Top Gear: The Perfect Road Trip 2 Page #8

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- Yes.

- Ahh! Seat's hot. It's really hot.

- Is it?

Really hot,

but I'll tell you what, though.

- What?

- This is a city centre, isn't it?

- Yes.

- Well, in that case,

you know the rules, roof up.

Oh, yeah, don't want people

to see those trousers.

See? American engineering.

- Couple of AKs down here, an M16.

- Shut up.

And a "Vote Republican" flyer.

Right, ladies and gentlemen,

we're now going to see

if Richard Hammond

can do a lap of a racetrack

without crashing.

And, here he goes.

Unleash that power!

(ENGINE REVVING)

So there's a bit of a right-hander here,

I'll get over to the left, ready.

I think about that much steering,

kissing the apex.

Oh, it's a double apex corner, this.

This is nice, it's, it's...

It's like being James May.

It's restful.

I don't know why we mock him for it.

CLARKSON:
Making sure that I'd

given Hammond plenty of room,

I set off, in the Alfa.

(GUFFAWING)

Because the 4C is going to be square,

it's as wide as it is long,

the grip is just incredible.

And because there's no weight

dragging you out of shape,

you can go around corners at speeds

that just boggle the mind.

HAMMOND:
And now,

the chicane.

CLARKSON:
The feel from this car is...

It's sublime.

I'm totally and utterly

in love with this car.

Oh, hello, there's Richard Hammond.

Yes!

Eat my Alfa!

I'm gonna ignore that.

I'm not gonna get drawn into anything.

I am driving within my limits.

One of the, uh,

motoring magazines,

which shall remain nameless,

say that it

begins with "Au" and ends in "tocar",

they say that you can't slide a 4C.

Uh, so what was that?

Oh, God, there is the line.

I'm gonna do it.

There he is, Richard Hammond

has nearly completed his lap,

let's slow down and savour the moment.

Oh, yes, watch this.

And I crossed the line!

(LAUGHING)

Well done, mate, that is...

I'm impressed, actually

'cause that is a lot of horsepower

in that thing and you've done it.

Hammond, now bored of driving

like Captain Slow,

decided he was ready

to finally unleash his V8.

(ECHOING) And launch, launch,

launch, launch...

No substitute for cute.

(IMITATES JUGGERNAUT HORN)

He's got what?

256 brake horsepower per ton.

I've got 302 and that is better.

Fact.

He has a top speed of 160,

I have a top speed of 190.

Out of my way, insect,

in your tiny little car.

CLARKSON:
Come on!

No!

This heralded the start of a

David and Goliath battle,

not seen since Minis used to

take on Ford Falcons

in the British

Touring Car Championships.

Hammond, in his Corvette,

he's destroying the rain forest,

he's killing polar bears

and

he's wearing white three-quarter length

trousers and these,

these are bad crimes.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

This is a bloody good car.

Yes, it's enormous.

But, my God, it can look after itself.

CLARKSON:
It's amazing.

The first part of this track

is very much Corvette territory,

but the second part, where I am now,

this is Alfa town!

He's never gonna go up the inside.

No way.

Come on, little Alfa!

- And look who's coming through.

- Whoa!

(LAUGHING)

- Damn it!

- Have that!

Now I'm back on the straight again.

Oh, it's got some grunt.

(HAMMOND LAUGHING)

Massive speed through the straights.

The Big Mac is faster on the straights

than the bruschetta.

After many, many laps,

Hammond sensibly decided

we should go into the pits.

We carry on like this,

we're going to crash.

Well, you are.

What? Anyway,

- I have genuinely had an idea.

- What?

I would love to find out which of

these two is the fastest.

And the best way to do that

is to use science,

and the best way to do that

is to use The Stig.

We put The Stig in each of the two cars,

one hot lap in each car,

then we will have a definitive answer.

Which of these two very different cars

is the fastest around this track.

So, you're asking me to give these keys

to the nicest little car

I've ever driven

- to The Stig?

- You really have fallen for that.

Yes, I have.

- You're gonna have to hand it over.

- No, but I'm actually,

joking apart, I am quite

interested in that.

'Cause I would like to know...

I know in the first half of the track

the Corvette's gonna be quick,

the second half, the Alfa's quick.

'Cause the second half is Alfaland.

No, I agree. Let's find him

and make him do that.

CLARKSON:
Somehow,

between us leaving the pits

and getting to race control,

Stig had lined up the Corvette

on the start line.

(ENGINE ROARING)

- I like this.

- I do.

Can we get all this at our track?

Can we see into people's bedrooms

with this one?

- Yes, Jeremy.

- Can we?

No. Actually...

- There he is.

- Yeah! Oh, oh, ah...

God, he's going very fast.

I'm genuinely fascinated

- at which is gonna be quickest.

- I am.

It's just weird though, 'cause it is,

it's where we're at, it is the future

and the past have come together here

for a battle.

I'm not sure if you're not bigging

it up a bit too much.

It is, though. The Corvette is

the sort of last of the past.

- Yeah.

- And the Alfa is...

All cars are gonna have to be

built like the Alfa.

Right, so he's finished. He's gone

across the line in the Corvette.

Which meant it was the Alfa's turn.

Come on, Hammond,

it looks better than yours.

- Hmm, no.

- I admit

it's very good looking.

Your fat men from Kentucky

have done a very good job with your car.

But they are ultimately

fat men from Kentucky.

This was designed by engineers

from Milan.

The only thing is, that's a very

nice little object

but it could equally be

a very nice peppermint.

Well, that's it, it crossed the line.

- Is he across the line? He's done...

- Yeah, yeah.

Yes, he's done. There we are.

So now we wait for times.

Alfa time.

Corvette time.

(CLARKSON LAUGHING)

Two...

- Two...

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, you see. Now you see...

- Is it?

Yeah, it is.

So, all that extra power...

Oh, yeah...

And we are both at two minutes.

- We must be within nine seconds.

- Mine is...

- (LAUGHING)

- My number is less than five.

- So is mine.

- (GROANS)

Two minutes,

three...

- 1 .6, yes!

- Oh...

- But that's all there is.

- 3.4.

- And that is...

- 2:
03.4.

2:
01 .6.

- It's 1 .8 seconds faster.

- That's not bad, is it?

That is amazing.

Anyway, we must now

drive these cars into

the suburb of Rome

with the old stuff in it.

That's the stuff

I've seen on the telly.

Yes, you know, the stuff that,

- the tourists, the tourists...

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- So we drive them in there

and stay the night.

- Have I got to still wear them?

- Yes.

HAMMOND:
That night,

I was feeling very happy

that I put the orang-utan in his place.

But as I arrived in the suburb of Rome

with the old buildings and stuff,

I would have changed places with him

in a heartbeat.

Every single car in Rome

is a small, grey, dented hatchback.

It's just what they are.

They're not red American droptops.

You must admit,

you've got the wrong car here.

HAMMOND:
I cannot

possibly argue otherwise.

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