Twin Town Page #5

Premier f***ing league.

I was proud of you tonight.

Call me tomorrow.

The probation reports tell me that...

you've not been turning up for

community service lately.

Is there anything you'd like

to tell me about that boys?

Mr. Lewis.

To be honest with you, Mr. Waldron,

I think they're picked on.

- They're a target.

- I see.

Target.

Because they're special I suppose.

- Special?

- Brothers.

There's two of them you see,

and they tend to be ganged up on.

It's a phenomonen.

I hear you had a spot of bother

at Barons nightclub.

Have you been charged?

- Have they been charged?

- No.

Give you a bit of a pasting,

did they?

- They were picked on.

- Yes, well...

thank you for coming down with

the boys, Mr. Lewis.

I'd like to speak to them on their

own, if that's ok.

Yes, of course.

You've got a job to do.

You listen to Mr. Waldron

and you tell him the truth.

I'll see you back home later.

Hot dogs for tea.

They're their favorites, hot dogs.

They're good boys, my boys.

Fiat Uno.

- Nicole?

- Papa?

So, tell me about

the last car you stole.

The Cosworth, was it?

Come on then,

tell me about the Cosworth.

Tell that to the clerk of the court

and he'll be rolling in the aisles.

Yeah.

- He got f***ing golf clubs.

- Tailor made?

- Aye.

- How many?

F***ing loads and balls.

Millions of them

There'll be sausage rolls,

and Welsh cakes in the gazebo.

You're all very welcome.

Excuse me.

Thank you Hugh.

Very good of you to do this.

It meant a lot to us all.

Only too happy to help Brynn.

- Difficult time.

- Yeah.

Well?

Nothing, Bryn.

Not even a lead.

I mean, sorry.

I don't mean lead as in...

You know.

I didn't mean it as a f***ing

pun, Brynn. I'm sorry.

I don't want any

of this business getting about.

Be a f***ing laughing stock.

Just do what you gotta do,

but keep it quiet, right?

And you can tell

those pricks in town...

if they print any of this,

I'll ram that paper up their arses.

- Is that clear?

- Clear enough.

F***ing right fair enough.

What do you want to do about

this Peruvian Marching Powder?

- The what?

- The dust. The bat food. The snow.

Snow?

What f***ing snow?

The powder. The snortable.

The Charlie. The scooby-doo expensive.

The class A f***ing narcotics.

Don't talk to me in f***ing code.

Cocaine, right?

Just say f***ing cocaine.

- Ok, the f***ing cocaine!

- Shut up, man.

Never mind the f***ing gear.

I put it somewhere safe.

Just let all this blow over.

F***ing snow.

Fergie's special treat.

Sausage rolls.

She'd have enjoyed

these sausage rolls.

Bryn used to bring them back

you know, from the rugby club.

She'd have loved all this.

That poodle never hurt a fly, Greyo.

I know.

You must be devastated.

- Jen.

- Thanks.

Well, they're gonna find out who

they're messing around with, right?

- Who?

- Who?

The bastards who brought that

young dog's life to an end.

Whose behind all this, Lucy?

How do I know?

I don't see the half of it.

Why don't you find out?

You're the f***ing copper.

Where do you think

that ship's off to, Dai?

What sort of ship is it?

Big one.

Probably a tanker. I don't know.

Spain or France or somewhere.

Yeah, Honolulu, or Thailand.

- Going to pick up more Rolexes.

- Rolexes don't come from Thailand.

Fake ones do.

I'd love to go to Thailand.

Aye.

Have a little karaoke bar on the beach.

Me and you.

Somewhere hot.

I'm hot.

Hot to trot.

It's the strong arm of the law.

Business or pleasure?

- Come away with me, Bonny.

- Away where?

- Anywhere.

- I'm going fulltime karaoke.

This place is holding me back.

Roofing's just a job.

- What about my father?

- Leave.

I can't, Dai.

Not yet.

Come on, love.

- This is a waste of time.

- What time are they due back?

They probably won't come home at all.

Sometimes they stay out all night.

In other people's f***ing motors?

- You'll wake my parents up.

- Adie...

they've gone and nicked the

probation officer's Fiat Uno.

- How do you know?

- Because it said Fiat Uno on the back.

How do you know it was the twins?

I've got a hunch.

- Do you mind if I look in their pit?

- Go ahead.

- Lf you got the nose for it.

- I've go the nose for it.

How come a two liter bottle

of cork is 27 p...

- The super-duper deal?

- Yeah.

- F***ing brilliant!

- I know.

But if you have a one liter bottle,

it costs 37 p.

- F***ing hell. That's weird.

- I know.

Really weird.

Even though it's bigger it costs

you less than the smaller ones.

- I know.

- Why?

I don't know.

It's really f***ing weird.

F*** it!

- Anything?

- F*** all. May as well f*** off.

You mean you're not

staying for supper?

I was going to open a bottle

of Dandelion and Burdock.

I may as well hang about a bit.

You never know.

Come on let's f*** off.

No, go ahead.

Take the car.

- What are you gonna do?

- Don't worry about me.

I'll get a cab.

Right, ok then.

I'll f***ing shoot off then.

Drive carefully, Terry.

- We'll do cruises.

- In a boat?

Yeah, the QE2.

Tokyo.

Japan.

Yeah. It's the karaoke capitol

of the world man.

There's a lot of Welsh

connections there.

Yeah, Japan. F*** it.

- Hello?

- Terry.

It's half past f***ing 12.

I've got Fergie's collar.

What?

The Lewis twins.

In their caravan.

You are f***ing kidding.

- F***ers.

- What are you going to do?

What am I going to do?

Rip their f***ing heads off.

- Can you see to it?

- Course I can have them seen to.

- It's not a problem.

- Good.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

And a dog for a dog.

Have they got a dog?

- Yeah.

- I want the dog done first.

Do the dog, alright?

- What about the twins?

- I need time to think.

- Just do the f***ing dog.

- Ok. Tomorrow.

- No, tonight.

- I want to watch "Serpico".

Tonight.

- But I want to watch "Serpico".

- F*** Serpico, you'll tape it.

- Ok.

- I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

This grass is really f***ing lovely.

I know.

Two-nil.

What the f***ing hell?

Cantona!

Cantona!

Come on, boy.

Yah! Come on!

Just you and me now broth'.

Cantona!

What a cheeky mutt!

Well, well.

Where did you find him boys?

In the caravans.

Cantona.

You'd better stay with me.

Thank you boys, for bringing him.

Hello could I have a word with

Detective Sergeant Alan Grey?

Thank you.

The way of the transgressor

is f***ing hard.

- Who said that?

- I f***ing did.

- Where we going?

- I don't know yet.

Good enough.

Thank you.

- Welcome.

- Thank you, Bob.

- Take care.

- Same to you.

- There's no f***ing butter.

- You don't have it with hot dogs.

- What do you mean

- Not butter, f***ing ketchup.

- Wet them up with f***ing ketchup.

- Fatty did 'em with butter.

I know, but he never did

hot dog van sausages.

He did the little Walls sausages.

You can do them with butter.

But you can't f*** about with these.

- Where are these bastards from?

- F***ing Germany, it says.

German f***ing breakfast.

Do you think they have

Welsh sausages in Germany?

- Aye, probably.

- Where's this dope from?

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