Two Little Boys Page #6

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they're gonna cark it in 24 hours.

(Penguins squawk)

Nige.

Wake. Wake up.

(Speaks Norwegian)

I want to apologise

for my behaviour last night.

You know, just...

I've had a good look

at myself overnight

and I need you to know

that that was the old Deano.

I'm a new Deano today and... (Sighs)

...I'm sorry for the actions

of the old Deano, you know?

How are those eggs?

Awesome, bro. I love yolk.

DEANO, V/O:
Almost wish

I could tell Gav he's gonna die.

Like, if I was gonna die in 24 hours,

I'd wanna know,

so I could really make the most of it.

(Speaks Norwegian)

RADIO:
... for Mr Johannsen...

- Was it hot? Hot pie?

... to Missing Presumed Dead.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, it was a really hot pie.

Like I said, I'm really sorry.

Yeah, well, that's not gonna be

good enough, is it?

...is a national hero and a role model

for all the children of Norway.

- No.

(Radio static)

No.

Hey. Hey.

(Shouts in Norwegian)

(Strains)

Got any plans for the day, Deano?

Yeah, mate, big plans. Big plans, Gav.

Thought maybe

just do a round-trip of the Catlins.

Just see all the best bits, you know?

Cool.

# Marching music

DEANO, V/O:
We'll hit the road at 0900.

Take Gav to the Matai Waterfall,

the Tautuku Camp,

rendezvous with the dolphins

at 1400 hours,

past the petrified forest

and down to Slope Point.

And that's where Gav

takes in his final sunset.

F***, Gav. I'm gonna give you

the best last day ever.

Eh?

In the Catlins. Yeah, I'm gonna give you

the best last day in the Catlins.

Awesome, bro. I'm so excited, eh?

DEANO, V/O:
Yeah. Me too.

# Ooh, ooh

# Whoo-oo, ooh, ooh

# I'm counting the beat

Two, three, four, five

# I'm feeling the heat

Glad to be alive

# I'm counting the beat

Six, seven, eight, nine

# I'm wishing that you,

that you were mine

# Thinking about you

You think about me

# Think about you

Counting the beat

# I'm thinking about you

# Ooooohh

# I'm thinking about me

# Ooooohh

# Thinking about you

# Thinking about me

# Thinking about you

# Thinking about just you and me

# La-da-de-de

There ain't no place I'd rather be

# La-da-de-da, la-da-de-da

# La-da-de-da, la-da-de-da... #

(Dog barks)

# La-da-de-da, la-da-de-da

# La-da-de-da, la-da-de-da... #

What have we got here?

DEANO:
What do you reckon, Gav?

This is where me and Nige

used to come to school camps.

Awesome place.

I fingered Stephanie Filcher,

the Christian girl,

there's a woodshed over there.

Awesome. Didn't wash my hand

for a week. Remember that, Nige?

I used to make you smell it

all the time.

GAV:
Wicked, bro.

- It's gone now.

Yeah, it's cool, huh?

Oh.

Hey, Gav, one time,

when all the teachers were away,

like, the whole class

was getting up in these rafters.

And we were, like, doing mega jumps

out of them, landing on the ground.

It was mad. Everyone was doing it.

Even Lisa Allcock did it.

Except Nige. He was the only one

in the class that didn't do it.

- Why?

- Yeah, isn't that right, Nige?

- Yeah, pissed himself.

- True, Nige?

Well, we gotta do it, then.

We gotta get your confidence back, Nige.

- That's a great idea. Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah. Come on, bro.

- Yeah, mate.

- Get up, man.

The only barrier is your mind.

Yes.

GAV:
Come on, Nige.

DEANO:
Go, Nige.

- You've got this, bro.

- Yes!

DEANO:
Go. Go, mate.

GAV:
Come on, bro.

- Get up there! Yes!

- Come on, you can do it.

DEANO:
There we go.

GAV:
You can do it.

Oh, mate,

if Lisa Allcock could see you now...

DEANO:
Do it, Nige. Nige!

BOTH:
(Chant) Nige! Nige! Nige! Nige!

Nige! Nige! Nige!

KIDS:
( Chant) Jump! Jump! Jump!

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

(Laugh)

(Chant) Nige! Nige! Nige!

Nige! Nige! Nige! Nige!

Aghhh!

Whoo-hoo!

Ohh.

DEANO:
You alright, mate?

(Chuckles) Yeah.

How was that?

It was easy.

- Yeah.

- F***, yeah.

- You earned it, mate.

- Yeah, bro.

(All laugh)

(All cheer and whoop)

NIGE:
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

(All laugh)

I suppose you realise

this is private property.

Or did you not see the sign?

Yeah, we saw it.

So what's the problem? Can't you read?

Sh*t, yeah. I'm awesome at reading.

Sorry, sir. We were just having

a bit of fun in there. That's all.

Sorry, Mr Abercrombie.

Are you former students?

- Uh, no. No.

- No. No.

Yes, you are.

Nigel Aitcheson and Dean Ormsby.

So what are you doing now?

For a job?

Uh... a bank teller.

Occasionally a bus driver.

See, kids?

That's what happens

when you muck about at school.

- I resent that.

- F*** off.

You're not our teacher anymore,

Mr D*ckhead.

You... You can't give us

detention anymore.

So... you can't do anything, can you?

So, f***in' take your old balls

and f*** off, Mr Fuckface.

Yeah, f***in' cock features.

F*** you, you big... Dickball.

F***in' jizz wad.

- F*** off.

(Stifled laughter)

Come on, f*** off.

(Whooping)

Sorry, sir.

F***, yeah!

- Yeah. That was pretty awesome, Nige.

GAV:
Yeah, bro.

And, like, what did he mean, laughing

at your fellas' jobs like that, eh?

Like, when I tell people I do security,

they turn their noses up, you know?

You can't judge somebody

by what they do.

You judge somebody by who they are.

Spot on, Gav. Spot on.

Hey, Deano. Pull over.

What?

Pull over.

Oi. Nige. What...

Just... Just trust me.

Alright, two minutes. Alright?

F*** off, Jeurgen. I mean it.

(Phone rings)

MONICA:
Hello?

Monica, don't hang up.

Nige, where are you?

Uh... I can't say.

Oh, I imagined you

swinging from a noose.

I pictured you taking pills

or slitting your wrists.

I wouldn't do that, Monz.

Then why did you say

I might never see you again?

Are you gonna say something?

I know I'm the father, Monz.

I mean, I'm... I'm stupid,

but, uh... even I'm not that stupid.

Nige, this baby

doesn't want you as a father.

Why not?

Look at yourself, Nige.

Yeah, just... actually

take a look at yourself.

I've changed, Monz.

People don't change, Nige.

Yes, they... Yes, they do, Monz.

They do.

I've-I've... I've done so much thinking,

it's like... my head is gonna explode

and, like, fall out

into just lots of pieces.

I've... F***, Monz, I've...

You've gotta believe me.

I'm... I can be a father.

I can look after you and the baby.

You can't even

look after yourself, Nige,

I can. I can.

I'm... I'm gonna come and talk to you

and we can... you know,

we can figure this out, Monz.

It's my baby too.

OK.

But don't get your hopes up, Nige.

- I gotta go.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Bye.

(Sirens blare)

Hey. I can't find my togs.

Just go in your gruts. Come on.

# Marching music

DEANO, V/O:
I've heard that

for people that have killed in wars,

the hardest thing is when you think

of the person you're killing

as a person, you know?

Like with feelings and that?

Ooh!

What you should do is start thinking

of them as, like, not human at all.

Like... a robot.

Or a beanbag.

But I've really got to know Gav today

and it's a bit hard

to pretend he's a robot.

He's actually quite a good guy.

Yeah!

Look at him go.

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