Two for the Seesaw Page #7

---

Gittel, should I stay or go?

Go.

Shall I leave the gas on?

Yes.

Do you need me for anything?

No. Of course not.

Jerry?

- Jerry?

- What?

What are you still here for?

I can't put it off till morning.

I'm at a dead end. I don't want to be doing

briefs, I want to be back in the courtroom.

- Why don't ya take the Bar exam?

- I'm scared.

I don't know how good I am

away from Lucius.

- What else can you do?

- Go back where I'm a member of the Bar.

Where your wife isn't going to marry

that other fella?

- Where you might have another chance?

- What chance have I here?

(phone)

- Go on.

- Answer it.

I don't want to talk, let it ring.

- Who is it, this late? Your friend?

- Who knows?

(phone)

- You gonna go back or not?

- Why not? What's so great about here?

Beating my head against the Bar exam?

Jake? Kicks in the belly? Quicksand?

What do you think I'm up to my neck in?

Not quicksand?

All right.

Then tell me. You've had something

sticking in your throat all week.

Can't you spit it out? Or is it easier to hop

in the hay with the first gorilla you meet?

How can you treat yourself like a rag

that any bum can wipe his hands on?

- OK. When?

- When what?

When are you going?

Don't rush me to Tallahassee,

I don't turn loose easy.

I got my own plans to make.

I'll probably hook up with Jake again.

Got a lot to give a girl, if you know

what I mean? You'd be surprised.

That's not all I mean to you. Stop lying.

Tell the truth for once.

- How many?

- Two.

Your stomach bothers you,

why not go to the doctor?

- He tells me don't have emotions.

- Is it bad? Did I hurt you?

Sure you hurt me.

You think my head's made of tin?

- You didn't say sorry.

- You had it coming, didn't you?

- Sure.

- I'm sorry.

I said you'd slug me, you finally did it.

If it makes you so happy,

I'll gladly oblige every hour.

Who's happy? Yay, what a smack!

- So, you're not going back?

- Smack didn't erase anything?

Gittel, look, I don't know

which way to turn.

Where we are, you and I,

that makes a difference.

Tell me, what made tonight happen?

All right, Jerry.

It's not just one thing, you know.

Your going to Taubman's is part of it.

- Why didn't you want to go with me?

- I wouldn't have fitted in.

With them or your other friends.

They're too classy.

What's the sense kidding?

Nonsense. There's no place

that I couldn't take you.

Like a chip on your shoulder,

you'd take me.

Oh, look, I'm sort of a slob.

You think I don't know?

You're a beautiful, beautiful girl.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

My neck is too long.

Besides, that's not the point.

The point is I'm not her.

She would have fitted in.

That's really the subject, Jerry.

Not you and me. You and her.

And that's been the subject

since the first minute we met.

- No.

- Yeah.

What's Jake? A piece of penny candy.

If you've got a penny and you're near

a machine, you put it in.

If not, not. But her...

It's like when I was a kid,

we used to neck in the vestibule.

She's inside you and I'm always

outside in the vestibule.

Everything you did here

was to prove something to her.

- To you. To myself.

- To her.

With her you couldn't stand on your own

two feet, so with me you will,

only I gotta stand on them too.

You'll show her.

With her you took handouts,

with me you'll give handouts.

Lofts, presents.

Never mind if I want 'em, you'll show her.

When you're blue,

I don't have to worry what I did wrong.

She called, she didn't call.

She wrote a letter, she didn't write a letter.

It's always her.

OK.

So then you say, "need you".

I need you.

Who says these things

in black and white?

You care about somebody,

you don't make 'em ask.

Like a bill that's gotta be paid.

What kind of giving is that?

So when you ask me to hand

myself over on a platter...

Well, what do you hand over, Jerry?

What'll I get?

Jake, I pay a penny, I get a penny candy.

But you...

You're a big 10-buck box

and all I'll get is the cellophane.

You short-change people. You make

it look like you're giving but you don't.

So, that's what I did.

- It's what I did with her too.

- I'm not talking about her.

That's exactly what I mean,

what you're doing now.

No, it's true. It's true. Half of me

hasn't even been in this town.

- I tried Jake.

- Of course.

So we're both flops.

No. Not both of us. Not you.

I've tried to make you over so you'd be

more like me - like everyone, I guess.

Stingy, holding back, guarding what

we have because we've got so little.

Everything you get, you give back double.

No, you're not a flop. You're a gift, infant.

Underneath that beautiful face

there's a street brawler.

But underneath that there's someone

that no one, nothing has ever dirtied.

The way people were meant to be.

That's what you are.

I tried to persuade you by giving you

a great gift... Myself.

Only half of that was a fraud, too.

Put you in bed with bums like Jake,

like me.

We'll talk about it tomorrow.

I love your long neck.

(winces) Jerry.

Jerry.

Jerry.

Jerry, don't go.

Jerry, I'm sick.

That's why I was so thirsty.

Help me, Jerry.

My God, why didn't you tell me?

You lunatic girl. Who's your doctor?

It was him calling.

Kurtzman, it's in the book.

That's why I was at Jake's so long.

No other reason.

- I was sick. I didn't want you to know.

- Infant, idiot, nitwit!

- (siren)

- Don't hate me, Jerry.

- I'm so ashamed.

- Shut up, you lunatic.

I didn't want you to know.

I didn't want to trap ya.

- Trap me?

- I'm so scared, don't leave me.

Just take it easy.

I'm right here and nobody's leaving.

Hypo's taking hold.

Such a young fella to be a doctor.

His old lady must feel

like a million dollars.

(he sobs)

I caution you

to carefully study the syllabus

and familiarise yourselves

with the Statute of Frauds.

Be especially aware of each

of the exceptions and rules

which may act to take an agreement

outside the Statute.

All right, that's where we'll stop for today.

We'll review the 1951 exam tomorrow.

Have your questions ready.

(chattering)

(giggling)

- Sorry, Molly, I couldn't help it.

- It's not that you're late, it's who I'm with.

The Grand Ballroom is all yours.

I'll be back Wednesday. On time.

OK. Wait a minute.

I got a cheque for Gittel.

- Good.

- How's she doing?

Fine. Give her a ring or stop by.

They broke a window already,

those little monsters.

Twice the terlet was stuffed

with Popsicle sticks!

I said they'd do damage

and they done damage.

That proves one thing,

you're a man of vision, Mr Jacoby.

You said it! Hey, come back!

$60 a month rent

and $6,000 a month aggravation!

Oi!

She's much better, thank you.

Would you like to say hello?

- Hey, you, Gittel.

- Hiya, honey.

- Ah, you big dope.

- Sure hope you're hungry, honey.

I'll have to rush you,

to be back by 1.30.

- That was two minutes ago.

- You mean if I hurry, I'll be late?

Leave a sandwich. You wouldn't break

your neck to get back for 10 minutes.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes