Trail of the Pink Panther Page #5

and sometimes even win.

So you think determination

was the key to his success?

No question about it.

He was a fool, but he epitomized

the 11th commandment.

The 11th commandment?

Thou shalt not give up.

- I like that.

- I thought you might.

- Good-bye.

- Good-bye.

- Come and see us again.

- I may do that.

The man of your dreams

is also a Machiavellian charmer.

I know that.

Thank you.

- Good-bye.

- Bye!

- You've just passed the hotel.

- Yes, ma'am.

But that's where I wanted to go!

- You see that car following us?

- What about it?

The two men in that car suggested

I drop you off at another address.

What are you talking about?

It was more like a threat

than a suggestion.

They threatened you?

One of them showed me

his brand-new gun.

Who are they?

You'll think I'm not on the ball,

but I neglected to get their names.

- You realize this is kidnapping?

- Yeah.

I have to be honest with you.

I couldn't come up with an alternative.

You can go to prison for life

for kidnapping.

Lady, the gun he showed me

was a.38 Magnum.

I don't know anything about guns.

That gun makes

enormous holes in things.

I had a choice between kidnapping you

and getting shot with that gun.

To be perfectly frank,

I would look terrible and feel worse

with an enormous hole in me.

Use it where it hurts the most.

Watch this.

Beat that. Miss Jouvet,

how nice of you to come.

- Did I have a choice?

- Actually, no.

Let's go where we can be in private.

- Do I have a choice?

- I just want to have a little talk.

- Watch your step.

- I always do.

Why the B-movie melodramatics?

You could have picked up a phone.

- Would you have come?

- To see the French godfather?

- Bruno, I'm a reporter.

- A terrific-looking one at that.

Take a swim.

Let's make ourselves comfortable.

Have a seat.

- Can I have a drink?

- Do I have a choice?

- Actually, no.

- How about some champagne?

Terrific.

Put a fresh peach in it.

You heard the lady.

Champagne, put a peach in it.

A peach?

Yes, sir.

I never heard of a peach

in champagne before.

Very sexy.

- Make that two.

- Yes, sir.

What happens

if he doesn't have any peaches?

Something very melodramatic.

If it gets to that,

I'll settle for plain champagne.

Marie, you really are

some kind of sensational lady.

- Bruno, there is an old saying.

- What's that?

Never bullshit a bullshitter.

I want you to lay off

on this Clouseau thing.

- Take off your glasses.

- What for?

Then I can see what you're thinking.

I doubt that.

Why do you want me

to lay off Clouseau?

- Because I asked you to.

- That's not good enough.

It should be.

What if I don't?

When I was your age,

I used to sometimes wonder

what it would be like if I suddenly

found a whole lot of money.

- Ever imagine something like that?

- Yes.

I even imagined that someday

someone might try to bribe me

with a small fortune.

- What did you do?

- I was tempted.

That's a good start.

- But I said no.

- Not very bright.

I'm a reporter... for better

or for worse, an honest one.

Tell me why you want me

to lay off Clouseau.

I prefer things the way they are.

Clouseau created a lot of problems.

A smart lady like you

could find out he's still alive.

Or dead.

I might even find out

that someone killed him.

You've got a beautiful face.

Why stick it in where it doesn't belong?

It's my job.

What good is your job

if you gotta do your TV show

from a hospital bed?

I knew you were going to threaten me,

but I didn't know how I was going to react.

- I've surprised myself.

- Is that right?

Instead of scaring me,

you have made me angry.

I can't remember

when I've been so angry!

I'm a member of the press,

and I will not be intimidated

by you or anybody else!

- Now who's being melodramatic?

- You call this melodramatic?

- Wait till I get home!

- What are you going to do?

Faint or throw up. Maybe both.

I won't know till I get there.

- Eight to five, it's throw up.

- You've got a bet!

Sir?

- Gutsy lady.

- Yes, indeed, sir.

- Great ass.

- I didn't notice, sir.

Arthur, there's an old saying...

never bullshit a bullshitter.

Yes, of course, sir.

Yes, a great ass, indeed.

Can I get out now?

I don't think she has

such a great ass.

What do you expect me to do?

- Arrest him.

- On what charge?

- He had me kidnapped.

- Can you prove it?

Ask the taxi driver!

You said it was the taxi driver

who kidnapped you.

Bruno's men forced him to.

They had guns!

- Did you see the guns?

- No, but the taxi driver...

I'm certain that everything

you've told me is true,

but I'm equally certain

that Monsieur Langois will deny it.

- Monsieur Langois?

- What it boils down to...

It boils down to

his word against mine!

Exactly!

And in certain circles,

Monsieur Langois' word

carries a lot of weight.

You are upset,

so I will ignore the innuendo.

Upset or not,

the innuendo stands.

May I suggest that you go home

and forget all about this?

Excuse me.

I shall tell you

exactly where I'm going.

I'm going to my office,

where I shall write my next broadcast

about a Mafia boss

who kidnapped me

and the chief inspector of the Sret

who refused to do anything about it!

In my opinion,

that would be most unwise.

What it boils down to, Inspector,

is I don't trust your opinion.

Miss Jouvet seemed a bit upset.

Miss Jouvet is turning out

to be a real pain in the a...

So far, the incident

hasn't even been investigated.

If Bruno Langois is in the mood

to deny the allegation,

I will be happy

to repeat it on the witness stand.

She's talking about you.

It won't be the first time

that I've been instrumental...

- Lot of guts.

- ... to change his testimony.

I believe even the French

godfather would think twice

about challenging me in court.

As for Chief Inspector Dreyfus,

if he really is the paragon

of police virtue he purports to be,

why hasn't he bothered to find

the taxi driver and interrogate him?

She's talking about you.

It's intriguing, but the more

I find out about Clouseau,

the more

certain interested parties

would prefer that I drop

my investigation.

So far I haven't turned up

anything incriminating,

but obviously I'm rocking the boat

and people are getting nervous.

One thing's sure...

I intend to keep on rocking

until I have an answer for you.

Good night.

Inspector Clouseau's residence,

Cato speaking.

I've gone to Miami Beach

to spend Chinese New Year

with my maternal grandmother.

Leave a message after the beep.

Avon calling!

You?

Regrettably.

Inspector Clouseau's residence,

Cato speaking.

I've gone to Miami Beach

to spend Chinese New Year

with my maternal grandmother.

Leave a message after the beep.

- I'm sorry.

- I'm used to it.

This is Professor Auguste Balls

of Paris.

You Oriental picaroon, you can't

fool me about the plane crash.

He is hiding to avoid payment.

Unless I receive 4,000 francs

by Friday, I'm suing!

Put that in your opium pipe

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