Two-Bit Waltz Page #9
feel about modern cars.
Oh, God.
You forgot, didn't you?
Oh, God.
What do I do?
Oh, God.
What sounds smart?
Oh, God.
I mean...
Oh, God.
Join an Ivy League.
Oh, God.
They're all basically the same.
Oh, God.
What's an Ivy League?
Oh, God.
Bernie.
Oh, God.
It'll be fine.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
You're f***ed.
Oh, God.
You want toast?
Oh, God.
I assume the meeting
did not go well.
Oh, God.
When you assume, you...
Oh, God.
It did not go well.
Oh, God.
Well, no.
Oh, God.
I see.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
For unpleasant
circumstances are often
Oh, God.
The orb from which
the idea may brew.
Oh, God.
I think you're
thinking of a Crock-Pot.
Oh, God.
Blackjack.
Oh, God.
Nice.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Well, we're here.
Oh, God.
Well, it is a pleasure
to see you all again.
Oh, God.
And I assume this is Carl.
Oh, God.
No.
Oh, God.
Oh, all right then.
Oh, God.
Uh, well, Maude.
Oh, God.
First of all, happy birthday.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Thanks.
Oh, God.
And, uh, before we proceed, I
thought a small birthday gift
Oh, God.
Might be in order.
Oh, God.
"To Jeremy."
Oh, God.
My nephew didn't want it.
Oh, God.
Right.
Oh, God.
So, um, let's, uh...
let's begin, shall we?
Oh, God.
What's that?
Oh, God.
Oh, this is just for my records.
Oh, God.
You know, to make sure that her
wishes are honored properly.
Oh, God.
It's, you know, in case
of an investigation.
Oh, God.
Standard procedure.
Oh, God.
It's boring stuff.
Oh, God.
Right.
Oh, God.
So tell me, what college
did you like the most?
Oh, God.
No.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
Oh, God.
Maude, darling,
what are you doing?
Oh, God.
I didn't like any
of the brochures.
Oh, God.
I didn't like any of them.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
Maude, don't do this right now.
Oh, God.
This isn't a time for jokes.
Oh, God.
Just tell him what you intend.
Oh, God.
I don't intend anything.
Oh, God.
I looked at all the brochures.
Oh, God.
I don't like them.
Oh, God.
I don't like anything.
Oh, God.
But that's ridiculous, darling.
Oh, God.
You have hobbies.
Oh, God.
Just tell him your
hobbies, for Christ's sake.
Oh, God.
Death.
Oh, God.
She's kidding.
Oh, God.
Darling, what are
your interests?
Oh, God.
Suicide.
Oh, God.
Since when?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
Oh, God.
Just now, I guess.
Oh, God.
Maude, for heaven's sake,
just tell the nice lawyer
Oh, God.
Which college you want to go
to, and let's get out of here.
Oh, God.
I don't want to go to college.
Oh, God.
I don't want the money.
Oh, God.
Give it to the f***ing dogs.
Oh, God.
Well, uh, there's still
the matter of this trinket.
Oh, God.
Carl, you go on ahead.
Oh, God.
We'll catch up.
Oh, God.
I need new shoe...
Oh, God.
Carl.
Oh, God.
You're angry.
Oh, God.
You can't smoke in here.
Oh, God.
Yes.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
You're sorry, are you?
Oh, God.
Yes, I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
But I think giving me
two weeks to decide
Oh, God.
What I wanted to do
with the rest of my life
Oh, God.
Is an incredible amount
of undeserved pressure.
Oh, God.
Well, it wasn't
my decision, Maude.
Oh, God.
It was your grandmother's.
Oh, God.
And you didn't
have to decide what
Oh, God.
You wanted to do with your life.
Oh, God.
You simply had to
present yourself
Oh, God.
As a young woman
who was not insane,
Oh, God.
And somehow you didn't
manage to do that.
Oh, God.
Well, I couldn't
foresee myself sitting
Oh, God.
At a desk for
another four years,
Oh, God.
And I'm sorry about that.
Oh, God.
