Trainwreck Page #14

DONALD:

I just want you to know, my safeword is pineapple.

AMY:

Alright, got it.

DONALD:

Hit me.

AMY:

Hit you?

DONALD:

Yeah. I want you to hit me.

AMY:

Ok.

Amy slaps him softly in the chest.

DONALD:

Are you serious? In the face.

Amy slaps him softly in the face.

DONALD (CONT’D)

Hit me.

AMY:

I’m hitting you.

DONALD:

Hit me hard.

She slaps him again.

DONALD (CONT’D)

Oh f***ing do it already?

AMY:

I’m hitting you.

She slaps him again harder.

DONALD:

What don’t you take a littlearthritis medication and try again?

She hits him again.

107.

DONALD (CONT’D)

You pathetic, childless MILF, hit

me like this.

Donald slaps her hard.

AMY:

Owww.

Amy clocks him.

DONALD:

Owwww. F***. Pineapple. Pineapple.

AMY:

Sh*t.

Donald weeps. TAWNY walks in the door. She is Amy’s age.

TAWNY:

What’s going on in here? Donnie?

DONALD:

Mommy.

AMY:

Mommy?

DONALD:

Mommy. My eye!

TAWNY:

He’s sixteen years old!

AMY:

F***!

INT. S’NUFF OFFICES - DAY

Amy sits across from Dianna.

DIANNA:

You had quite a night.

AMY:

I’m so-

DIANNA:

Amy, we’ve all been there. Oh yeah.

I once f***ed three quarters of

Pink Floyd. Yeah. Dark side of all

their moons.

(MORE)

108.

DIANNA (CONT'D)

Amy, you are such a strong writer.

I would say you are my mostvaluable writer.

AMY:

Thank you.

DIANNA:

I reread through your latest draftof the Dr. Conners piece. I have toconfess I spoke too soon. It isvery good.

AMY:

Really?

DIANNA:

It really is. It’s very good.

AMY:

Thank you. You won’t regret thisDianna. I know you said, don’t-

DIANNA:

Regret what? I’m not publishing ithere. God, no. You’re fired. Amy,

you’re so fired. How could you notget that? I can’t have one of myemployees having sex with someoneunderage AND beating them up. Oneor the other, but not the combo.

See what I’m saying?

Schultz and Bryson enter.

SCHULTZ:

Hey Dianna, we just...

BRYSON:

Oh, you’re doing it now? Sorry.

Should we just come back, or did italready happen?

AMY:

Everyone knows?

SCHULTZ:

Did what already happen?

BRYSON:

Amy f***ed Donald.

AMY:

I didn’t f*** Donald. I tried..

109.

SCHULTZ:

You tried?

BRYSON:

He’s sixteen.

SCHULTZ:

Oh my God.

DIANNA:

Get out you guys.

BRYSON:

His safe word is pineapple.

AMY:

F*** you Schultz. Should we line up

the winners you’ve f***ed. The girl

who was quarantined for we don’teven know what?

Schultz and Bryson leave.

DIANNA:

I’m so sorry about that. Soinappropriate. Anyway, nice news, Iknow you’re close with Nikki, she

got the executive editor position.

AMY:

That’s great.

Nikki appears in the doorway.

NIKKI:

Thanks Amy, that means the world.

Although, I could turn down theposition if you want me to.

AMY:

Ok, yeah. Please don’t take it. I’m

serious.

Nikki looks devastated.

AMY (CONT’D)

I’m kidding.

NIKKI:

You’re funny.

AMY:

Congratulations.

110.

NIKKI:

You scared me!

Nikki leaves.

AMY:

She’s great.

DIANNA:

She looks like an idiot.

Amy waits for Dianna to say “but...”

DIANNA (CONT’D)

Ok, go.

INT. SNACKEY’S - NIGHT

Aaron eats alone. Everyone else is having a nice time.

EXT. COFFEE HOUSE - DAY

Amy writes alone.

EXT. PARK BENCH - DAY

Aaron watching a GIRL smoke pot. He looks sad.

INT. ASSISTED LIVING - DAY

Amy visits with Norman. He talks, she listens.

EXT. CENTRAL PARK - SAILBOAT POND - DAY

Amy revisits the pond alone.

INT. POST-OPERATING ROOM - DAY

Amar’e is waking up. He is still heavily sedated.

