Trevor Noah: Lost in Translation Page #3

I think--I think

I've got it all down. I think--

And then I turn on the TV

and then I see Walter Scott.

A 50-something-year-old man

running away from a policeman

getting shot in the back.

Running away from the policeman.

And again, the media,

for some strange reason,

just seems to forget

what the main purpose

of--of the discussion is.

'Cause on day one they go,

"Unarmed man shot in the back."

Day two they're like,

"Who was Walter Scott?

"Let's find out about it.

Apparently he had a charge

of assault against him in 1987."

So he gets shot for it?

How hard did he punch the guy

that he gets shot for it

in 2015?

What, did he punch the guy

into the future

and then he came back to get

him? Is that what happened?

I mean, it was the '80s.

Everyone punched somebody

in the '80s.

I don't understand why

this is a big deal.

They were saying

the craziest things.

They were like, "Walter Scott,

I mean, this is--

"Everybody's talking about

the police officer.

Let's talk about him.

Why did he run? Why did he run?"

'Cause he didn't want

to go to jail.

Are we really

gonna live in a world

where police no longer

want to chase criminals?

Is that what we're saying?

Is that what we're saying?

Police no longer want

to chase criminals.

That's the whole point

of the game, isn't it?

We played it as kids,

cops and robbers, yeah?

You've seen the movies.

That's what makes it fun.

"Freeze!"

"You can't catch me, copper."

And then you run.

That's what makes it fun.

Now, police no longer want

to chase criminals.

We're gonna live in a world

where police--

Can you imagine what that's

gonna do to the movie industry?

It's gonna be horrible.

We're gonna be watching

"Bad Boys Five,"

Martin Lawrence and Will Smith,

"Freeze!"

"Okay."

End of movie. Done.

It would be

the worst movie ever.

This is the strangest thing.

They ask all the weird

questions,

questions that have nothing to

do with a man being shot

who is unarmed.

They come on and they go,

"Also--also noted

is that Walter Scott owed

$16,000 in child support."

To the cop?

[laughter]

No, no, I mean, like--

[cheers and applause]

To the--

'Cause--'cause that would be

a different story.

That would be like if that was

the mother of his children

that shot him,

then you know what?

I may--I may actually

be on her side.

You never know, yeah.

I might have been there like,

"You know what, sister,

"you shoot him in the back,

girl.

"That's right, you shoot him

"thinking he ain't gonna pay

after he play.

"You shoot him in the back

thinking he gonna run away

"from his responsibilities.

Shoot him dead."

But this has nothing

to do with it.

A policeman shoots

an unarmed man.

He's running away,

and they have the nerve--

They have the nerve,

the crazy nerve to say,

"This officer feared

for his life. He was afraid."

Afraid of what?

The man's running away.

There's nothing less frightening

than somebody

running away from you.

That is the definition of fear.

He's running away.

The only thing he could have

done to be less threatening

is to cluck like a chicken

as he--[clucking].

There's nothing less frightening

than a man

running away from you.

Like, what are you afraid of?

You can't say he was running--

"I was afraid."

Afraid of what?

He's running away from you.

That makes no sense.

You're seeing him from behind.

No one's threatening

from behind.

They're running away.

There's no one who's--

Like, maybe Kim Kardashian,

but nobody else is--

He's running away from you.

You shoot him in the back.

Like, yeah, "I was afraid."

Afraid of what?

What, do you have

abandonment issues?

Why would you shoot a man--

"My dad left when I was five."

Makes no sense.

So I don't know how not to die.

And here I am in my car

on the side of the road

in a random street

in Los Angeles,

and the whole time it was like,

"I don't want to die.

I don't want to die.

I don't want to die."

And the policeman

gets out of his car

and he starts walking

towards me

and his hand is by his side.

And it's doing this.

And I've watched westerns.

[laughter]

I know what this means.

This is never good.

This never turns into

friendship.

[laughter]

So now, I'm starting to stress

and I'm looking at him

in the side mirror of my car

and I'm panicking,

because objects in the mirror

are closer than they appear.

So he's gonna get there

at any moment.

And I don't know why,

I don't know why I did this.

Like as soon as he--I panicked.

I completely panicked,

and I launched myself

out the window.

I took my body

and I threw it out the window,

and I fell under the side

of the car just like...

[imitated explosion]

and onto the side of the car.

I basically went back to nature.

I thought of a predator.

You don't make eye contact

and you play dead.

That's all I did, I just played

dead on the side of the car.

Which freaked him out.

He was completely--

He was just like, "What?

Hey, hey! Hey, what's going on?"

I said, "I'm sorry, officer.

I'm sorry."

He's like, "Sir,

what are you sorry for?"

I said, "Whatever it is that's

gonna make you shoot me,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, officer."

He said, "Sir, get back in

the car. Get back in the car."

I said, "No! I don't wanna die.

"Please, I'm not falling

for that trick.

Please, officer, I'm sorry."

He's like, "Sir, I'm not--

I'm not gonna kill you.

Just get back in the car."

And I mean,

this guy was just as freaked out

as I was. I'm not gonna lie.

'Cause I mean, when I put myself

in his shoes, what does he do?

Imagine that, you're standing on

the side of the road,

a guy jumps out of his own car.

What doe he--

He can't even call for backup.

What does he say?

"10-4, I need backup."

"What do you need?"

"I got a black guy,

killed himself?"

"10-4, you gotta make something

up better than that.

We'll back you up, don't worry."

Like, you can't--

Like, what do you say?

It's just like a weird--

The guy's freaking out.

I'm freaking out,

and I'm lying there.

And this guy,

he--he approaches slowly.

He approaches, he finally gets

to me and lifts my arms,

and he's like, "Get back

in the car, sir, get back.

Get back in." And he stuffs--he

stuffs me back into my window.

"Get back there." I'm like,

"No, no, I'm not--

Please, I don't want to die."

He's like, "Sir, sir, calm down.

Calm down."

I go, "Okay. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry."

He's like,

"Sir, have you been drinking?"

I said, "No, sir,

I haven't been drinking."

He said, "Okay, calm down.

Do you know why

I pulled you over, sir?"

I said, "Is it because

I'm black?"

And now, I wasn't being an ass,

nor was I joking.

I'd just been informed that

as a black person in America,

if you drive a really nice car,

there's a good chance

you're gonna get pulled over

by the police.

Yeah, so in my world,

he was doing his job

as I had been told.

Yeah, I wasn't judging him.

In fact, I was--

I was a little flattered.

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