Tripping The Rift: The Movie Page #3

Long live our drag queen!

Hip-hip hurray!

What a bunch of ingrates!

Hello?

Bob? You better be calling me to

tell me the transporter's fixed!

I don't want to be doing

choreography for the rest of my days.

Great!

Beam Six and T'nuk aboard and

the rest of us down to Terra.

I've still got a raunchy

birthday bash to organize.

Sign off.

I'm looking for Chode.

He just took off.

But if you know him,

you must be as big

an a**hole as he is.

What are you looking at?

You better not be having

one of your oral fantasies.

I'm merely trying to understand

how you can eat that garbage.

I hear it contains rat parts.

Chef Gay-ar-dee,

on this planet,

baseball fans eat millions

of hot dogs every week,

and that's good enough for me.

Besides, they say rat

parts make you smart.

Then please explain why Pittsburgh

Pirates fans keep showing up.

Yeah, or how come you

couldn't figure out

La Cage aux Poofter

was a gay bar.

I told you, I thought Poofter

was foreign for snatch-a-roosky.

I don't know why you didn't rent that

place. It looked perfectly fine to me.

What? Fine. Excuse me if I don't

go into why I'm not surprised.

I'll just repeat, no birthday bash of

mine is going to be held in a gay bar.

Get off your soapbox.

It's not even your birthday.

Yeah, but my guests

don't know that.

They also don't know they'll

have to cough up for parking,

admission, exorbitant

prices for the booze

and oh, did I mention my little

credit card scam on the side?

Baby!

I'm going to be

rolling in dough.

What makes you think

they'll even show up?

Well, because I

come up with a hook.

Hey, check that place out!

I don't know, Uncle Chode.

That looks a little gay, too.

Yeah, then why don't you drop your pants

and stick your ass through the door.

If you haven't squealed in 30

seconds, the joint's straight.

Okay, let's go. The sooner

we get this over, the better.

Relax. We got all night.

Yeah.

Why are you calling?

Something wrong on the ship?

No, I just miss you, that's all, you

hunka hunk of burning testosterone.

Where are you?

Have you been sniffing

the ship's fumes?

Don't be a silly-Billy.

I'm just feeling

a little horny.

Thought you might like to know

what I have in store for you.

Yeah?

That thing with your tongue.

What? You're gonna put

your index finger where?

How wonderful.

His mother never

forgets to call.

Hey, Six, I'm gonna be

back as soon as I can.

I just gotta check out this

high... hair night club...

Move it, you two!

We haven't got all night!

Did you hear what that

f***ing Pinocchio said?

BUY ONE, GET ONE FOR FREE

Yeah, the f***ing streets

ain't safe for decent people no more.

Okay, it's a deal, Gloria.

I'll pay you 10% of the

take next Saturday night

in exchange for the room

and your bartending services.

Yeah.

No guessing why this place is

called the High Hair Nightclub.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

What a loser!

Her head looks like an

explosion in a mattress factory.

I like it. Her 'do is

reminiscent of Flock of Seagulls.

Yeah, and a flock of

seagulls could nest in it.

Gus, you're in charge of

designing the party invitations.

Include a drawing for

a 5-meter surround sound

TV door prize,

a/k/a, the hook.

Whip, you e-mail the

invites to everybody we know

except that f***ing clown Bobo.

I've had it with that bastard.

Geez, that was painful.

I warned you about that hot

dog, but would you listen?

"You went down for me. I'll

go down for you. Phone 555..."

Where's that pencil?

Damn faulty toilet.

Jesus Christ, what a dump.

Then wiggle your bum

like you're pulling up

a pair of underpants.

Like this?

Hey, the light bulb in the can just

blew, and your crapper exploded.

I'll need them

fixed for the party.

Cool it, you two.

The So You Think

You Can Dance tryouts

aren't till next week.

Hey, Six. Mission accomplished.

Get us out of here.

I'm sorry, sir.

I didn't...

Geez.

You'll be beaming to

Fabula 7, no doubt.

Fabula 7?

The all fruit... gay planet.

No! Transport me to Jupiter 42.

Jupiter 42? That's a private ship.

You got permission?

Permission?

I ain't allowed to transport

anybody to a private address

unless they've got

written permission.

Sorry, Shirley.

I'll be back.

Hey, what's your

f***ing problem?

I'll be back.

What? I didn't know docking with the mother

ship wasconsidered incest, Your Honor.

I'm com... I'm coming!

That was wonderful, Chode.

The best ever.

Yeah, well. I really prepared

myself for tonight's session.

You must be looking for Gus.

He's the second door

down on the left.

You must be looking for Gus.

He's down the hall on the right.

Push me around, will ya?

Ya f***in' clown!

Chode, that clown looks insane.

Let's get out of...

Run!

Run! There's a psycho

trying to kill us!

Us or you?

Could you be more specific?

I need my beauty rest.

Let me through!

I've got more to live for!

I haven't even had oral sex yet!

T'nuk! As your captain,

I order you to the back.

There's no way he can shoot me

if your fat ass is in the way.

Since you asked so nicely,

get out of my f***ing way!

Hold your fire!

Does anyone hear anything?

Sorry. The hot dog.

Oh my. That thing, whatever

it is, is unstoppable.

What are we going to do?

I've been giving it some thought.

This is no time to fall apart.

We go back a long way.

If we stick together we'll

get through this okay.

Well, that's a really

nice sentiment, T'nuk.

I wasn't talking to you, dumb ass.

I was about to suggest we

hand you over to the psycho

so the rest of us can live.

Hey! How do you know

it's me he's after?

First he blasts your bed,

then he tries to

kill you in Six' room.

Who do you think he's after?

Six? Jealous lover?

Chode, you've programmed

me not to do clowns.

Yeah, but you're an exception.

Okay, so it might be me he's after,

but if it was one of you,

I'd stick by you

no matter what.

Chode!

Chode, we must

get off the ship.

I don't get it.

A bulletproof

clown on steroids

tries to kill us.

Now you show up

wearing ass floss.

What the hell's going on?

Firstly, I accept your

thanks for saving your life.

And secondly, what's going on

involves Chode, not you.

Firstly, thanks.

And secondly,

you better talk, or I'll

tear you a new a**hole.

Can we try and survive

now and talk later?

To the transporter room!

Now what?

I'm gonna get my

ass to the shuttle.

But the others!

Hey, it's not them

the thing is after.

Right now, it's

every man for himself.

Have I ever told

you you're my hero?

Yahoo! We did it!

We gave that crazy

motherf***er the slip!

Beam me back down!

No parla ingles, Monsieur.

Beamez-moi en port!

Merde!

Hello? Mom? Can

you hear me? Hello!

Nothing. It must have been

damaged when we landed.

Do you have your communicator?

No. You?

No. I left it

on my nightstand.

What kind of idiot leaves his

ship without his communicator?

Don't rag on me, Chode.

What with dismembered

princesses,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes