Trading Places Page #4

of correctional institutions in this country,

they might as well let all the convicts out.

It's far worse on the inside.

Stealing from your friends, Louis?

Heroin, Louis? Have you lost your mind?

Mother wants me to call off the wedding

and so does Todd.

Todd, what does Todd have to do with it?

You've been fired from Duke & Duke.

They're charging you with embezzlement.

Embezzlement?

I've never stolen anything in my life.

How could the man I loved,

whose children I wanted to have

and breast-feed, be a heroin dealer?

It wasn't heroin, it was angel dust, PCP...

Listen Penelope,

I swear to you, on my honour,

with almighty God as my witness,

I am not an angel dust dealer.

Oh, Louis.

I've been looking

everywhere for you, baby.

- Louis, I'm hurting. I just need a shot.

- Would you please...

- Who is this person?

- I've never seen this woman before.

Don't say that, Louis.

Come on baby, just a dime bag.

I'll do all those things you like.

You lying... filthy... disgusting... creep.

Todd was right about you. I never want

to see you again as long as I live.

Grand! Great! Thanks a lot.

It was a joke.

Your friend said it would get you off.

- Someone told you to do this to me?

- Yeah, and he paid me $100.

He's over there.

Let me get this straight,

I give you 20 for the cab,

and you'll give me 50 at your house?

That is correct.

My butler will give you $50,

and drive you anywhere you wish.

You don't exactly look like

the type that has a butler.

- If you're hustling me...

- Hustling you, hustling you?

You don't think they give these

to just anyone, do you?

I can charge goods and services

in over 86 countries around the world.

Yeah? Well I don't take credit cards.

You'll see what a mistake all this was.

Yes?

Coleman, could you let me in?

I'm having trouble with my key.

- Who are you? What do you want?

- Just let me in, I'm in no mood for jokes.

Coleman? There's no Coleman here.

You've made a mistake.

Excuse me, for a moment.

Coleman! Let me in.

If you don't go away,

I shall call the police.

Hello. I'll be making a cash withdrawal

for the amount of $500.

In fact, make it $1,000.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, Mr Winthorpe,

but the IRS has frozen your accounts.

What? You know me.

You're a heroin dealer, Mr Winthorpe.

It wasn't heroin, it was angel dust - PCP

and I never touched it.

Regardless, it's not the kind of business

we want at First National.

May I see your credit cards please?

- I've been ordered to repossess them.

- What?

Wait, what am I supposed to live on?

What's going to happen to me?

Roger.

Why is someone

deliberately trying to ruin my life?

Tell you what. Forget about the $50, OK?

I'm just real tired. I'm going home.

You've got to believe me.

You must believe me.

I have been framed.

You can't just leave me here.

I've got enough problems, Louis.

Come on, come on.

Listen! Wait!

Wait.

I have over $150,000 in that bank.

But you don't care because

you helped them do this to me.

Get off your knees, Louis.

Give me your hand.

Soft hands.

And a manicure. Never done a hard day's

work in your life, have you?

I'm gonna regret this but...

come on. Get in.

I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

This has been a grave mistake.

Hey, that looks just like

the dude that had me busted.

Sir?

Right there,

he looked just like the mother...

I mean, he looks just like

the gentleman that had me busted.

To whom are you referring, sir?

The dude right there.

- Right over there.

- That's my car.

Coleman!

Coleman, that's my car!

That's my car! That's my driver.

There's some strange sh*t

going on here, Coleman.

You don't want

to be late for your first day, sir.

What do they want me to do here?

- I'm sure they'll tell you.

- What if I can't do it?

Just be yourself, sir.

Whatever happens,

they can't take that away from you.

- Excuse me, my name is...

- Mr Valentine.

They're waiting in the last office

down the hall.

- Ah, William, my boy. Right on time.

- Come in, come in.

Sit down.

No thanks, guys.

I already had breakfast.

This is not a meal, Valentine.

We are here to try to explain to you,

what it is we do here.

We are commodities brokers, William.

Now, what are commodities?

Commodities are agricultural products.

Like coffee, that you had for breakfast.

Wheat, which is used to make bread.

Pork bellies, which is used to make bacon,

which you might find in a bacon,

lettuce and tomato sandwich.

Then there are other commodities like...

frozen orange juice... and gold.

Though, of course, gold

doesn't grow on trees like oranges.

- Clear so far?

- Yeah.

Good, William.

Now, some of our clients are speculating

that the price of gold

will rise in the future.

We have other clients who are speculating

that the price of gold is going to fall.

They've placed their orders with us

and we buy or sell their gold for them.

Tell him the good part.

The good part is that no matter whether

our clients make money,

or lose money,

Duke & Duke get the commissions.

Well, what do you think, Valentine?

Sounds to me like you guys

are a couple of bookies.

I told you he'd understand.

It doesn't take a genius

to figure out what happened.

It's the same guy who tried

to rob the payroll, no doubt, that's him.

He planted the drugs on me.

Rachim, Mohammed, Larry.

How are you guys doing?

Hey, hey, how ya doing?

You know those people?

He was wearing my Harvard tie.

Can you believe it? My Harvard tie.

Like, oh sure, he went to Harvard.

If he's being driven around in my car,

he could actually be living in my house.

Maybe he's even taken my job.

For all I know, right at this moment

he could be fondling my fiancee.

And Coleman -

after years of service, this betrayal.

I don't understand it.

There's going to be retribution.

Oh, he's going to pay.

- The things that I...

- Shut up, Louis.

Taxis cost money,

food costs money and rent costs money!

Now, you want me to help you out,

I expect a lot in return.

These were here when I moved in.

Put 'em on if you want.

Look, I cannot begin to tell you

how much I appreciate this...

- Ophelia.

- Ophelia, you realise that's the name...

I know, Hamlet's girlfriend.

He went crazy, she killed herself.

This is not Shakespeare, Louis.

I'm 24. I'm from a small, miserable

mining town you probably never heard of.

The only thing I've got going for me,

is this body, this face,

and what I got up here.

I don't do drugs.

And I don't have a pimp.

This place is a dump.

But it's cheap,

it's clean and it's all mine.

I've saved 42 grand

and it's in T-Bills earning interest.

I've got three more years on my back.

I'll have enough to retire.

You're a prostitute?

I'm talking about

a business proposition, Louis.

I help you get back on your feet

and you pay me, in cash, five figures.

That's the deal

and it's not subject to negotiation.

Understood?

By the way, food and rent are not

the only things here that cost money.

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