Topper Page #3

Not this time.

The foot's down.

If you ask me, I'd say

it was down too far.

I nearly skinned my eyebrows

on the trees that time.

My pet, if you were driving the

car, there wouldn't be any trees.

You'd have plowed 'em up. You remember

what happened to the last car we had?

Sure. You drove it into a meat

market. No, the one before that.

Well, I can't remember that

far back. George, look out.

What? There's something in

my eye. Something in your eye?

Be careful! Look out!

You'll never make it, George!

Oh, boy.

I guess I'll never hear

the last of this.

Oh, look at my car.

Look at my hat.

And I got a run

in my stockings.

Look at that.

I told you to slow up.

Would you? Oh, no.

Can I help it if a tire blows out?

Besides, I had something in my eye.

Couldn't have been

your driving, could it?

I've come around that curb much

faster lots of times. So have you.

It was such

a lovely car too.

Oh, George!

Hmm?

You're getting transparent.

You're fading.

Say, that's funny.

I can see through you too.

Say, who's that?

That's us.

You know something, George?

I think we're dead.

I think you're right.

It's funny,

I don't feel any different.

No, neither do I.

Now I wonder

what happens.

I don't know.

I suppose pretty soon we'll hear

trumpets, and then off we go.

I hope we go together, honey.

So do I.

No trumpets.

No, no trumpets.

Marion,

what do you suppose is the

conventional thing to do now?

I don't know.

We've never

been conventional.

I think we tell someone

our good deeds,

and then they open up the

beautiful gates and let us through.

Yes, but what good deeds

have you done?

Oh, dozens.

Name one.

Well, I've, uh-

Mm-hmm.

I've, uh-

Hey, what good deeds

have you done?

Well, I-

At least we haven't

done any bad ones, honey.

Yes, but that's

not enough, and-

and I'm afraid

it's too late now.

Yes.

And I'm afraid that

for once in our, uh-

Well, for once,

we're stuck.

George, maybe not.

Hmm?

Maybe if we could do

a good deed now, and-

Oh, George!

You're fading.

Didn't you think the lamb was especially

good? Yes, of course it was good.

Why must we always have lamb on

Sundays? You like lamb, don't you?

Yes, I like it, but couldn't we have it

on some other day? Say Tuesday or Thursday.

We have beef on Tuesday and

boiled vegetables on Thursday.

Oh, sparrows!

Why do you use

that silly word?

Because you won't let me

swear like a gentleman.

Cosmo, what has come

over you lately?

You've been acting

so strange and moody.

- Not at all like your usual self.

- I don't know.

Ever since the Kerby tragedy,

I've been thinking.

Clara, life is so very short, and

we get so very little out of it.

Don't you realize,

we're middle age?

But why should

we be middle age?

After all, we're not so very

much older than the Kerbys were.

And look how carefree they were,

how full of life.

I can hardly realize

they've gone.

Poor George.

Poor Marion.

Poor Marion?

Mmm.

Of course, I never saw her,

but from what I've heard of her,

she never thought of

anything in her whole life...

except how to paint her pretty

face and wag her figure about.

Oh, yes, she did.

She used to think about me.

Oh, don't be foolish.

I shudder to think what kind of a ninny

you'd make if you didn't have me to stop you.

There's a man outside, sir.

He wishes to see you about a

- a contraption he's brought with him.

Oh, yes.

Well, here she is,

Mr. Topper.

Just as good as the day

she was bought.

I've got a list of the things

I've done to her.

Mm-hmm.

Now, you see here,

I put in a brand-new

front axle.

No use trying

to repair them things.

Well, she's something,

isn't it?

How much you think

we could sell it for?

Well, it's pretty hard

to tell, Mr. Topper.

It ain't like trying

to sell just any car.

You gotta find the right party. You mean,

someone who hasn't heard of the wreck.

Yeah, that too.

Some people are superstitious.

I mean, somebody who will fit it,

kind of. What do you mean, "fit it"?

Well, like, uh - Well, take yourself. You

could never own a car like this.

No, I suppose not.

Why couldn't I?

Well, uh,

for one thing, the missus, she don't

care for anything flashy, does she?

Mrs. Topper runs the household,

and very efficiently too.

But when it comes

to buying cars-

Of course I never wanted

to buy a car like this, but...

if I did want to buy

a car like this, I'd, uh-

I'd buy a car like this.

How do I look? Oh, you

look swell, Mr. Topper.

You bet I do.

I fit it too.

Fit it just like

a kid glove, you know.

Oh, for heaven's sake,

Cosmo!

What are you doing in that horrible contrap

- that horrible thing?

Sitting in it, dear.

Just sitting.

Just sitting?

You look like a whatnot.

As a matter of fact,

I- I'm thinking of buying it.

Buying it?

Buying that-that circus wagon?

Well, of all the absurd-

Cosmo, you must be dithering.

I thought it'd be fun to drive my own car

- weekends, anyways.

Of course, I suppose you're old

enough to know your own mind, but-

Clara, we used to play together

once, and we could again.

We could - We could drive up to

Lake Placid, just you and I.

Stop at a roadhouse,

and dinner and dance-

You're asking me to drive in a car

that looks like a painted Jezebel?

And drive in it

to a roadhouse?

Why, it would be like going

to the opera in my nightgown.

Painted Jezebel, eh?

So I'm a ditherer.

Well, I'm jolly well

gonna dither then.

Would you mind

getting off my wife's lap?

Who said that?

Olley, olley, oxen free.

Stop it. My nerves

are jumpy enough already.

Where are you?

Hey, get off my foot.

Who are you?

Where are you?

I'm in no mood

for this sort of thing.

Come out in the open

where I can see you.

dd Toppy doesn't know us

Toppy doesn't know us dddd

Mrs. Kerby,

may I present Mr. Topper.

How do you do, Mr. Topper?

How-How-How do you do?

And this is Mr. Kerby,

Mr. Topper.

Uh, how-how do you-

George and

Marion Kerby? Why-

It can't be.

It- It mustn't be.

It is.

Oh, dear, dear. Topper's

fainted. Get some water, Marion.

Water.

Come on, Topper.

Oh, that's fine.

You're a great help.

My hat!

Oh, no, no, it can't be.

It- No, no, no-

I'm gonna get in my car

and drive home.

No, Topper.

Sit down, Topper.

You can't get in your car and drive

home because you've got a flat tire.

Besides, it isn't your car.

It's ours.

I'll walk. You can have the car. Mrs. Topper

doesn't like the horrible thing anyway.

George, did you hear that? Mrs.

Topper doesn't like the car.

Our good deed. Let's get to

work on him. What do you mean?

Never mind. Why doesn't Mrs. Topper like

the car? She just plain doesn't like it.

She often just plain doesn't like

things. What kind of talk is that?

She just plain doesn't

like things.

I refuse to say another word. I'm

probably talking to myself anyway.

Well, like that. We find you

fainting all over the place.

We nurse you back to health, and still

you're complaining. I want to go home!

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