Twelve Thirty Page #2

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No, like low self-esteem.

No.

Liar.

What don't you like

about yourself?

Loneliness.

I was thinking more in terms

of your physioal being.

You oan do something

about loneliness.

I have varioooele.

What is varioooele?

I oan't tell you.

- Where is it?

- I oan't tell you.

- Is it oontagious?

- No.

What about you?

Mind your own business.

My mom sells furs,

loves them.

Loves what she does.

My sister hates her for it.

Animal oruelty sh*t.

It doesn't bother you?

She likes what she does.

Thas all that

should matter to anyone.

And your Dad?

He's got a green job.

And for the reoord,

I oall him my stepdad.

Drives him nuts.

He stutters and sputters

when I oall him that.

And normally

he's a very erudite,

you know, artioulate man...

Makes me laugh.

Not in a mean-spirited way,

but it does make me laugh.

Like the way I laugh

when I hurt myself,

stub my toe or bang my shin

against a pieoe of furniture.

Some kind of perverse

defense meohanism, I guess.

When I want

to make him laugh,

I oall him a lepreohaun.

He likes that better.

Lord only knows why.

Now we oan buy the house

and move in and be happy.

- What time is it?

- You're stalling.

Look at the garage door...

at the light.

Is lovely.

But it smells like Castrol

in here,

and you're stalling.

It hurts.

You're hurting me.

You've been flirting with me

sinoe the day we met.

I like you.

Don't you like me?

Don't you

want to?

Yes, but...

I don't know if I... oan.

What do you mean?

You oan't?

You'll laugh.

I won't.

I think I have

Peyronie's disease.

What?

Is a severe

ourvature of the penis.

And, well,

I think that mine is...

severely ourved...

when is... aroused.

Wait, someone told you

is severely ourved?

Why didn't you

tell me about that

when I asked earlier?

Have you seen

a dootor about it?

Right.

I wonder what kind of

examination that would entail.

Don't laugh.

Look it up.

You're orazy.

Why haven't you

tried to kiss me?

I've never been

with a woman before.

In any way, shape, or form.

I've never kissed...

anyone.

I've wanted

to make love to you

Your olothes were

olinging to your body.

I had never seen someone

sweat so muoh in my entire life.

I oouldn't even imagine

how it was possible.

So muoh sweat!

That turned you on?

You should kiss me.

That was your oue.

[Skipped item nr. 324]

That was nioe.

Look, I know I oan be

orude and orass...

Zippy, sassy.

You've always liked me,

haven't you?

I think thas aoourate.

I want to have sex with you.

Tonight.

And I'll be angry if we don't.

Sorry?

Don't apologize.

Really?

- Make a move.

- Is your Mom home?

Convention in Chioago

this weekend.

Open the garage door.

Mel?!

Isn't this the way

it looks in porn?

I... suppose.

Liar.

Yes, it is.

You don't have

Peyronie's Disease.

Isn't this

your sister Maura's room?

I don't want to spunk up

my own sheets.

[Heavy breathing]

You should put

something on.

Is oold down here.

So there is something

wrong with my penis.

You have a beautiful

and kind of large penis.

You should be very happy.

Thanks.

Where is your sister Maura?

Staying with her best friend

Irina this weekend.

Someone likes jam

with their oaffeine.

My Mom's a oolleotor.

She likes variety.

What are you

looking for anyway?

Nothing.

I'm just trying to

remember everything

in oase this is the

last time I'm ever here.

You'll be here again.

We used to have an array

of eleotrio typewriters

all over the plaoe, too.

Colleoting them

was my Das hobby.

He took them with him

when he left?

He was somewhat desperate

to oolleot history

before history

beoame too expensive.

Why he ohose typewriters

is anyone's guess.

You're sort of following

in his footsteps...

Studying environmental oauses,

wildlife proteotion.

Yeah...

No.

I just...

I want to do it

better than he does.

Just a little bit better,

you know.

Put him in his plaoe.

My Frenoh minor -

that I'm good at.

Can I look at you?

I mean...

just... look at you.

More?

No, you might still be

dripping out of me.

You should take a shower.

You're all salty.

Take one with me?

All right.

Be up in a minute.

Hey!

Whas varioooele?

Varioose veins

in the sorotum.

I thought so.

[Skipped item nr. 389]

You all feelin' all right?

Les get on this here!

[Skipped item nr. 392]

[Harmonica solo]

[Blues rock plays]

[Skipped item nr. 395]

I'm gonna make ohili.

Thas what

you want to do?

Thas what I want to do.

Don't you oarb up

before a big run?

Is just as good

after a run.

You do sweat a lot.

Seoret ingredient

is lime juioe.

Don't tell anyone.

Can I take you

to Patisserie Palate

for dessert after dinner?

Okay, but I have

to be home early.

I have homework to finish.

Okay.

Happy Independenoe Day.

Thas funny.

Is mistletoe.

Is a little waoky, too.

I get off work

at 5:
00 this afternoon.

Can I sweep you

off your feet tonight?

I'm aotually going to stain

a new table I made myself.

I bought some beautiful teak

at this really oool,

old junkyard in Cedar Rapids.

You oan get all kinds

of wood there.

Is like the wood fairy

drops off a new oord every day.

Little wooden orphans

looking for homes.

Is as easy as apple pioking.

Well, I'd love to help you.

I'm not going

to sleep with you tonight.

Why would you want to help me,

you know, stain furniture?

Beoause you're my friend.

Thas what friends do, right?

I don't think is a good idea.

Good morning.

- Why did you even bother?

- What?

A table for two, please.

British?

Amerioan?

Uh, yeah, right this way.

Um, do you live around here?

I don't reoognize you.

Is mostly regulars

we get at this hour.

No, tourists, aotually.

And you traveled 4,000 miles

just to visit lowa City?

Will this be all right?

Well, it will be

if you two join us.

I felt we were interrupting

something when we arrived.

Is against restaurant polioy.

We'd love to.

Are you visiting someone?

Yes, our nieoe is enrolled in

the oreative writing program

at the university.

And we suddenly oraved

lowa Pork Tenderloin.

Done.

Carla, would you please

bring the women

two lowa Pork Tenderloin.

And to drink?

Guinness?

Um...

Miohelob will do.

Two Miohelobs, Carla,

and oan you bring

some water for the table?

You bet.

Brilliant.

Exouse me,

I'm being rude.

My name is Katherine,

and this is the

aptly named Eve.

Is aotually Evelyn.

I'm Jeff,

and this is my friend Mel.

Oh, how do you do?

Are you traveling

from the UK on your own?

We're soaroely on our own

even though

we're both widows.

We share everything now;

we even share a single bed.

Although we always request

twins when we holiday

so as...

not to raise eyebrows.

We first met on our

most reoent honeymoons,

not on our first.

So, we are widows squared.

Are there any men

in your lives now?

Regrettably, no.

But we're making fast friends,

right and left, on oampus.

Although lowa doesn't

have enough pubs.

I have a pub baok home,

fifth generation.

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