You didn't even try.
Oh, God.
Well, I was busy.
Oh, God.
I wrote a book, and now
I have nothing to do.
Oh, God.
Again with this
"nothing to do."
Oh, God.
I am trying to help
you create your future.
Oh, God.
You had a grossly extravagant
opportunity in there,
Oh, God.
Which you decided
to sh*t all over.
Oh, God.
Why can't you be
more like Jenny?
Oh, God.
That girl was positively
vomiting bright future.
Oh, God.
I know, and it was
incredibly annoying.
Oh, God.
Not if you were her mother.
Oh, God.
Well, I wasn't her mother.
Oh, God.
There's an idea.
Oh, God.
Why did you get pregnant?
Oh, God.
Do something constructive
with your life,
Oh, God.
Even if it is misinformed.
Oh, God.
Go away.
Oh, God.
I cannot talk to you
about this anymore.
Oh, God.
Fine.
Oh, God.
And I want you to know that,
though I am incredibly upset,
Oh, God.
I still love you.
Oh, God.
Well, I think you're a cunty
slut whore, and I hate you.
Oh, God.
Well, I think you're an
ungrateful little child,
Oh, God.
And I...
Oh, God.
Bad fight you had there, huh?
Oh, God.
Yep.
Oh, God.
Sh*t on by the only woman
who ever really loved me.
Oh, God.
And you say you're 18.
Oh, God.
So your life is
really f***ed up.
Oh, God.
Well, it's not f***ed up.
Oh, God.
It's just...
Oh, God.
No, no, no.
Oh, God.
Your life... it's... it's a mess.
Oh, God.
It's a mess.
Oh, God.
Let me... let me
tell you something.
Oh, God.
What I... what I saw in that
meeting... it is going nowhere.
Oh, God.
I mean, I could
barely stay awake
Oh, God.
Through that whole meeting.
Oh, God.
But, I mean, I seemed
pretty aware, right?
Oh, God.
I seemed pretty...
pretty on the ball?
Oh, God.
I guess.
Oh, God.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, God.
Well, there was a pair
of scissors in my leg
Oh, God.
The whole time.
Oh, God.
Wow.
Oh, God.
Yeah, but, I mean, you
couldn't notice that, right?
Oh, God.
No.
Oh, God.
Mhm.
Oh, God.
Mhm.
Oh, God.
You know what, kiddo?
Oh, God.
What?
Oh, God.
You know what?
Oh, God.
What?
Oh, God.
You know what?
Oh, God.
What?
Oh, God.
You remind me of someone that I
knew when I was your age... you.
Oh, God.
You mean me?
Oh, God.
Me.
Oh, God.
I see me in you.
Oh, God.
Oh.
Oh, God.
You see?
Oh, God.
And let me tell you something.
Oh, God.
When I was your age,
if I had $5 million,
Oh, God.
I wouldn't end up in
a place like this,
Oh, God.
I'll tell ya that right now.
Oh, God.
Oh, um, here.
Oh, God.
I want to... I want to
give you something else.
Oh, God.
Here.
Oh, God.
Go ahead.
Oh, God.
So... so tell me.
Oh, God.
What do you really want to do?
Oh, God.
I mean, really.
Oh, God.
I wrote a book.
Oh, God.
Uh-huh?
Oh, God.
I wrote a book,
and now it's done.
Oh, God.
You wrote a book,
and now it's done.
Oh, God.
Precisely.
Oh, God.
Hm.
Oh, God.
What do you want to do now?
Oh, God.
Become a lawyer, I guess.
Oh, God.
"Become a lawyer, I guess."
Oh, God.
Well, let me tell you something.
Oh, God.
What?
Oh, God.
You got talent.
Oh, God.
Thanks.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
You got talent.
Oh, God.
I can tell that.
Oh, God.
You got talent.
Oh, God.
You believe me?
Oh, God.
Sure.
Oh, God.
You believe me?
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
But you're also, unfortunately,
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"Two-Bit Waltz" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 20 Jan. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/two-bit_waltz_22429>.
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