AARON:

Amar’e. Hey buddy.

AMAR’E

Hey, Doc. How’d we do?

AARON:

You did great.

111.

AMAR’E

Did it go Tom Brady good?

AARON:

It went better than Brady good.

AMAR’E

Have you seen his wife Giselle?

AARON:

Yeah I have.

AMAR’E

She’s hot.

AARON:

You’re on a lot of medication. Whydon’t you get some sleep?

AMAR’E

Isn’t she like a Victoria Secret

model?

AARON:

I don’t know. I think so. I’m gonnabe right here. I’m gonna be on this

floor so if you need anything youlet me know, ok?

AMAR’E

I follow her on instagram.

AARON:

Ok. You should go to sleep buddy.

Amar’e hugs Aaron.

AMAR’E

I love you.

AARON:

Ok. And he’s asleep.

INT. AARON’S APARTMENT - EVENING

Aaron sleeps on his couch. He is a mess. Stubble, pajamas,

one sock on. He’s watching The Dogwalker.

MARISA TOMEI:

Everybody’s left a dog in a hot carat some point in there lives.

112.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

I don’t think that’s true.

The phone rings and Aaron answers.

AARON:

Hello?

LEBRON JAMES (V.O.)

Aaron? It’s Lebron. I’m at the gym.

I think I pulled something. I need

you to come down. It hurts like a

mother.

AARON:

I’ll be right over.

LEBRON JAMES (V.O.)

Hurry up.

AARON:

Sit tight.

INT./EXT. CULTURE FITNESS - NIGHT

Aaron runs in.

AARON:

Lebron? You ok?

We see CHRIS EVERT and MATTHEW BRODERICK sitting on each side

of LeBron. They are all drinking from red cups.

LEBRON JAMES:

I’m not ok Aaron. I’m concerned

about you.

AARON:

You’re not hurt?

LEBRON JAMES:

This is your intervention.

AARON:

My intervention? For what?

LEBRON JAMES:

You ruined things with Amy.

AARON:

This is about Amy?

113.

LEBRON JAMES:

You’ve been so sad lately.

MATTHEW BRODERICK

Aaron, we’re concerned about you.

You’ve helped us, now we’re goingto help you.

AARON:

Come on man.

MATTHEW BRODERICK

Sit. Sit down.

Aaron sits down. MARV ALBERT appears.

MARV ALBERT:

Oh it started and it is on. I’m

sorry I’m late. Did I missanything?

MATTHEW BRODERICK

I know relationships can beterrifying, but you don't bail outat the first sign of trouble.

MARV ALBERT:

It’s obvious, Aaron choking underintense pressure.

AARON:

I did not choke, Marv.

CHRIS EVERT:

Look, if he’s not happy, and she’snot the right one for him thenobviously it’s not meant to be.

Sometimes the right person issitting right in front of you.

MARV ALBERT:

Chris Evert hitting on Aaron hard.

LEBRON JAMES:

Chris, don’t hit on Aaron.

CHRIS EVERT:

Lebron, don’t be a cockblocker.

MARV ALBERT:

Evert is still at it and franklyit’s making me uncomfortable.

114.

MATTHEW BRODERICK

You know what I think the issue

might be, you’re probably focusingon her problems instead of lookingin the mirror.

MARV ALBERT:

Aaron is playing the blame game.

AARON:

Thank you, Marv.

MATTHEW BRODERICK

I bet you’re not the easiest personto have a relationship with.

MARV ALBERT:

Broderick, cutting deep with his

insights. He is on fire. His bestwork since War Games.

AARON:

You guys don’t understand, I tried.

She didn’t want to be a part of it.

LEBRON JAMES:

You can’t just run when you getscared.

AARON:

She pushed me away.

MARV ALBERT:

Aaron is fearing engulfment andintimacy.

AARON:

You know what, you’re not helpful.

You’re not helpful, you’re nothelpful. And you are really nothelpful Marv. Really not helpful.

MARV ALBERT:

Marv Albert apologizes.

AARON:

Bye.

LEBRON JAMES:

Aaron.

AARON:

Goodbye, LeBron.

115.

Aaron walks off.

MATTHEW BRODERICK

I thought you said he would look atmy hip.

LEBRON JAMES:

Yeah, if things would’ve wentbetter.

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