Topper Page #4

No, Topper, you can't go home.

Besides, George has to change the tire.

And he's very good at

it too. Go ahead, honey.

All right,

I'll change the tire.

But I'll be darned if I'm gonna

waste any ectoplasm doing it.

You see, Toppy, we only have a certain

amount of ectoplasm to use to get visible.

Naturally, we can't waste

it, can we? Of course not, no.

No, I- I wish someone

would wake me up.

Now, now, Toppy,

I won't bite you.

Let's sit over there

by the tree and be comfortable.

We might as well be comfortable while

George works, don't you think so? Come on.

Come on.

You sit there

and I'll relax here.

You know, Toppy, you're

a funny little fellow.

You intrigue me. Why did

you happen to buy our car?

- I bought it because I was mad.

Who at?

- Never mind.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

- Toppy had a fight with Mrs. Toppy.

- I did not!

Come on. Tell the girlfriend

all about it.

- What girlfriend?

- Yours. Me.

Say, you don't mind if I save my energy

and just become nothing for a while, do you?

I don't suppose I do. I don't

know what you're talking about.

Dematerializing. Watch.

It works like a zipper.

Zip!

Marion!

Marion, where are you?

Right here.

What? Oh.

Well, make a noise every

now and then, will you,

so that I'll know

where I'm talking to?

Okay, I'll do this.

Yes, fine.

Now, go on. Tell me

about buying the car.

Oh, well, I- I just

decided I'd buy it, you know.

I had an awful time with it at

first, because I was going along...

and then a great big truck came

along and chased me off the road.

And then I was just getting over

that when a huge bus came along...

and-and chased me off

the side of the hill like-

Hey, watch out!

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Well, then-

then I was going along...

peacefully, you know,

and suddenly-

bam- I was slapped by a-

Just explaining something

to a friend of mine.

Is it my fault

that there's no one here?

Quiet.

dd The iron-bound bucket dd

dd The moss-covered bucket dd

dd That hangs in the well dd

dddd

Hey, Marion!

Come out, come out, wherever

you are. I've got an idea.

When George has an idea, it

is, generally speaking, an idea.

Bring Topper along. We'll go

places. I don't want to go places.

I've been to places, lots

of places. Really, I have.

Oh, but not with us. It's different

when you go places with us.

Bring him along, Marion! We gotta

have him. He's our good deed.

Come on, Toppy.

You drive, George. I'll sit in the

middle. Come on, Topper. Get in.

Don't you think I better drive? It'd look

so crazy to other people if you drive.

Now, come on.

Don't be a mess. Get in.

Close your door, Topper.

Look out!

What's the matter with you?

There was no one driving that car.

Oh, you're crazy. I'm not

crazy. I know what I saw.

The car was driving itself.

If you ask me, so was this one.

All right, I'll prove it for

you. Well, you'll have to!

I wish you'd stop this nonsense

and let yourselves be seen,

or- or let me drive.

Okay.

Slide over.

Now what have you

got to say?

I know when I'm licked.

Where am I taking you?

You're not taking us.

We're taking you.

Marion, it's bad enough just being in

the car with you two the way you are.

Well, the way you aren't.

Where are we going?

Unless you rented it to someone,

we're going to our penthouse.

Heavens! No,

I haven't rented it.

And we can have a drink. George

hasn't had a drink in days.

He looks much better than

he used to, don't you think?

How in heaven's name should

I know? Hey, stop pushing.

Don't push me!

I didn't push you. And if

I did push you, what of it?

Oh, a wise guy, huh?

Like those crazy Kerbys.

Crazy Kerbys, huh?

Wise guy, eh?

I wish you'd do something

about yourselves.

You have no idea how annoying it is to be out

with someone and you don't know where they are.

Okay, my friend,

anything to oblige.

Here we are, Topper. The Kerby Kennel.

Barking, howling and biting permissible.

Come in.

Where's Marion? Gone to her room,

I guess. You know how women are.

When they get home, they like to change

clothes, mess around, blither, blither.

You drink? I did once,

but it wasn't much fun.

Nobody noticed it. It made me dizzy

and I had to keep one eye shut.

Oh, well,

you had the floats.

I like 'em. Make you

feel nice and goofy.

Maybe I do need a drink. Maybe I've needed

a drink all these years and haven't known it.

There we are. Hold it.

Topper, my pet.

Thank you.

Mmm!

My wife objects to drinking.

Then she shouldn't drink.

She doesn't.

- Then what's her objections?

- If my wife were to walk in here right now,

I'd have to speak to her very sharply

in order to keep her from making a row.

Speak to her? Yes, I've

- I've never beaten her.

Not yet, I haven't.

Oh.

Open the other bottle.

Crazy Kerbys, eh?

Plush pup!

Thanks, George.

Mm-hmm.

Do- Do you feel

like dancing?

Do I feel like what?

Oh.

You know what I mean. Dancing and singing and

- Say that again.

Well, George,

dancing, singing.

dd Tra-la-la, tra-la-la With a

hey, nonny-nonny and a whoo- dddd

Relax, Topper, relax. Take

a drink. Stop fidgeting.

Oh.

Do you mind if I just sat here

and sort of sneak a little dance...

with my feet?

Cut it out.

Cut it out, will ya?

What if I just sat quietly here

and-and felt like dancing?

That'd be all right,

wouldn't it?

Look, what is this

dancing complex?

Look here,

would you mind if

I just got up and danced...

a roundabout...

on my tiptoes?

All right-

All right, if you must.

Go ahead, but take it easy.

dddd

Toppy, I think you got something

there. Hit it. Truck on down, Toppy.

Now that's how I dance.

How do you like it?

Yes, I thought

that was pretty bad.

I'm glad you like

my dancing, George.

I think I could learn how

to live after all, you know.

I can drink, all right.

And I can dance fine.

Now, about singing, hmm.

Let's sing a little, huh?

Yes, that's a good idea.

Let's sing.

Uh-huh.

Oh, there she is, George.

Where?

Topper, you look

like an owl.

Come here, George.

Huh?

I'm afraid I must ask you to request

your wife not to talk about me anymore.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Use your influence.

If you haven't any,

beat her.

Come on down, Marion.

All right.

Alley!

Oop.

dd Ta-rah dddd

Topper, you did that

on purpose. Nice going.

I'm dreadfully sorry.

I forgive you, Topper.

Nice forgiving too.

Can we dance now? Why, certainly.

That's what I got off my perch for.

dd Oh, the moss-covered- dd

d

dd Hangs in the well ddd

It's a fine thing,

trying to steal my wife, eh?

Why, I wouldn't think of such a thing, I

- I don't think.

Ah, Topper,

I'm disappointed in you.

Say, if I'm in the way, you

folks can leave. Oh, not at all.

Mighty nice of you to let me

stay around. What's biting you?

You're not getting

jealous, are you?

N- No. No, just

getting careful.

Say, listen.

What?

All I'm trying to do is to

complete our little experiment.

Yes, well, I don't know if I

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