Two-Bit Waltz Page #4
What?
And why is it that you're here?
Will you come back and
hang out with me after yoga?
And why is it that you're here?
Darling, I would,
but I don't want to.
And why is it that you're here?
Bye.
And why is it that you're here?
And why is it that you're here?
And why is it that you're here?
Jesus.
And why is it that you're here?
What?
I'm sorry.
What?
Am I not allowed to call my
very bestie friendy-wendy?
What?
I've been trying to get a hold
of you for, like, three days.
What?
I'm writing my
personal statement.
What?
Well, would you
talk to me if you
What?
Knew that my grandmother
had just died?
What?
Jenny?
What?
Jenny.
What?
My grandmother has just died.
What?
No, she hasn't.
What?
She has.
What?
In fact, she had
time to die and have
What?
A funeral, which I
have just attended.
What?
That is how long you have not
returned my phone calls for.
What?
Well, you never her anyway.
What?
Will you please come over after
school and hang out with me?
What?
You know, this is what
the rest of your life
What?
Is going to be like without
the collegiate experience.
What?
Jenny, you have nothing to
do when you're suspended.
What?
Stop messing around,
and write your novel.
What?
And eat something besides toast.
What?
That does not mean crackers.
What?
Roll up, roll up,
ladies and gentlemen.
What?
Come one, come all,
for the cracker show.
What?
They cure all your worries.
What?
They cure all your cares.
What?
And for the price of
just a few calories,
What?
You, too, can be a buyer
and an eater of crackers.
What?
Contrary to what your
best friend might think,
What?
They are good for you, and
they make you feel great.
What?
Crackers?
What?
You guys like crackers?
What?
No.
What?
I never told you this,
What?
But I always thought that we
would have been really good
What?
Friends.
What?
Ow!
What?
God.
What?
Sorry.
What?
I didn't know
anyone was in here.
What?
I was wondering if maybe
you wanted to hang out.
What?
Death is a strange
thing, you know I mean?
What?
Holds all of this
cosmic significance.
What?
And yet, we have no idea
what it's really about.
What?
You know, like, I could
be dead in the afterlife
What?
Right now but alive
here like I am.
What?
Or I could be alive here in the
afterlife and dead from before.
What?
It's, like, slightly
more or slightly less
What?
Confusing conversely
to the idea that it's
What?
Slightly less or
slightly more confusing,
What?
Depending on who
you're talking to.
What?
You know, like, for instance,
if I were talking to you,
What?
It might be different than if
I were talking to someone else.
What?
You know what I mean?
What?
It's like many, many
years ago, the dinosaurs...
What?
Please.
What?
Don't.
What?
But cosmically, you
know what I'm saying?
What?
It's so... it's bizarre.
What?
And you just... you
look at it, and you're
What?
Like, what... what's going on?
What?
You know, wow.
What?
You're this thing
that's right here.
What?
And I just can't... you know,
I can't really comprehend it,
What?
You know what I'm saying?
What?
It's like, you ever feel
like the universe just
What?
Walks up to you and
is like, oh, hello.
What?
You must be Carl.
What?
I can't.
What?
What?
What?
What?
"To be, or not to be,
that is the question...
What?
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind
to suffer the Slings and Arrows
What?
Of outrageous Fortune, or
to take Arms against a Sea
What?
Of troubles, and by
opposing end them?"
What?
Of troubles, and by
opposing end them?"
What?
Of troubles, and by
opposing end them?"
What?
"... To sleep... no
more; And by a sleep,
What?
To say we end the Heart-ache,
and the thousand Natural shocks
What?
That Flesh is heir to?"
What?
That Flesh is heir to?"
What?
That Flesh is heir to?"
What?
So you say you feel
lonely, misunderstood.
What?
Absolutely not.
What?
If anything, I feel
much too understood.
What?
Will you please focus?
What?
I should dare
before the missus gets home.
What?
What happened then?
What?
You know, it's actually not a
bad line for a scullery maid.
What?
Maude.
What?
Yes?
What?
What happened then?
What?
I sat on my thinking
rock and thought thoughts.
What?
You have a rock that
you go and think on?
What?
No.
What?
Actually, I think
in the field, it's
What?
Just sometimes
there's a rock there.
What?
There's a field around here.
What?
Well, no.
What?
OK, earlier you said that
the death of your grandmother
What?
Was a question of
fiscal conservatism.
What?
Conservative fiscalism, yes.
What?
Nothing.
What?
Why are you looking
at me like that?
What?
Why am I looking
at you like what?
What?
Like that.
What?
Like what?
What?
Like that.
What?
Like what?
What?
Like that.
What?
Like what?
What?
OK, now I say, "Like that,"
and you say, "Like what?"
What?
Ready?
What?
One, two, three.
What?
Like that.
What?
No, no, no, no.
What?
I have to say, "Like that," and
you have to say, "Like what?"
What?
You ready?
What?
OK.
What?
One, two, three.
What?
Like that.
What?
Like what?
What?
I don't get it.
What?
It's funny, because
I say, "Like that,"
What?
And you say, "Like what?"
What?
And then I say, "Like what?"
and you say, "Like that."
What?
You ready?
What?
One, two, three.
What?
Like that.
What?
Like what?
What?
Like that.
What?
Like what?
What?
What?
Why are you looking
at me like that?
What?
Hey.
What?
Jesus Christ, what a day.
What?
We had the funeral.
What?
I had to take Bernie to school.
What?
I say they took Granny.
What?
Death is a fickle
thing, you know?
What?
And neither I nor
your father can
What?
Seem to remember whose
mother she actually was.
What?
Where were you?
What?
I was thinking.
What?
About what?
What?
I don't know.
What?
My book is no good.
What?
What's it about?
What?
Human condition.
What?
Do you have a light?
What?
No.
What?
Or, I have this idea for
this story about these twins
What?
That are separated at birth.
What?
And one grows up to be a
gypsy, and one grows up
What?
To be a policeman.
What?
And they're given away in a
cardboard box, if you will.
What?
So, like, they don't really
know where the other person is.
What?
But they, like, have a vague
idea, because, you know,
What?
They looked into it as
adults or something.
What?
But anyway, the gypsy gets
captured by this traveling
What?
Circus that's going to the town
that the policeman polices for,
What?
Right?
What?
And they're just
outside the village
What?
When they decide to
stop for the night.
What?
And the gypsy is in charge of
taking care of the elephants.
What?
And she falls asleep
with the elephant.
What?
And she has this
crazy dream, right?
What?
And her mom comes to her in the
dream, her long-lost mother,
What?
And tells her that she's inside
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Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"Two-Bit Waltz" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 19 Jan. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/two-bit_waltz_22429>.
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