Touch of Pink Page #5

another wedding.

Why don't I make

Rice Krispie squares.

We just ate.

- Not Rice Krispie squares.

- Nuru, I'm full.

He should marry soon, eh?

Look at that.

Nuru Jahan?

What's the matter?

You're not telling me something.

She didn't tell you what

a wonderful time we had?

Alimoo!

- You've come for the wedding, then?

- Yeah.

I knew you were hiding something.

So it was a good trip, then?

Look at you.

You are still my cute little bunny.

So where is she?

- She?

- Mumtaz, your fiance.

Mumtaz, my fiance.

She couldn't come.

She was busy working.

At UNICEF.

I'm glad I came.

Yes, me too.

I love Toronto.

Did time always drag here like this?

Can you believe it?

She still keeps plastic

on the furniture.

Keeps the evil fresh.

- Alim, your bed is made.

- Now you'll have to lie in it.

Thanks.

- I hope this isn't inconvenient.

- This is your home.

Khaled is having his stud night later.

He'd like you to come.

Stag night.

Alim, why did you come home?

Well...

...after you left...

...Giles left. And he said

these things to me...

I'm sorry.

No, you're not.

Come to the ceremonies tonight.

If you don't, there will be questions

and I will have to make up stories.

You're here.

Let's try and make the best of it.

It would mean so much to everyone.

That's your uncle. He's a leaner.

Hold your horses, Alimoo.

This party isn't for us men.

Uncle, I wanna see.

This one is from

Chakra Shani Jewelers.

No, I'm keeping that for later.

And this one's come

all the way from Char Nachna.

And the diamonds and the emeralds

are from South Africa.

Now, that's a rock that would have

impressed even Mae West.

Good children never really

leave home, do they?

I was just telling that to my class.

I give workshops on family relations.

You should come, beti.

It's a flower-arranging class.

Don't listen. They think it's

a flower-arranging class.

- Nice.

- Yeah. It's very nice.

After this, we go back

to do pithi and mendhi.

What?

- You've not been to a wedding?

- Not an Ismaili wedding.

Wait. Wait.

That's not true.

You were at my wedding.

Just a year-old cutie.

Projectile-vomiting all over

the place for five days.

Five days?

- Is Khaled's wedding gonna...?

- No.

This is a different country.

We're sensible here.

Just three days.

No, no, not that one.

Dolly made it.

Have a laddu from the shop.

- I remember your parents' wedding.

- Thank you.

It rained and rained,

but nobody cared.

I was best man to your father.

He was a good man, Alim.

Simple and kind.

Couldn't help smiling that big,

silly smile of his.

Such a long time ago.

What's this? What have I said?

Me and my big mouth.

No, it's... It's nothing.

I just miss him.

But it's so stupid.

I mean, I didn't know him.

- How could I miss him?

- Of course you knew him.

You were his little samosa.

I miss him too, beta.

But, look, I have his son now...

...all grown up, keeping me company.

I've missed you.

I'm glad you came, Alim.

We rub this into his skin.

- What's in it?

- Better not to ask.

It's for good luck. To make the groom

all fragrant on his wedding day.

Alim, why are you standing

there with your bag?

It's my camera bag.

I thought, as a present, I'd...

But...

Here we go, here we go.

Okay, Alim, now you.

- I'll be doing it to you soon.

- No, no, no, take more.

- Use both hands. Really get him dirty.

- I'll put my bag away first.

Nuru, your turn. Come. Come.

Quite the shindig.

Like the champagne party before the

wedding in The Philadelphia Story...

...but with saris.

- What, not taking photographs?

- No.

You miss everything

when you take pictures.

Pretty swanky joint. For Toronto.

Khaled bought it for them.

Just because you haven't bought

your mother a house...

I know.

It's very clear that everyone

is proud of you.

You just imagine

these things sometimes.

You might want to adjust

the collar of that shirt.

Only the most elegant young men...

Nice mirror.

Yes.

Are you having a nice time?

Yeah.

Good. I'm glad.

You beckoned?

Date from hell.

Complete waste of makeup.

You wanted to start shagging around

again, and now you're doing it.

There's no need to slag off Alim.

I forgot that you fancied Alisdair.

It's got nothing to do with that.

You know, I can't blame you.

He's physically amazing.

You know, those thighs, that...

- That ass.

- Yes. He's a statue in bloody Lycra.

No, he's amazing, you know.

It's not just physically.

He knows who he is.

And Alim doesn't?

No more brown-on-the-outside,

white-on-the-inside coconuts in my life.

Oh, for God's sake.

What does that make you, then?

A yogurt-covered raisin?

Hey.

It's my stag later.

- Why don't you come along.

- Thanks, but I'm really tired. Jet lag.

Khaled...

...you're happy, aren't you?

Sure.

- Why?

- I'm doing what's expected of me.

What I expect of myself.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow,

Mr. Married Guy.

- It's been a long time.

- Yeah.

Too long.

Don't forget to say goodbye

to my mom and dad.

You're a good Ismaili boy, now.

This is what we do.

- This stuff good for you?

- Sure.

And it's got a little toy.

Want something that's gonna

give me some energy.

Alisdair's coming round later.

It is later.

No, he's still on his date.

- Honestly?

- Yes.

It's all very casual, very loose.

- And loose is good?

- It feels good.

What's the harm in that?

It's you.

Where does she keep the booze?

I don't think she has any.

- Where is she?

- Oh, they're at the house.

Still cleaning up.

It's like an orgy of cleaning

over there.

Shouldn't you be asleep?

Today's the big day.

Yeah.

And after that...

And after that, it becomes adultery.

Won't that be exciting.

- You never used to fight me before.

- You weren't getting married before.

Just because I bought a cow

doesn't mean I like milk.

What a sensitive analogy

to holy matrimony.

Look, we were kids.

We fooled around.

But let's move on.

Everyone's always

down on you, Alim.

Bitching about you.

Not me, though.

I stick up for you.

See how I stick up for you?

Oh, Alim.

Okay, okay.

Let's start again.

How about a kiss.

What would it take to get a little kiss?

Chloroform.

I'm in love with someone else.

Yeah, I heard about the brain surgeon.

No. His name is Giles.

You're in love with a guy?

You don't love men, Alim.

F*** them, by all means, but...

Hey, he's just in it for the squirt.

I bet he doesn't love you.

I love him.

It's just not normal.

Hey, if you're normal, count me out.

Look at you.

A closet drunk, closet queer.

Name a closet,

you're hanging there.

Don't play high and mighty with me.

Anyone can run away

and play gay in limey-town.

Yeah, who can even tell

who's a fag over there?

You ever think about your mother?

Are you thinking about Nina

with your fly undone like that?

- Auntie. We were just...

- I know what you were doing.

Auntie, it's not what

you were imagining.

I'm not imagining, I'm seeing.

I'm not...

I have a fiance, remember?

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