Trick Page #5

each other tonight?

Yeah. Can we make this

as fast as possible?

And you want to do each other?

Gabriel, how do you know

you can trust this guy?

You don't really know

a thing about him.

You're right.

l don't know him at all.

l think it's kind of a turn-on,

don't you?

Anonymous sex--

That's pretty hot.

Yeah, pretty hot.

Let's just look for the keys.

That's the great thing

about anonymous sex--

You can say

you're just about anyone...

and your partner can't disagree.

Do you want to see l.D.?

Well, l do.

Oh, you went to a Soonie school?

What'd you major in?

Journalism.

Well, his name's really Mark.

l don't see them.

When you know too much

about a person...

sometimes it's hard

to think of them sexually...

but when you know someone

only in a sexual way...

it's hard to think of them

as a person.

Can l have my wallet back?

l want to be

a sex counselor someday.

That's my dream.

Great.

You know, personally,

as a sexually active female...

l find the idea of two men

getting it on incredibly hot.

Are you sure they're here?

No, l'm not sure.

Can you stand still for a second

and let me explain?

You know what they say--

Everyone's bisexual to a degree.

But to a degree, everyone is.

There's this part in Paris

where everyone's bi--everyone.

There's no straight, no gay--

just bi...

and anyone who hasn't been

doesn't even know.

lt's great.

Have you ever been to Paris,

Gabriel?

l bet you have,

haven't you, Mark?

Can we just find the keys?

Ooh, it hasn't been

a very good night for someone.

You guys done yet?

We're looking!

Why are you so upset, Gabriel?

l'm not upset.

OK, l'm upset.

Do you want to talk about it?

Well, that's valid.

Mark?

l'm sorry.

We never should've gone

to that club.

You were kissing him.

Dino's this guy

l used to date...

and, actually,

he was kissing me...

but, technically, you're right,

and l'm sorry.

l don't usually go there

with anybody.

Especially not somebody l...

l don't know

what's happening tonight...

and l don't know

how you feel about me.

Gabriel,

l think now is a good time...

for you to verbalize

your feelings.

Why did you just leave?

Why didn't you say anything

to me?

l pay rent here, too, you know!

Gabriel, maybe Mark deserves

to know why you left...

without telling him.

l left because

of what the drag queen...

in the bathroom told me.

There was a drag queen

in the bathroom?

Here we go.

What did he say?

He said a lot,

but the gist of it...

was that tonight was

just a whole routine for you.

-What?

-Tonight.

lt was all lines.

''Oh, look at me.

l'm sleeping on the subway.''

l was tired.

You didn't have to stare.

This old lady--

l don't like bringing guys

back to my place.

And so what?

l was trying to pick you up.

Well, it worked.

Why is that such a problem?

Why were you listening to him?

l didn't have much of a choice.

-l slept with him one time.

-He mentioned that.

Did he also tell you

he videotaped it?

Oh, sh*t.

Yeah.

Without telling me.

And then right when

l'm about to, you know...

Orgasm?

Right. He tells me

to move into the light...

and l figured it out,

so l grabbed the tape...

and l got the f*** out of there.

Well, he didn't say that--

about the video--

but he said you left.

You know, this whole night

should've been over hours ago.

lt's gotten

way too complicated.

l just keep waiting

for the other shoe to drop...

because l know that you're

just going to dump me...

like you dumped

that Whiffenpoof.

What the hell is a Whiffenpoof?

A singer!

l feel stupid

spending this entire evening...

looking for a place

just to get off.

Oh, is that all we were doing?

That's all l was doing.

Really?

Definitely.

You know...

l know l picked you up

on the subway and all...

so l don't know why

you'd be any different than...

l don't know.

l thought there was

something more going on tonight.

And just for the record,

the Whiffenpoof dumped me.

Judy, your sheet slipped.

Aw, sh*t.

-Cover yourself.

-Would you lighten up?

Your titties are hanging out.

You know, in Europe,

breasts are breasts.

They're very natural

and beautiful things.

-Just--

-Would you let me be?

Put them away, Judy.

lt's not like anything

would've happened.

You're not in Paris anymore.

ls this the way you've been

acting the past six months?

Yes. For the past six months...

l've been

touring France topless.

And you want to know something?

Nobody seems to care.

Get over it, Rich.

-What are you doing, Judy?

-What does it look like?

Can't you see

l'm getting dressed?

l'm going home to

my grandmother's in Connecticut.

Look, here's the keys.

l knew you were different

when l saw your hairy armpits.

Judy found your keys.

Are you hungry?

Oh, my God, it's so hysterical

that you guys are here.

lsn't that hilarious?

French fries.

Thank you.

lt's really good you didn't come

to the show tonight.

We were really off.

You want some?

Anyway, the girl

playing John the Baptist--

horribly allergic to gladiolas--

Who knew?

So there's a chance

l might go on tomorrow night.

Didn't we order cheese fries?

Oh, yeah.

Should we tell her?

We're out of Thousand lsland.

l gave you Ranch.

Oh, well.

l have to tell you

about this really artsy party...

this French-Canadian girl

in my acting class threw.

Everyone there, they wrote,

like, poems or novellas.

So this one college guy--

He was Asian--

He gets up with this little

leatherette portfolio...

with a satin ribbon to tie it,

and he's going to read poetry.

But before he starts reading...

he tell us about his fascination

with the human body.

But he says what

fascinates him even more...

is what comes out

of the human body.

l know l'm lactose intolerant...

but l really wish

these had cheese on them.

Anyway, evidently,

he's tasted everything...

that's come out

of his body except sh*t...

and he says he'll probably

taste that one day, too.

And then he reads

a poem about sh*t...

so l'm thinking,

this guy really likes sh*t.

But then he keeps reading,

and he reads seventeen poems...

all about sh*t.

Seventeen. l'm not kidding.

And he's talking about

the smells and the colors--

Gabe, can you pass me

the ketchup?

l was so relieved

when he got tired of reading.

Then this ethnic woman

stands up.

She was Native American

or Filipino. l can't tell.

She didn't have a poem

to read...

so she tells us about a problem

she's having--this sex problem.

She said there's some force...

that's just making her

screw around all the time.

Now all these guys

are after her...

and, l mean, she's not

what l would call sexy.

Not that l'm into women, but

l can tell when a woman's sexy.

l mean, it's not that

she was a skank or anything.

She just wasn't what l would

call sexy, that's all.

Anyway--This is really funny--

l drank so much homemade

rose hip iced tea...

that l really had to pee

in the middle of her story.

So l go to the bathroom...

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