*cks in my face.

Too much info. What...

Okay, your turn

Mr. "I Got Myself Clean."

- Rigorous honesty?

- Yes.

You guys rip me apart

every chance you get.

Why should I talk to you?

I've got nothing to do with that.

Yeah, but that's your people.

Look, if you're gonna

just cut my head off

and parade it around the square,

I don't need to help you with that.

I'm not here to hurt you.

I just want a decent story.

You give me a couple

of really great honest things,

stuff you haven't told everybody else,

some real inside stuff,

rigorous honesty stuff,

and I promise you...

I will be more than fair.

- On the record.

- On the record.

Deal.

Nice to meet you, Andre Allen.

I look forward to interviewing you,

Andre Allen.

Okay, let's try this again.

First truthful question.

What was your bottom?

First truthful answer. Houston.

So I get off the plane in Houston.

Now, I'm expecting the comedy club

to send some kid to pick me up.

But I get to the gate

and to my surprise, I'm met by...

Hey, wassup? You came to pick me up?

Yeah, man. Hey, sorry I didn't have

one of them little signs, man.

I'm Jazzy Dee, CEO

at the Code J Enterprises, man.

- Welcome to Houston.

- Thanks a lot.

We promoting your show, man.

You know what I'm saying?

- How was your flight? Good?

- Yeah, it was pretty good.

That's great. Great, man.

You know, tickets are a little slow

'cause of the hair show in town,

but don't worry,

we're gonna have a big walk-up, dawg.

Okay. Okay. So about...

How far is the hotel? I'm starving.

About 45 minute.

Bruce Bruce is already there.

Like I say, this my town.

Anything you need,

you let a brother know.

I'm the motherfuckin' man

in Houston, dawg.

Anything you need, coke, weed, drank.

You know, syrup.

You want some of that syrup?

- No, no, I'm good.

- That's good.

'Cause I'm the motherfuckin' man

in Houston, man.

I'm gonna tell you that right now.

I'm the motherfuckin' man

in Houston, baby!

Hey, you see how I do it, right?

No check-in or nothing.

I just walk through the door,

through the lobby, man.

They just giving me the key.

You know what I'm saying?

I told you, I'm the motherfuckin' man

in Houston, dawg.

I got you a suite.

Everything.

All the amenities, everything good.

Jacuzzi tub, a little living room.

Bed got a duvet on it.

You can lay down all over that, man.

So you straight?

I'm straight. I'm straight.

Yo, check this out.

So, I gotta get dressed, right?

But a little later, why don't you come by,

scoop me up,

then we hit some clubs,

and you know, promote the show?

I like that. I like that.

You're about your paper, boy.

I'm about it, baby.

I'm about it 'bout it.

I'm gonna see you about 11:00.

- By 11:
00. By 11:00.

- Okay. All right, cool.

Hey...

Dre, you mind if I get

some of them hangers, man?

I need some wooden hang... Damn it.

They got the...

They got the lock on 'em!

They got the lock on 'em!

They hip to your boy.

Who the man in Houston?

- Jay Dizzle!

- Motherfuckin' man!

This is Andre Allen.

Come on out tomorrow night,

to see me and my man, Bruce Bruce,

at the Laugh Shack!

Laugh Shack.

This is how I do it every day.

It's how I live.

Strictly V.I.P. for me and my nigs.

You know, I told you,

I'm the motherfuckin' man

in Houston, dawg!

You don't even know

what it's like out there, man.

Nigga be on the other side

of the ropes talkin' about,

"Hey, Jazz, how can I get in V.I.P.?"

I'm like, "Nigga, get a better life!"

You crazy, Jazzy.

But, look, we got to make a run.

- Bye, Andre. Bye-bye, Bruce.

- Bye.

See you all later.

Hey, beep me, Jazz. Don't forget.

Don't run too far.

- Yeah.

- Beep you, all right.

- Bye.

- Yeah.

Take care, ladies.

Could we get another bottle over here?

Thank you!

Yes.

Yeah.

Hey, man, like I said, dawg,

them two girls right there?

They gonna come by the hotel later.

Get out of here!

I'm the motherfuckin' man, dawg!

Oh, man!

Yo, yo, Jazz, Jazz, Jazz!

My wife's family's from Houston, man!

One of those b*tches might know

her cousins or something, playa!

No doubt, no doubt, Bruce,

I respect that.

I'll give you a full, official time-out

on that, nigga.

- But you!

- Yo.

You, my nigga!

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