Tormented Page #3

Huh? I f***ing hate you.

I'm worth 100 Bradleys! That's right.

The Nas isn't scared of you.

Ugh!

We're very concerned

that bullying may be a contributory factor

in the incident with the Mullet boy.

That is why I am personally

overseeing the implementation

of a new anti-bullying initiative.

And as the cornerstone

of our new strategy, we are using these.

Visualisations of mission statements

arising from the ethos strand

of the school development programme.

Hey kid, go tell Swanny that

the Head wants to see Jason Banks.

Tell her yourself.

Oi, you cheeky little prick,

do as you're told.

- Kids these days! No f***ing respect.

- I blame the schools.

Hmm.

Listen everybody, there is a screw

missing from the guillotine guard,

so it is very, very dangerous.

- Miss.

- Yes?

- The Head wants to see Jason Banks.

- Right.

Well, well, well. If it isn't Jizzum Wanks.

Oh, God's f***ing bollocks.

Oh.

Oh. Huh?

Bradley.

Huh!

Hey, Bradley?

Hey, Bradley, that's not funny.

Bradley!

No, no.

Someone, help. Someone, help!

Someone help me!

Help me! Help me! Help me!

Someone!

No, no.

Help me!

We think that it is vital

that young people should have

an outlet for their creative energies.

Well, he certainly

seems to be enjoying his music.

Obviously, it's something

with a good beat.

Where is he?

Must have gone outside.

Tag. You're it.

F*** me, I'm out of breath.

Now, what I was trying to say was

how sorry I am

that Mullet decided to top himself.

Bit selfish of him, really,

leaving Mr Jizzy No-Mates here.

Not even one fat spaz to call a friend.

You bastard.

Ah, you're a plucky little f***er,

aren't you?

Ah! Now.

Mullet is dead.

Which means

he can't be sending me texts.

I don't think you get a signal up there.

I can't even get a signal in the bogs.

Exactly.

Now, pretending to be Shrek

risen from the dead ain't a bad gag.

Give me his phone

and, er... we'll call it quits.

- I haven't got his phone.

- Jason, Jason, Jason.

You're only hurting yourself, mate.

It's from Mullet.

- It can't be.

- Who's doing this, Brad?

"Who's doing this, Brad?"

How the f*** do I know who's doing it?

Brad, it wasn't him.

I don't give a f***.

He gets on my tits, anyway.

- What's going on in here, lads?

- Nothing, sir.

Go on, then.

Get back to class, yeah?

See you at training.

So, what are you doing in here?

Sir, they were chasing me.

"Sir, they were chasing me. "

It's always somebody else's fault,

isn't it?

Kids like you make me sick.

Detention, rest of the week.

That's not fair!

I know. Life is not fair, son.

Mullet. Mullet... Mullet's back!

Mullet. Mullet's back.

Mullet's back. Mullet.

Yeah, Mullet, Mullet, Mullet.

Did you get that site down? Yeah?

- Yeah? All right. Cheers.

- Mullet.

- Is it from Mullet?

- Marcus, how many more times?

What's going on?

Someone's texting us

off Darren Mullet's phone.

- Why would they do that?

- Some sicko's idea of a joke.

Everyone back inside now.

It's just an unfortunate mishap.

Well, come on, move!

- I'm sorry. He looked f***ing ridiculous.

- Who did?

Oh, touch of hay fever, Jason?

I've had the snuffles myself.

- Problem is you've got a screw missing.

- Yes.

So, I suggest we go and get lunch

and I'll come back

and I'll have it done for you

in two shakes of a lamb's tail.

And how long is that, Mister Humpage?

- Justine, come out and play.

- I can't. I have a governors' meeting.

You're choosing that over me?

- Are you shagging one of them?

- I'm shagging all of them.

How do you think I got to be Head Girl?

This has got to stop. Right now.

OK, I'll end it. But I think I should do it

in person. They've been good to me.

Her Highness

doesn't like to be kept waiting.

Ah! Come on!

You really made me...

I mean, he's a great kid.

I'm sure he'll make a full recovery.

How about a little figgy oatcake

before your tea?

- # I get

- # I get, I get

- # What I own

- # Don't let, don't let

- # The feelings that I choose

- # I choose, I choose

# 'Cause everybody else do...

# Gotta get out of the way

No time for me to stay

# Everyone in the world

don't affect you...

- You OK, Juss?

- Yeah, I didn't sleep too well.

Ah, lying awake thinking about me,

were you?

You wish.

I've just got things on my mind.

What have you got to worry about?

Natasha, we are doing everything

in our power to get this taken down.

No one is to read this.

Don't look at it.

No, you, boy, do not look.

Is it true, though? Are you actually

kicking in her back door?

- That's my girlfriend, you f***ing moron.

- I said not to call me that.

- Oh...

- Twat.

Oh, I'll be with you in a minute, OK?

He says I bullied him.

This is creepy, if it's some sort of...

- You think I forged it?

- Well, did you?

I bet you like coming to school,

don't you?

What's that got to do with anything?

You've got no idea

what it's like to be bullied, do you?

Well, I'm sure it's awful.

Darren couldn't escape,

even when he was at home.

They... they sent him texts, and emails.

- And they set up a website.

- A website?

Yeah, can you believe that?

And what's he supposed to do?

You tell a teacher, and they tell the

bullies off, and they come after you.

You tell your parents

and they say stand up for yourself.

Darren couldn't stand up for himself.

So... who bullied him?

Everyone outside, come on.

You know you shouldn't be in here.

Justine?

What were you

and Jason Banks talking about?

Not here.

He gave me this.

- What have we got here?

- Oi.

Ha!

- F*** me. It's Mullet's suicide note.

- Bradley, don't.

Oh, chillax,

I've never seen one of these before.

Oh, f***.

He really did love you, didn't he?

Brad, just f***ing give it back.

I think you've got

a bit of stiff competition.

I don't think Darren

would have been your type.

- Does he mention any names?

- Um...

Only Justine.

Justine,

have you been bullying Darren Mullet?

Shut up, Tasha.

Can't you see she's upset?

- Do you know who was picking on him?

- Why should we know about it?

You're not accusing us of anything,

right, Justine?

No, she's not.

- I should show this to someone.

- Oh.

Well, that might not be

such a good idea.

- It's got your name on it.

- But I didn't do anything.

- We know that, but he says you did.

- And it is your word against his.

And, uh... since he's dead...

Well, I can't just ignore it.

- You shouldn't have done that.

- It's what friends are for.

'She was my angel

and I will watch over her for all eternity.

'Goodbye. Darren. '

' Help, I'm lost in your ass!

Help, I'm lost in your ass! '

- This is getting really, really old.

- 'Help... '

I'll tell you who it is.

It's that she-male Helena.

Yeah. I heard she said you were

an ugly b*tch at the funeral.

- She what?

- And that you had chubby thighs.

Are we going to do

something about this?

Yeah, because it's beginning

to get right up my arse.

- Right up your arse.

- Get off me.

- Helena wouldn't do that.

- Oh, yeah. I forgot.

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