Tropic Thunder Page #8

and get a f***ing binding resolution

to keep me from f***ing destroying you.

I am talking scorched earth,

motherf***er!

I will massacre you!

I will f*** you up!

- Could you find out who that was? Go.

- Yeah. Yeah.

You wear these.

More like Simple Jack teeth.

Okay.

Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan,

and that's great...

Put teeth in!

Now do movie.

The whole movie?

I can't. I don't know the whole...

You perform! You perform or die!

Monkey swine!

Pa.

More stupid!

Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad?

You saw what I saw.

Tugg Speedman is dead meat

if we don't do something soon.

Yeah. We could do something

by getting our asses back to the hotel,

which is in the other direction!

Ain't right.

What would've happened

in The Great Escape

if Steve McQueen and them dudes

had turned tail and ran?

Well, that's what that movie was about.

They were escaping. They ran away.

I'm trying to agree with you.

The point is they did something.

Then what are we supposed to do, huh?

'Cause he's cleaning a gun

with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan.

I'm just like a little boy,

playing with his dick when he's nervous.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I got an idea.

This might be a little crazy.

Crazy's better than nothing.

Back in '98, I did a low-budget

titty comedy for Skinemax.

- Sex Camp. Remember it?

- Yeah.

Anyway, me and the campers

from the uncool camp

had to break into the rich girl camp.

So, what we did,

we built a catapult

out of logs and underwear,

and they shot us over the wall,

and we parachuted down.

Look,

you guys, we already know the plan.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

I'm giving you gold.

We do it just like in the book,

Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive.

The book of Tropic Thunder.

Yeah, did you guys read the book?

The flap, I read the back flap

and saw the pictures.

Well, it's okay.

It's exactly the same as in the script.

Cool.

You guys all read the script, right?

I don't read the script, script reads me.

What the hell does that even mean?

What you getting at with the books,

scripts? Spit that sh*t out, man!

All right. The Wet Offensive.

Osiris and Fats go undercover

as a diversion.

Osiris and Fats go undercover

as a diversion.

Motown and Brooklyn sneak in

via the river.

Yeah. But those dudes

was trained soldiers.

Yeah!

And we trained actors, motherf***er.

Time to man up.

And I ain't gonna sugarcoat.

Some of us

might not even make it back.

What do you mean?

Like not on the same flight?

Alpa and I's already wearing

earth mama's natural night camo.

- Cool it, Benson.

- Sorry.

We gonna scout, get a plan together.

We ain't back in 20, come looking.

We are Flaming Dragon.

Okay.

Flaming Dragon's

a heroin manufacturer.

They're responsible

for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia.

- Huge profit margin.

- Guys!

Would somebody please let me know

what the game plan is?

Peck! We have it handled.

Please, don't interrupt.

Everything's under control.

I got it. Got it.

- Les Grossman.

- We not get money yet.

Price now 100 million!

You pay now,

or tomorrow Simple Jack die.

Great. Let me get this down.

Wait! I got a better idea.

Instead of 100 million,

how about I send you

a hobo's dick cheese?

Then you kill him! Do your thing!

Skin the f***ing bastard!

Go to town, man! Go to town!

- No...

- In the meantime, and as usual,

go f*** yourself!

- No.

- We don't negotiate with terrorists.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, hey, are you insane?

- I think I could've done that better.

- I thought it was good.

They're gonna kill him!

And?

"And?"

It's a cold, hard world. Sh*t happens.

We'll weep for him, in the press.

Set up a scholarship in his name.

Eventually, and I'm talking way,

way down the road,

we file an insurance claim.

Preferably before

the end of the fiscal year.

Actually, the claim alone would net us

more than the movie would lose.

You can't be serious.

You kick in the door to my house,

all ants in your pants,

sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap

for the third runner-up

Sexiest Man Alive 1998,

and you're asking if I'm serious?

Let's face it.

The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher

for Purim anymore.

Speedman is a dying star,

a white dwarf heading for a black hole.

That's physics. It's inevitable.

We've been handed

an incredible opportunity here, Peck.

The universe is talking to us right now.

You just gotta listen.

See, this is the good part, Pecker.

This is when the job gets fun.

Yeah.

Ask and you shall receive.

- All right.

- You play ball, we play ball.

I know you want the goodies.

Welcome to the goody room.

You paying attention?

'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker.

That's how you're gonna roll.

No more frequent flier

b*tch miles for my boy.

Yeah!

Playa.

Playa!

Big dick playa.

Swinging past your knees!

Big dick, baby.

Yep.

Or you can grow a conscience

in the next five minutes

and see where that takes you.

Let me get this straight.

You want me

to let my client of 15 years,

one of my best friends,

die in the jungle, alone,

for some money and a G5?

Yes.

A G5 airplane?

Yes.

And lots of money.

Playa.

Yeah!

Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!

But Mama take care of Jack a lot.

How many more sleeps

before she wakes up again?

Sorry, Jack.

She in heaven now.

Damn! I thought the movie was bad.

She sleep forever.

To the man's credit, he's actually

eased up on the retard throttle.

And now that's added a balance,

and the audience can connect.

I mean, this is Theater 101,

but, you know, he's had a tough road.

He'll become a naturalist.

- Yeah.

- Break down the aesthetic distance,

then the...

Told you I'd tag you back.

Can I tell you that I'm sorry

for any offense I might've caused, man?

- I just got caught up in...

- In being a dumbass?

I guess so.

Why you still doing this

Chicken George sh*t, I have no idea.

- Neither do I.

- It's beyond me.

- It's beyond me.

- You confused.

- I am a little confused.

- I know.

But are we cool?

Not really.

Hey, man.

- How's it going?

- Good. Yourself?

Hey, so, if it's no big deal,

I think I'm just gonna hang back here

for the mission.

Watch the stuff.

- Is that cool?

- What? No!

We need you, Jeff.

What are you talking about?

Okay, look, man.

- I got something to tell you.

- Okay.

You know those jellybeans

I was eating?

Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?

- They were drugs.

- Really?

I get down there near the mother lode,

I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man.

I'm gonna f***ing do all the heroin

in the f***ing world.

If you guys wanna make it through

this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree.

And you can, no matter what, you can't

f***ing untie me until it is done,

until it is out of my system.

I'm gonna say,

"Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool.

"I'm finally better. I'm finally better.

Untie me."

Don't listen to me!

Anything I f***ing say is a lie!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes