Trump: The Art of the Insult Page #5

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And that's why I'm

proud to introduce to you

the next president of the

United States, Donald Trump.

He is Lyin' Ted, but you

have to spell it right.

L Y I N, apostrophe, Lyin' Ted.

Lyin' Ted, Lyin' Ted, Lyin' Ted.

Right now today as a candidate,

he supports federal

tax payer funding

for Planned Parenthood.

I disagree with him on that.

That's a matter of principle.

You are the single

biggest liar, you probably

are worse than Jeb Bush.

You are the single biggest liar.

L Y I N, apostrophe.

He's Lyin Ted, and you

know, that's his name.

And I think, frankly,

that name has stuck.

He'll say, Donald Trump

wants to absolutely

get rid of the second amendment.

We're gonna protect

our second amendment.

This guy.

Why do you lie?

Adults learn not

to interrupt each other.

Excuse me, I've given

my answer, Lyin' Ted,

I've given my answer.

The evangelicals are on my side.

They don't like liars.

Evangelicals do not like liars.

The Bible held high,

he puts it down,

and then he lies.

Comes here with a Bible.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Heavenly father,

we come to you today

in a spirit of Thanksgiving.

Yes, father.

Bible high, Bible high.

He walks in with the

Bible held high, right?

I've met a lot tougher

people than him,

but I never met a guy

that lied as much.

This guy's a choke artist,

and this guy's a liar.

He can't do it for

the obvious reason,

and he can't do it because

Here's the typical

thing he does.

He doesn't know

how to tell the truth.

He puts the Bible down.

Puts it down.

He puts the Bible down.

And then he lies.

And then he lies.

Lyin' Ted Cruz, we

know Lyin' Ted, right?

He'll say, I'm the only

one that beat Donald Trump.

I beat him, I beat him.

But he doesn't say,

yeah, he won like four,

and I won like 12 or 13, right?

Nobody likes him.

I've never seen a guy like this.

In fact.

Lyin' Ted, Lyin'

Ted, Lyin' Ted, Lyin' Ted,

Lyin' Ted, Lyin' Ted, Lyin'

Ted, Lyin' Ted, Lyin' Ted.

Have we branded

this guy, or what?

What's your name?

My name's Lyin' Ted Cruz.

I see him walking through

these beautiful carters

in Washington and a guy

said, hey Lyin' Ted,

how you doing?

After we win, we gotta

get that name off his,

you know, who wants to

go around with that name?

L Y I N, with a

little apostrophe.

Bing.

Who's gonna pay for the wall?

Mexico.

Mexico.

I've never done that before.

That's actually cute.

10 years ago, everybody

wanted the wall.

The democrats, the republicans.

You know, one of the reasons

they couldn't get it?

Environmental impact statements.

There were toads.

And then they say, you

can't build a wall.

It's too big.

Well, 3,000 years ago, the

Great Wall of China was built.

We'd like to have that wall.

That wall, nobody gets through.

That I can tell you.

I will build a better wall,

and I will build it for cheaper,

and Mexico will pay, if

that's your next question.

Yeah, how do you

get Mexico to pay?

Because they are

whipping us left and right.

Maybe someday they're gonna

call it the Trump Wall, maybe.

So I have to make sure

it's beautiful, right?

Build that

wall, build that wall.

We will build the wall,

and Mexico will

pay for the wall.

So I get a call from one

of the reporters yesterday.

And they said, the

president of Mexico said.

I'm not gonna pay for that wall.

We will never pay

for the, F bomb, wall.

I said, oh, the poor guy, he's

gonna get killed tomorrow.

In the papers,

nobody mentioned it.

He should pay for it.

He's got the money.

Got any message for the

former president of Mexico?

Yeah, get your money ready,

'cause you're gonna

pay for the wall.

Who's gonna pay for the wall?

Mexico.

Mexico.

We'll never pay for that wall.

The press calls up.

Do you have a comment?

I said yes, tell

him that the wall

just got 10 feet taller, okay?

Tell him that.

You ready?

Who's gonna pay for the wall?

Mexico.

Mexico.

And Mexico's gonna

pay for the wall,

because he knows

Mexico needs the US

when it comes to trade, just

the way US needs Mexico.

I have to say, we're

mad, I am not going

to pay for that wall, I am not.

So that wall is

getting taller with

every interview these

ex-Mexican presidents do.

Getting taller and taller.

Donald, that

Mexico will never pay

for that wall.

The wall just

got 10 feet taller.

Every single time, gets 10

feet taller, it goes up.

Goes up up up.

10 feet higher.

All these other characters

say, oh, they won't pay,

they won't pay,

because they don't know

the first thing about

how to negotiate.

Trust me, Mexico

will pay for it.

If the Mexicans

don't pay for the wall,

will you start a

trade war with Mexico?

Well, you know, I

don't mind trade wars

when we're losing 58

billion dollars a year.

You wanna know the truth.

Once a choker, always a choker.

Is that true?

Once a choker, always a choker.

I watched a meltdown like

I've never ever seen.

And it was Chris

grilling Marco Rubio.

And let's dispel,

once and for all,

with this fiction

that Barack Obama

doesn't know what he's doing.

He knows exactly

what he's doing.

This guy was sweating so badly.

He was sweating.

Honestly, it was disgusting.

But I would add this.

Let's dispel with this

fiction that Barack Obama

doesn't know what he's doing.

He knows exactly

what he's doing.

And then it went a third time,

a fourth time, and a fifth time.

And I was ready to

grab him because

I thought he was going down.

This notion that

Barack Obama doesn't know

what he's doing

is just not true.

There it is.

He knows exactly

what he's doing.

There it is, the

memorized 25 second speech.

And that was one of

the epic meltdowns.

He didn't know where he was.

I thought he was gonna die.

Good going, Chris.

Anyone who believes

that Barack Obama

isn't doing what he's

doing on purpose,

doesn't understand what

we're dealing with here.

He's a choke artist, he chokes.

And I was standing

right next to him.

I look over, I

say, are you okay?

I mean, he was, it looked like

he just came out

of a swimming pool.

He was soaking wet.

Marco is not a negotiator.

I watched him melt down,

and I'll tell you it was one of

the saddest things

I've ever seen.

When you're a choker,

you're always a choker.

We can't have that.

We can't take any

chances in this country.

You had to see him backstage.

He was putting on

makeup with a trowel.

He says that I'm

sweating all the time.

It's hot in here,

am I sweating now?

I will not say that he was

trying to cover up his ears.

I will not say that.

And he's over here, and I

see him starting to sweat.

Thank God he has

really large ears.

The biggest ears I've ever seen.

Because they were

protecting him.

He's always calling

me little Marco.

And I'll admit, the guy,

he's taller than me.

He's like six two, which

is why I don't understand

why his hands are the size

of someone who's five two.

Have you seen his hands?

He hit my hands.

Nobody has ever hit my hands.

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