Tucker and Dale vs Evil Page #5

What is the matter with us?

- Hold him steady.

- Yeah.

Wait. Stop...

I've never stood so close

to pure evil before.

- It kind of stinks.

- It was supposed to be 24-hour protection...

OK! Don't...

No, look, I know you kids are having fun,

but I am not a thrill-seeker!

It's payback time, hillbilly.

Payback... All right, look.

Just let me go... Just let me go.

I can get my cooler.

Hey, I got 10 to 12 beers in there.

They're yours.

They're on ice right now, man!

- This is for Mike!

- No!

OW! You prick.

- Dale?

- Allison.

How are you feelin'?

- A little fuzzy.

- Yeah.

Wha...

What happ...

- What happened?

- Oh...

Well, uh...

I can't...

I can't really say.

Um...

It was so awful.

Oh, my God.

I'm embarrassed. I'm sorry.

- I can't cry in front of a girl, God damn it.

- That's OK.

It's good to cry sometimes.

It's OK, just...

Just let it out. It's OK, all right?

There you go. It'll feel better.

Come on, just take a deep breath.

There we go. Now...

Now tell me what happened.

Well...it's hard to say.

Um...

Your friends...

Do some of your friends take medication?

- Why?

- Because I think they forgot to take it.

What are you talking about?

What... Where are they?

They're out there somewhere right now

tryin' to kill my best friend...and my dog.

- I don't understand what you're talking...

- I know.

It doesn't make any sense.

That's what the truth is.

It's like all your friends just

decided to go nuts all at the same time.

The last thing I remember, I saw...

I saw Chad and...

and then Todd was running at us, and...

- Oh, my God.

- I know.

At first I thought they

were trying to kill you,

and then they started killing themselves

and then they tried to kill us,

and now they're going after my dog...

..Jangers.

I guess they just like killing.

No, there must be some kind of mistake.

My friends would never hurt anyone.

Jesus, they're here!

They're not gonna stop till they kill

all of us, I'm telling you. Hide!

Dale, it's OK. Nobody wants to hurt you.

- Die, hillbilly!

- It sure sounds like someone does.

I'm gonna go talk to them, OK?

Just stay there.

- What? No, no.

- It's all just a big misunderstanding.

We'll clear it right up, OK?

Allison, don't go out there!

You don't know what it's like out there.

Oh, my God.

- Ugh!

- Allison!

Oh!

Did you see them?

- No.

- No?

That's from Tucker's shirt.

What is that?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

They cut off his bowlin' fingers!

There's a note right there.

"Now we got your friend. Try and get him!"

Dale, how...

how long was I out for?

A few hours.

I don't understand what...

I gotta go help Tucker.

God damn it.

My best friend needs me.

I'm gonna get these kids.

- Wait. We don't want to escalate things.

- We don't want to escalate things?

No. They must have thought

you were trying to harm me.

Oh, and why would they think that?

I... I don't know.

I think you do know.

Well, when we first saw you guys

back at that store...

we just thought that you looked...

a little creepy.

I was nervous.

I don't know how to talk to girls, and I...

Dale, I know that now, but we didn't then.

You thought I looked

like some kind of freak.

We misjudged you, Dale. I...

I'm really sorry.

Don't be sorry. It's my fault.

I should have known that if

a guy like me talked to a girl like you,

somebody'd end up dead.

Dale, it's... Dale, it's not like that.

If you do see your friends...

tell 'em that I never

wanted to hurt anybody.

Dale, Dale, stop. Wait. No...

Don't go there.

Oh, sh*t.

Tucker!

Tucker, you cut there?

Tuck!

Oh, goddamn stupid college kids.

Tucker!

- Dale!

- I'm comin' for you, buddy!

Tucker?!

Yeah.

Tuck! Tucker!

- Dale...

- Hey!

- Tucker.

- Dale, it's a trap.

- It's a what?

- It's a trap.

What?

Oh, no. Oh, no! Tuck, no!

I don't wanna die! Please!

Oh, God! Tucker!

Dale...

Oh. Oh... Oh...

I never thought I'd say this,

but I'm glad I'm not hung like a bear.

That's funny.

Whoa...

- Oh...

- Dale...

that kid, he's got some serious issues.

I know. Let's get you down from there.

Wait!

Sorry about that.

This vacation sucks.

Come on, let's go.

Look at this place.

- This is where evil lives.

- Let's just hope that Allison's still alive.

Allison!

- Allison!

- Chad?

- Chad?

- Shh!

What are you guys doing?

Saving you, stupid!

Come on. Let's go.

Why are you whispering?

There's no one else here.

Oh.

This place is really freaky.

What have they done to you, Allie?

Huh?

They haven't done anything to me.

Chad, this has all been

a huge misunderstanding.

We have to burn this place to the ground.

Destroy it completely.

What? No, no. Chad...

Chad! Stop.

No, Chad, no. Chad, stop!

You can't do this.

This is their vacation home.

You guys have to listen to me, OK?

Tucker and Dale did not mean

to hurt anyone. They're really nice.

You have no idea...

what this is all about, do you, Allison?

- Huh?

- No.

These freaks are evil...

and they deserve everything

that's coming to them.

OK, just relax, all right?

I'm just trying to explain

this is all a big misunderstanding.

Tucker and Dale have been nothing

but gentlemen to me this entire time,

- while you guys have been terrorizing them.

- But they started this!

By doing what? Saving my life?

Wait a minute. I remember reading

about this in my sociology class.

It's called Stockholm syndrome.

When someone who's been kidnapped

falls in love with their kidnapper.

You're falling in love with him?

No. W-What?

- Chad, the... The what? This is...

- Tell me...

you're not falling in love

with that freak, Allison.

How could you love him?

Chad, please. You don't understand.

Well, are you or are you not

in love with him?

- What is the matter with you?

- Tell me!

Hey! Let the girl go.

Tcha!

- Are you OK, Allie?

- Allie? Did he just call you Allie?

Wait. Everyone just stop for a second

and let's talk this out, OK?

Nobody wants to hurt anyone.

You could have fooled me.

- F*** off, hillbilly.

- Eat sh*t, body perm.

Wait! How about I make some tea,

and we all sit and talk this out?

Oh, yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

I'll provide the finger sandwiches.

I'm gonna go get a beer.

OK, Chad, you...sit here, OK?

In this chair.

Dale, you...

you sit in this one.

OK, good. Now, um...

I'm gonna get the tea.

Is that camomile tea? I can't have that.

It fucks with my asthma.

It's Earl Grey.

Oh, I love Earl Grey. That's great.

Here's what we're gonna do.

I want you each to tell your side of the story,

and as you're listening to the other person,

I want you to see yourself in their shoes.

OK?

OK.

Now, it's important

that we communicate our feelings

and understand each ether's perspective

before any progress can be made.

OK.

Chad, why don't you start?

- Well, where should I f***ing begin?

- Wherever you'd like.

A long time ago,

- before I was born...

- OK, maybe not that far back.

This is important.

You see, my parents, they were attacked

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