Trick Page #3

or ''Good for one fare''?

Merci.

''Good for one fare.''

Where do you live?

Brooklyn.

Yeah. But let's not go

all the way out there.

Oh, you have a boyfriend

or something?

No, but it's not really

my apartment.

You see, l rent the room

from this old woman...

and she doesn't like me

bringing guys back to the place.

lf you're not into this,

l totally understand.

No, l am.

Well, what about Wonder Bar?

What do we want to go

to a bar for?

Right. Right.

Yeah.

l usually don't go to bars.

Well, l did tonight, but...

Well, l go to bars,

but not a lot.

l used to think

l didn't like gay people...

but now, actually, l think

that l do like gay people.

There was a time

that l felt like...

l wasn't one of them.

You know? Culturally.

You suck dick, right?

Yeah, but what l mean is,

l don't have bleached hair...

and l don't look good

in Lycra...

and l don't work out...much.

You ever had a boyfriend?

l wouldn't call him a boyfriend.

He was actually something

totally random.

l met him in the library...

and he was really cute...

and he had this ltalian accent,

which l love.

l totally love guys

with accents.

l mean, l was nuts.

l mean, l was totally goofy

for this guy.

But then, you know, one day...

we just stopped having

things to talk about.

Then l stopped calling him

to see if he'd call me...

and he didn't.

lt was probably better anyways.

l mean, l didn't have a bedroom.

l mean, what's the use

of having a boyfriend...

if you don't have

a bedroom, right?

Besides, l started getting

this nagging feeling...

you know, that he was lying

to me all the time.

l don't think he was ltalian.

l actually think he was

Puerto Rican or something.

Well, Gabe,

maybe l should get going.

Uh, wait! Uh...

l do know this one guy.

From my writer's workshop.

Well, l don't know.

Maybe we could, uh...

go to his place.

Great. Call him.

He's not at home, actually.

He's at a piano bar.

l told my friend, the writer

How happy l would be

lf he'd write an opening number

Especially for me

But when he had it finished

lt came as quite a shock

He handed me a song titled

How do you like my...

l said, ''You can't do that

in public''

l said, ''Even l wouldn't dare''

So he made a few small changes

Now l can sing it anywhere

Como te gusta mi pinga

En tus pantalones

Como te gusta mi pinga

Y mis cajones

lt's the same old thing

in the same old hole

But when you say it in Espanyol

lt sounds divine

Como te gusta mi pinga

Es muy caliente

Como te gusta mi pinga

Es grande plenty

You don't go around

Shouting, ''You're well-hung''

But when you do it

in another tongue

lt's just fine

When the hour's late,

and l don't have a date

And l feel that l can't go on

l lift up my head,

and l stick out my chin

And l talk like

Montalban

Como te gusta mi pinga

lt sounds so neato

Like a warm quesadilla

Or a pork burrito

lt's the same old cheese

and the same old meat

But when it has a Latin beat

lt's OK

Como te gusta mi pinga

Ol

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

And thank you

to my favorite piano man--

Mr. Lester Sinclair.

This makes me seem really

desperate, and l kind of am.

Anyway, it's a long pathetic

story you don't want to hear...

but l met this guy,

and we don't have a place to go.

Oh, l want to hear this story.

Where is he?

He's cute.

-He's a go-go boy.

-No.

l can't believe

l'm asking you this.

What?

But, uh, you've got your place

to yourself now, right?

Gabriel, you tramp.

Of course you can use my co-op

for your little love antics.

Someone should.

But you got to promise

not to break anything, OK?

Gabriel tells me

you're a go-go boy.

-That must be fun.

-lt's a blast.

So how often do you participate

in three-ways or four-gies?

-l'm doing research.

-For what?

My Casanova musical.

Mark, three-ways or four-gies?

Uh, sometimes.

What kind of guys do you usually

pick up, or do you hustle?

No. l don't hustle.

l bet you wouldn't object...

if l slipped a ten-spot

in your undies.

So what's your type?

lt varies.

lnteresting. They aren't all

like Gabriel, then?

Once l dated this guy from Yale.

He was in the glee club.

-A Whiffenpoof!

-You heard of them?

l can't resist a lyric baritone.

ln fact, l've dated

three Whiffenpoofs...

four Tigertones,

a Crocadillo...

and two members of

the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

So you liked this Whiffenpoof?

Yeah. He was really great.

l bet you broke his heart.

All Casanovas do.

Um, you know.

Be careful

with a musician's heart.

We're fragile.

So can me and Gabe go back

to your place and screw around?

My apartment's

just up in Chelsea.

Would it be OK if you used

the futon in the living room?

l feel a little weird

about the bed.

-lt's fine.

-Good.

How long do you expect

this might take?

l wasn't planning

on coming back yet.

l could go out and let you in...

and then go back out

for maybe two hours.

To tell you the truth,

l wanted to get sauced tonight.

Who just broke up

with his boyfriend?

-Sorry.

-No, l don't want any sympathy.

l just want to forget about him.

lt's good you boys

are coming over, you know?

My place hasn't seen any action

for two weeks.

But l wanted it.

-You dumped him?

-No.

He dumped you?

Well, l made him dump me.

We were crying,

and he asked me what l wanted.

And l said, ''l want you

to break up with me!''

l didn't expect him to do it.

Three years--l'm single for

the first time in three years.

God, l want him back.

What am l saying?

l don't want to see him again.

Just his sweaters. l bought

most of those sweaters anyway.

Before he met me,

he had two decent sweaters.

Well, three. Maybe four.

Let's not talk about this, OK?

Let's not talk about it.

Gabriel presented his song

in class today.

That peach who sings

your songs--Boy, is she loud.

l told him he needed

to grab life by the balls...

but l never expected...

Well, just look at you.

That song is very good, though.

Thanks.

Pastichey, but l like that.

How does that begin again?

-The verse?

-Yeah. How does that go?

l've heard

that all the world's

Cut it.

No one wants to hear that.

-Cut the verse?

-Honey, get it out of there.

Just go to the chorus.

That's the fun part.

But what about all the setup?

Gabriel!

Songwriters have been doing...

the verse-chorus thing forever.

lt's tired.

Be a maverick.

What's the function of a verse?

To kill time

till we get to the chorus.

During the verse, we wait.

We are waiting for the chorus.

Just give us what we want.

Chorus, chorus, chorus!

Oh, my God, there he is!

l'm sorry, Gabriel.

He's cuter.

What, is that--

My ex. Please let him see me.

Please let him see me.

-Come here.

-What--

Hey, how have you been?

Really great.

You got a haircut.

lt looks nice.

l don't want to interrupt.

Oh, no, you're not.

lt's nice to see you.

l'd like to talk to you

sometime.

Hi. l'm Mark.

How you doing?

l've been better.

You know, meeting this guy...

has been one of the luckiest

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