Tragedy Girls Page #2

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We need to emphasize

the Upworthy-ness.

'Kay, one sec.

[Indistinct conversations]

I can't believe

everyone is so calm.

I mean, there's a dangerous

killer on the loose...

so to speak.

Well, they jumped the gun

on bringing in Jordan's dad.

There hasn't even been

a stake-raising second death.

What's with you

and that mama's boy anyway?

Nothing.

We're sort of friends.

Well, you don't need

any friends.

- You have me.

- Aw, someone's jelly.

I'm not jelly.

He just has

a pathetic crush on you.

Ever since he got held back

a year, he's been super-clingy.

Put him out of his misery

already.

Um, we need him

for the video editing?

He's legit talented.

We only got one retweet today...

from your mom.

Sad.

Fine. We'll step up our game.

[Locker door slams]

Now it's important

to distinguish

what kind of killers

we're talking about here.

Serial killers can operate

over many years

and have very distinct patterns

when selecting their victims.

[Victims scream,

chain saw buzzes]

While spree killers don't

have cooling-off periods,

and kill like 2 or more people

in a short amount of time.

[Victims screaming]

- So it's like a Jeffrey Dahmer...

- Ugh.

- Versus a Charles Starkweather...

- Hmm.

But what kind of killer is

operating in Rosedale right now?

And more importantly,

is he behind the disappearance

of Craig Thompson?

- And even more importantly...

- Who will be next?

[Smack]

[Click]

Yeah, so, I think my roto here

works pretty well.

And, uh, you guys really sell it

with the performances.

This is great, Jordan.

Yeah, feel free

to stop whenever.

You know, my dad says

there's no killer

because he doesn't want

to scare people.

But you guys want

to tell the truth,

and so do I.

Cool. So can you

just, like, upload it

whenever it renders or whatever?

Yeah. Okay.

- Thanks, J.

- Oh, wait!

Uh, this is yours.

"Martyrs" was just horrifying.

[Chuckles] So f***ed up.

It's great, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Um, you know,

I've been getting into

more European stuff lately,

if you ever want to...

come over.

- We have cheer.

- Yeah. Sorry.

Okay. Yeah. Cool. It's cool.

Uh, maybe some other time,

if you ever want to...

Great. So, I'll... I'll

just post this,

once it's uh, uh,

once it's all good.

[Clicks tongue]

Hashtag Tragedy Girls!

[Dustin Mahler's

"Movin' On" plays]

We're movin' on

We've got a comment

on our video already.

"I made 8,000 dollars this week,

working from home."

F***ing spambots.

It's like nobody cares

what we're doing.

I know.

- Well, how's our new pet?

- Hmm.

Go, go, go, go

So boring.

It's like old drifter Periscope.

I can't believe he's being

such a dick about helping us.

He's like, "I'm gonna gut you

like a fish."

Get over yourself, man.

Well, that's it, I guess.

I don't know

how we're gonna become

horror legends

without an iconic killer.

Dude, I told you,

we don't need him.

Your brains, my charisma,

we can do anything.

No offense, but last I checked,

that didn't work out so well.

That was like a million

years ago.

We could kill the juice-bar guy.

[Dramatic music plays]

Hi.

He knows.

Sometimes I just feel

like nothing I do matters.

- Like, I'm not special.

- We're movin' now

Look, we're about to graduate

and go to college,

and we haven't even started

our first killing spree.

Is that what you want?

Of course not.

But it's about the story.

It's got to be legend-worthy.

Something people

will never forget.

Hmm.

Go, go

Wait.

We just need 100,000 followers

by prom,

and we'll be on our way.

So we steal Lowell's

gross identity,

and use it to leverage

our online presence.

Then we frame him

for everything.

Exactly. To the next phase.

To the next phase.

Be aggressive!

Be, be aggressive!

Rosedale, Rosedale,

we're the best!

Growing stronger than the rest!

Be aggressive!

- Be, be aggressive!

- Be, be beheaded

- [Whistle blows]

- Whoo!

- Whoo!

- Put your head down!

- Why do we do this?

- Forget it.

- Hi, ladies!

- Hi, Syl.

- [Sighs]

- What?

- Super-cute shoes, McKayla.

- Thank you.

But, as you know,

we are supposed to have

the proper footwear

for the pyramids

and the catching.

- [Chuckles]

- So?

So I just don't think

they're very practical.

Don't get me wrong, I love them.

But maybe you could just

sit this one out, okay?

I just want everyone to be safe.

Bye!

- Whoo!

- Whoo!

- What a c*nt.

- Right?

[Singsong voice]

Rosedale High is trending.

Hashtag RosedaleKiller

or hashtag PrayForCraig?

Ugh. Neither.

It's your leather jacket

of an ex-boyfriend.

Oh.

Jesus, are all of these pics

just him and his crotch rocket?

- Yeah.

- And these song lyrics...

He's so sensitive.

He has so many more

followers than we do,

and it's literally

the same thing!

- What?!

- It's okay.

You've really grown so much

in these last 12 hours.

Be strong.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Hey.

What's up?

Hi, Tobes.

Hey, Kay-Kay.

How are you doing?

I'm good. Yeah, I'm good.

I'm just... [Sighs]

I'm, like, really upset

about Craig and everything,

- but...

- That's good.

You need to be open right now

to experience everything.

- I'm so open.

- As scary as it may be,

you can't be afraid

to ride that wave.

- I'm gonna ride it.

- No matter how terrifying it is.

- Embrace it, okay?

- I'm gonna embrace it so hard.

[Chuckles]

Yeah, so we happened to see

some of your posts about Craig.

And they're really similar

to what we're doing.

So we were just wondering

if maybe you could

- give our blog a shout-out?

- Yeah, I don't...

I don't think Toby

really does shout-outs.

I don't know, I think

that a shout-out from me

would be a little off-brand.

Something is definitely

happening in Rosedale,

and I think

that Craig would agree.

Look, I say what I feel.

If people connect with it,

then... that's beautiful.

[Sighs]

But I'm no hero.

Just one post.

It'd really help us out.

I miss you so much, Tobes.

- I miss you too, Kay-kay.

- Really?

I've been thinking a lot

about us lately.

But everything that happened

with Craig is just so...

so messed-up.

You know?

All we have is each other,

and I need to express myself

[Echoing] for the community.

The whole community needs me

to be present for them.

You understand?

I have 15,000 followers.

[Dramatic music plays]

- We so need to kill him.

- Baby, I need you

But why do we have to kill

the cute ones first?

To make an omelet, you have

to kill some ex-boyfriends.

Plus he's hella-annoying,

and he's distracting you.

Yeah, but how do we do this?

I mean, what are we

trying to say here?

How about "I just stabbed your

basic b*tch-ass in the throat

'cause of your

emo status update."

Be serious.

Okay, you're the one

who's always saying

that we have to have

a higher plan and sh*t.

You're right. If we don't

put thought into this,

we're no different

than the Texas Chainsaw

reject we have tied up.

He's always just trying

to escape.

So boring.

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