Topkapi Page #3

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Do you know what he used to say?

He used to say, "Arthur,

Arthur, you're a carbuncle

on the behind of humanity."

Carbuncle.

I'm a nothing!

I'm a nobody!

Me, with a gun?

Me, up on the roof?

I don't like heights, sir.

I get very dizzy. Honestly.

I don't know what you're up to, sir,

but I can see it from your face.

You don't think that I'm a terrorist?

All right.

I will give you a chance to prove it.

You will work for us.

I can't do that, sir.

- If they were to find out, they'd kill me.

- You will not let them find out.

Mefkufsunuz.

The arms are back in the car,

just as they were.

The chances are they won't be touched

until the evening before Army Day,

but you will check them constantly.

If they have been touched,

you will report at once.

- What's the matter?

- I feel dizzy. Uh...

This is for your messages.

Cigarettes.

Be always sure to have an empty pack.

Put your messages there,

and drop them from the car.

That car will follow you everywhere.

They will pick them up

wherever you go.

Most important,

report everything you overhear.

Everything,

no matter how trivial it may seem to you.

One word could tell us

whom they work for.

- Yes, sir.

- Remember our briefing for the Hilton?

Hilton? Oh, yes.

If you betray us,

we will know. Understand?

- Yes.

- OK.

Courage, Simpson. You are now

an agent of Turkish Security.

- Off you go.

- Oh, well, you can rely on me, sir.

Stop!

I've come. I've got the documents

for Mr Plimpton's car here.

- Any mail for Mr Barlow?

- No.

- Thank you.

- Mr Plimpton? Is he staying here?

I was supposed to deliver them here

for Mr Barlow... Plimpton.

- I will give it to him when he comes.

- Thank you.

I've been waiting for

my telegram for three weeks.

It must be here somewhere!

It isn't possible. When my aunt

says she sends a telegram,

she sends a telegram.

Was that the driver

of Mr Plimpton's car?

- Yes. Do you want me to stop him?

- No, I'll catch him up.

I have been coming for three weeks.

Mr Plimpton, I'm the lad

who drove your car from Kavala.

She's a beautiful machine.

She really will motor.

- Thank you.

- Uh, um...

I suppose you want

some remuneration.

- Oh, the gasoline, sir.

- You mean the petrol.

Oh, I thought you

might be an American.

No.

Well, that will be $46, sir,

calculating the drachma at 29.7 and...

There. Have a pleasant

journey back to Greece.

Oh, Greece, yes.

The home of Homer, of...

- Oh, thank you very much, Mr...

- Goodbye.

I'm sorry, I don't speak

a word of Turkish.

- You'll have to ask somebody else.

- Please to show your car papers.

My car papers?

Why didn't you say so?

- You are Mrs Plimpton?

- Of course I'm not Mrs Plimpton.

- Effendi.

- That's all right. I'm not offended.

- Is not you who bring car into country?

- No. There's a driver.

Oh. Turkish law says only gentleman

who bring car or Mrs Plimpton may drive.

- I didn't know that. Now the driver's gone.

- You may not drive this car.

What do you expect me to do?

- You are not Mrs Plimpton.

- I know that. There is the driver. Driver!

- Driver!

- Called me, sir?

Come here a moment, will you?

Why don't you get rid of that

drunken cook? Makes me crazy.

He goes with the villa.

Learn to live with him.

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

In my country, cooks cook,

no shervish table.

Shervish people shervish table.

Blurry foreigns.

Put the tray down and get out.

Get out or I'll break your neck!

OK.

- Ah, pig.

Easy, Hans.

I've told you, one servant is

already one servant too many.

For poor Hans, too.

Come on, maybe you'll beat me.

- There's always a first time.

- I played backgammon...

- Not backgammon, tavli.

- What's the difference?

The difference between

you and the Turks.

It's their game. Backgammon.

He doesn't need speech.

He talks with his whole body.

His body talks too much.

Play.

Cedric is here with the car.

Somebody's with him.

Who is it, Giulio?

- He's brought Simpson. Why?

- Damn! What can we do with him here?

You wouldn't take the car in,

would you? Sit down.

Ah, Cedric, you have picked up

Plimpton's car, good man.

Forgive us, we began tea without you.

You've brought Simpson with you.

How nice to see you, Mr Simpson.

An unexpected pleasure.

- Nothing wrong, I hope?

- No, no, but...

I say, I'm afraid

we've run foul of the Turkish law.

They threatened to take the car away.

Only Plimpton or Simpson's allowed

to drive it, or take it out of the country.

How silly of Plimpton

not to have known.

- No other misadventures, Simpson?

- Apart from the customs.

Poor Mr Simpson.

Did they search the car?

Took the seats out, underneath...

Did they find

my heroin and marijuana?

No. You hid those too well.

We'll take advantage

of your being here.

Take us sightseeing

until Mr Plimpton arrives.

Hans, take Simpson to the kitchen

and see that he gets fed and has a room.

Come on.

- Bon apptit, Mr Simpson.

- Don't overdo it.

He scared me to death.

- You are foreign not?

- Oh, no. I'm English.

Oh, you OK.

Yeah, you good man,

like the King Victoria.

I say, those people out there,

they're tourists?

Huh? Ha!

- Aren't they?

- Take.

Everybody, all misters...

Russische spies.

Russians? No. They're a different

class of people. That lady's very...

Everybody Russische spies.

Fischer...

Fischer is Germanische

spy for Russische. I kill him.

Yes, I kill him.

I'll get a medal, big like this.

Music, boom-broom. General...

I kill him, my friend. Hmm?

- Are you here officially?

- Huh?

Are you here officially?

You mean... Oh, I understood.

Fishely? No. No fishely.

Give you good meat.

I give Russische spies fishely.

Fresh fishely...

English friend, no fishely.

Good meat, shish kebab.

Understood?

Good meat, shish kebab.

Understood.

Well, I thought I understood.

Stop pacing.

This is not a cage,

and you are not a lion.

OK, I am wrong. You are a lion -

the king of the jungle. My king.

Well, don't just stand there. Roar.

- Or give me a kiss.

- Later.

That's what I like about you Swiss.

You're so sexy.

I don't like Simpson being here.

Arthur Simpson is keeping

you away from my side?

- He's harmless. He's a schmo.

- No, no, no, no.

It's not that. It's a departure

from the plan. This I hate.

Not true. You do everything with style.

It's a departure from your style,

this you hate. For this I love you.

Mm. Style, my eye.

As long as I get the emerald for you,

you don't care how I get it.

Walter, I don't hide the way

I feel about the emerald.

I don't hide the way I feel about you.

The emerald excites me

physically, like a man.

Like you. You excite me.

The emerald and you

are fused in my mind.

Each of you excites me more

because of the other.

Mm.

I thought the evening was lost.

I was beginning to wonder

whom I could turn to next.

How about Giulio? Isn't he fused

in your mind with your emerald, too?

Mm.

But there is a dilemma -

so is Hans, so is Cedric Page.

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