Tropic Thunder Page #5

Simple Jack, yeah.

You went all out on that one, huh?

You did.

Really swung for the fences, huh?

Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.

Yeah, it was an intense experience,

you know.

I just did the work.

Watched a lot of retarded people.

Spent time with them. Observed them.

Watched all the retarded stuff they did.

Then again,

I always found mere observation

in and of itself is a tad rudimentary.

Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper

to mine the true emotional pay dirt.

Thus, we can diagram the source

of the pain and then live it, you know.

Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly.

You know, there were times

when I was doing Jack

that I actually felt retarded,

- like really retarded.

- Oh, yeah.

I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded,

- I rode the bus retarded.

- Damn.

In a weird way,

I had to sort of just free myself up

to believe that it was okay

to be stupid or dumb.

- To be a moron.

- Yeah.

- To be moronical.

- Exactly, to be a moron.

- An imbecile.

- Yeah.

Like the dumbest motherf***er

that ever lived.

When I was playing the character.

- When you was the character.

- Yeah, as Jack, definitely.

Jack, stupid ass Jack.

Trying to come back from that.

In a weird way it was almost like

I had to sort of fool my mind

into believing that it wasn't retarded,

and by the end of the whole thing,

I was like,

"Wait a minute, I flushed so much out,

how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?"

- It's just like... Right?

- Yeah.

You was farting in bathtubs

and laughing your ass off.

Yeah.

But Simple Jack thought he was smart,

or rather, didn't think he was retarded,

so you can't afford to play retarded,

being a smart actor.

Playing a guy who ain't smart

but thinks he is,

- that's tricky.

- Tricky.

It's like working with mercury.

It's high science, man. It's an art form.

- Yeah.

- You an artist.

- That's what we do, right? Yeah.

- Yeah.

Hats off for going there,

especially knowing how

the Academy is about that sh*t.

- About what?

- You're serious? You don't know?

Everybody knows

you never go full retard.

- What do you mean?

- Check it out.

Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked

retarded, act retarded, not retarded.

Count toothpicks, cheat at cards.

Autistic, sure. Not retarded.

Then you got Tom Hanks,

Forrest Gump.

Slow, yes, retarded, maybe,

braces on his legs.

But he charmed the pants off Nixon,

and he won a Ping-Pong competition.

That ain't retarded.

And he was a goddamn war hero.

You know any retarded war heroes?

You went full retard, man.

Never go full retard.

You don't buy that?

Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.

Remember? Went full retard?

Went home empty-handed.

Oh, my God! Holy sh*t!

Good job, turd. You killed the director.

No, that's impossible, man.

I rigged the whole tree line,

and this is here.

- He must have missed his mark.

- Missed his mark?

Yeah, this isn't me.

Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard

and get back to the hotel.

- You're in a world of hurt, dumbo!

- We're in a world of hurt!

- You're in trouble.

- This isn't just on me!

- We're in a... We're together on this.

- Bullshit.

You're just gonna run away.

You're gonna leave.

What happened to,

"No man left behind," okay?

Just wait, just wait! Listen!

Listen, okay?

- I don't wanna hear it.

- Let me just be real with you, all right?

I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis

on Freaky Friday, okay?

This sh*t will f***ing ruin me!

- Just get off me! You're pathetic.

- No, I'm not.

- Get off me!

- You are not going back!

- What the f***?

- Now wait a minute.

So, what?

We're just supposed to keep walking?

Try to stay in character.

Remember, we're on camera.

This thing's too heavy.

I want the rubber one

that the prop guy gave me.

Where's the f***ing prop guy?

How's it going with that map, chief?

- Can I have a look at it?

- I got it.

Yeah, Damien gave it to me,

remember?

Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- I got it.

- You got it upside down.

Thank you.

Letters go one way

and the numbers another.

Dude, I'm trying to...

I got your back, man.

- Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool.

- You are?

Is your character dyslexic?

- No, my character's not dyslexic.

- So you a cartographer.

I'm tired, I want to go home.

Why, so you can get back and make

Fatties:
Fart 20, or some sh*t?

It's Fatties:
Fart Two, there's no... Hey,

you wish you had a Fatties franchise.

- What?

- It's Fatties:
Fart Two.

- Yeah, you do.

- I don't want no Fatties franchise,

- I got a diamond toilet.

- Your stupid-ass commercials.

You're all f***ed up, man,

you look tired.

You look like you bumped your head

or something,

so I came over to see

if you're f***ing all right, that's all.

- Yeah, why don't you get on point?

- I'm on point right here.

...my farts

are f***ing more beautiful than...

You still got that sh*t upside down.

The numbers help, man, the numbers...

The letters go across the top

and then the numbers.

- Want the map?

- Yeah, I want the f***ing map.

Well, you can't have it,

'cause Damien gave it me.

You wish you had my farts,

my farts are f***ing music.

All right. That's enough.

Everybody's obviously a little bushed

from all this humping.

So take a chow break. Chow break!

But stay alert.

Remember, Charlie don't care

if you're on break or not.

All right, that's lunch. Coming back

to the same scene afterwards,

"Lost in the goddamn jungle."

Captain Simple Jack.

F*** you.

I f***ing hate movies.

This is bullshit.

I don't wanna be in this shitty movie.

No! That's my jellybeans! No!

Kid, grab the bat! Please! Sh*t!

- Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut.

- You go to hell! There he is.

God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?

You little piece of sh*t!

I'm gonna f***ing rip your wings off!

Sanducci. Hold up, man,

keep it on the down-low.

I don't really gotta piss.

I'm trying to talk at you, man.

Bait, I need bait.

You went to boot camp, right?

You can read a map?

Yeah, I think so.

I know Speedman

got everyone convinced we out here

making Planet of the Apes on YouTube

or some sh*t, but I don't buy it.

You wanna step on a real landmine?

You wanna die?

You wanna get shot

by a real motherf***er?

- Keep looking ahead, man.

- No, of course not.

Trying to get home, man.

Got a big job coming up next year.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes

Booth when they were both young.

- Oh, wow!

- Yeah.

- That's a classy picture.

- Dude, you kind of look like Abe.

Slap a beard on you.

- What's your f***ing name?

- Really? It's Kevin.

- Kevin Sandusky.

- Yeah.

If I can put that map in your hands,

can I count on you?

- Well, yeah, I guess you can.

- Dynamite. I'm out.

That smelled just like bologna

for some reason.

Is anyone gonna f***ing help me

get this f***ing thing?

Why are they even out in the daytime?

I'm gonna level with you, bro.

I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.

Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.

He's way out on a limb

with this character,

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