True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet Page #3

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- Help me.

- Morgan, you're strong.

Come on, Sam!

Okay, everyone, let's get started

by welcoming our newcomers

and having them make

a brief introduction.

Hi.

My name is Morgan,

and I'm an alcoholic.

AII:
Hi, Morgan.

Morgan:

I had one line, and I blew it.

Claudia, I'm sorry.

Morgan is actually a nickname

and, you know, Claudia's on

my birth certificate and everything,

so call me Claudia.

AII:
Hi, Claudia.

Morgan's voice:

I was sure one of the two twins

was going to scream out

my true identity...

I've been sober

for 121 days.

...but they didn't.

No one screamed anything.

Thank you, Claudia.

Okay, so is there anyone

this evening

who is ready to receive-

Morgan's voice:

I needed a drink.

And I needed to talk

to Marissa,

but Sam and Bianca said no.

Morgan:
It's a stupid rule.

I should be able to talk to my friend.

There must be

a reason for it.

Morgan:
I'm not supposed to have

contact yet with those who enabled me.

Yeah, be carefuI. I had friends

like that. They're called enemies.

Marissa is my best friend.

You do your own nails?

Yeah. I could do yours.

No, I have people

who come to the house.

We're back live from the red carpet,

and here we have Marissa DahI.

Oh my God. Speaking of-

that's her right now. Turn it up.

Marissa, how are you doing?

You look great. I have a question here.

I have been hearing that you've

been cast as the new Aqua GirI.

- Marissa:
I can't believe it.

- Neither can I.

I mean, I'm really just

in such shock.

I grew up reading Aqua GirI,

and now I get to be her.

Word is you beat out

Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Everybody wanted the part.

- I mean, who wouldn't, right?

- ( beeping )

- Man:
Enjoy your night.

- Marissa:
Thank you.

- Marissa!

- Man:
This is not Marissa.

- Who is this?

- This is her assistant Troy.

- Who is this?

- This is Claudia- this is Morgan.

Troy:
She doesn't know

any Claudia Morgan.

I want to talk to Marissa.

Troy:
Okay, can I tell her

what this is regarding?

Morgan:

I'll call her back.

That was her assistant.

Since when does she have

an assistant?

I have ice cream.

No, I am not becoming

a junk-food addict like you.

( sighs )

What are you doing?

I am throwing out

these horrifying clothes!

Unlike you,

I take immediate action.

And unlike you, I donate.

Here, tell you what:

why don't you just take out the trash?

You want me

to take out the trash?

Yes.

At home, when my assistant

put out my trash,

the paparazzi would go through it.

This is why God invented shredders.

And that's the nice thing

about living here.

Your trash is safe.

Grasp the little yellow handles,

cinch to close, pull,

remove to curbside.

Funny.

Ah! I hate this.

Marissa's a star,

and I am taking out the trash.

It's so unfair.

You ride.

You take out the trash?

It's my favorite.

Very nice bike.

So you read Shakespeare,

you get A's

and you ride a vintage Harley.

It's not mine.

I fix 'em.

You're a mechanic?

Yeah, I also detaiI.

You're like "American Chopper"

meets "Monster Garage. "

What's that,

code for something?

Reality TV.

Oh. I don't watch reality TV.

You don't watch reality TV?

Nope, I read.

Morgan's voice:
Okay,

stop me here, but mechanics are hot.

- See ya.

- Later.

Morgan's voice:
He reads.

He fixes stuff.

He's like a Renaissance man.

The internet- the only place

where Morgan Carter

exists these days.

Maybe Perez can help solve

my current existentiaI crisis,

or at least remind me

of who I used to be.

"Dead?"

They think I'm dead.

Well, my career is totally dead,

which I guess in Hollywood

is the same thing.

Hello.

- Hey, you hungry?

- No.

- Where's your dog?

- What?

Uh, the screensaver. Dogs.

Oh, yeah,

he took the dog.

Bye-bye.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, we had a cute dog trainer.

The dog was badly trained.

Now I know why.

So what are you saying, your husband

left you for a dog trainer?

Yeah.

- Now I get to ask you a question.

- Okay.

When did you start drinking?

Hmm...

I don't even remember starting,

but I just really liked the feeling,

so I didn't wanna stop.

I'm really sorry for the things

I said earlier and my behavior-

No- hey, it's a big,

loud world, sweetheart.

It's already forgotten.

I wish everything was.

Huh.

I'm really tired.

I'm gonna go to sleep.

Okay.

Good night.

We all know how

reality bites

And sticks its claws down deep

in your brain...

- Next!

- Morgan's voice: I paid for my lunch,

which gave me a ridiculous sense

of accomplishment.

How pathetic is that?

I'm a new girI

In a big world

It's amazing

It's so crazy

I'm a new girI,

I'm the new girI...

So what did you write about

for film class?

Oh, "Something About Mary. "

I compared the musicaI narration

to the narratives

- in Shakespeare's play.

- Perfect. He'll hate it.

- This is my sister Emily.

- Oh.

Hi. Claudia, right?

I saw you when you registered.

You signed up for volleyball.

It was the only sport left.

Yeah, I've got it too.

We're the only non-Amazons.

- Are you serious?

- So did you just move here?

Morgan's voice:

Finally, a chance to use the backstory

- I made up on the plane.

- I moved from New York.

I'm living

with my Aunt Trudy.

I kind of fell in

with the wrong crowd at my old schooI.

- Has anyone read chapter eight yet?

- I read the book.

He finishes all

his assignments early.

Leaves more time for life.

Morgan:
Life?

There isn't even a club in this town.

So what's fun

to do around here?

- Boy:
Hey, Eli!

- Lots of stuff.

You just gotta know

where to look. What up?

So are you liking Hillhaven?

It's bigger

than my last schooI.

There's a lot more kids,

so I'm just-

I'm getting used to that.

( indistinct conversations )

Aren't you a little young

to be divorced?

Divorced? No, I'm-

This is my niece Claudia. She's staying

with me for a little while.

Hi, Claudia.

This is my women's

divorce support group,

but most of them come

because they like my satellite dish.

Sad but true.

- There's more drinks in the kitchen.

- Okay.

- She's adorable.

- Yeah, she is.

- She's a doll.

- Cute as a button.

Okay, so anyone wanna talk

about their divorce?

- Not really.

- No.

- Once again, no. Okay.

- ( click )

I hope this isn't

the Angelina Jolie one.

I've seen it twice.

If Angelina stole my husband,

I'd think it was an act of God.

Dayna Devon on TV:

... "Girls Gone Wild" 24/7.

We all know Britney.

We all know Lindsay and Nicole.

Here we go again.

Is Morgan Carter

the latest train wreck?

When you're Morgan Carter,

the paparazzi catches your every move...

- Where are these people's parents?

- Devon:
She may be only 17,

but that doesn't mean

she can't party like a rock star.

She really knows how

to mix things up to keep it exciting,

- and then...

- Excuse me!

...there was that life-changing

night outside the club.

Morgan on TV:

Dude, get a life! Get a life!

Get a life!

You make me sick!

Morgan, Morgan, wake up.

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