Two Little Boys Page #7

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Hey, Deano. How come

you're being so nice to Gav?

(Sighs) Come on, Nige.

Life's too short

to carry around hate, mate.

Hate's too heavy, man.

Just gotta live life to the full, yeah?

Yeah.

It's better to burn out than fade away.

- Highlander.

- Queen soundtrack.

- Yeah.

- Classic sword fights.

- Yeah. Hey, Nige.

- What?

- Cold splash!

- Agh!

(Laughs)

Aghhh!

There can be only one!

(Both laugh and whoop)

QUEEN:
# Who wants to live forever?

# Who want to live forever? #

Nige.

Holy sh*t!

DEANO, V/O:
You know that story

where that little girl rides a whale?

Well, this is far more amazing,

because Gav is really fat and he was

riding a really little dolphin.

# Forever... #

DEANO:
Go, Gav! (Laughs)

That was the most amazing thing

that's ever happened to me in my life!

- Did you guys see that?

NIGE:
That was amazing.

- Whew!

- It was f***ing awesome, Gav!

It's just not even

scientifically possible, is it?

Like you're massive

and that's a tiny dolphin.

- How did you do that?

- Don't know.

Oh. Oh, man.

I'm gonna take a while

to come down from this one, eh?

DEANO, V/O:
F***, Gav's a good guy.

I totally get what Nige sees in him now.

You nearly killed that dolphin, man!

(Laughs)

Gonna be a real shame

to see him go.

# Who wants to live forever?

# Forever

# Is our today... #

Do you want a scone?

# Whakaaria mai

# Tou ripeka

# Ki au... #

DEANO, V/O:
Gav's singing

really tugs at the bottom of my stomach.

It's really powerful.

As I'm watching him, I'm thinking,

'Shall I kill him in the van? '

See you, mate.

Ah... ah... Aghhh!

I think that'd be a nice way

for Gav to go -

get a nice view of the ocean

and he'd be in his van, which is cool,

it's like a womb to him.

Or I could kill Gav in the bath.

GAV:
Hey!

It's an exciting way to do it -

seeing his face

as he surrenders to death

and accepts that... it's just not his

destiny to hang out with me and Nige.

# Kona au

# Titiro atu ai... #

But none of those options

are as good as plan A.

So... all I've got to figure out

is how to get Gav to the lighthouse...

# Au koe noho ai

# Amene. #

Really amazing singing, Gav.

Thank you, bro.

Well done.

- Hey, Deano.

- Yeah?

Got a bit of a confession

to make, actually.

Oh, yeah?

Well... to be honest, bro...

...I really didn't think

I was gonna like you, eh?

You know? I really try to see

the good in people, you know?

And for a while there...

couldn't see it.

- But you know what?

- What's that?

Now I see the good in you, bro.

I see the good in you.

- Thanks.

- Whoa.

(Sighs) Yeah.

I see the good in you too, Gav.

When I look at you, I see a man

my mum would be proud of.

Yeah. Or like a... a bird... flying high

above the cliffs,

just sort of, like, settling down

and then just making everyone happy,

like this awesome writing bird.

Oh. That's poetry, Deano.

- Thanks, man.

- Kia ora, bro.

# Marching music

GAV:
Oh. Far out.

F***, Deano!

Oi, it's alright,

we've got third-party insurance.

- We'll just fix it up.

- How's that gonna help?

Just... With insurance,

there's always a way, Nige.

I'm gonna head back to town

and see Monz.

Yeah? That's a f***in' great idea,

soldier.

Yeah, get on the main drag

and straight back to town, alright?

Don't look back.

I'll take care of Gav, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Alright.

GAV:
Hey, Nige.

Are you coming to the lighthouse?

Uh, no.

- You're gonna love the lighthouse, Gav.

- Yeah?

DEANO:
Yeah. It's so big up close.

(Siren blares)

NIGE:
Oh, f***...

G'day, Nige.

- Hey, Des.

- Thought it was you.

How's your mum?

Oh, she's good. Yeah.

Good. Good.

Mind if I hop in?

That door's f***ed.

Uh... Vandals have

smashed the whole thing up.

Vandals, eh?

I'll hop in the back.

So, here's the thing, Nige.

Um... have you read the newspapers?

No.

Oh!

Catlins is hitting the news, big-time.

- Is it?

- Yeah. Yeah.

So... (Clears throat)... I don't want you

to take this the wrong way, Nige,

but it's just,

uh, something I've got to do.

Eh?

Ask you a few questions.

What are you doing here? In the Catlins?

(Speaks Norwegian)

Showing a mate around.

Oh, yeah. Where you been?

Uh... Slope Point, petrified forest...

...uh... dolphins.

- Blowhole?

- Eh?

Did you show him the blowhole?

Ah...

No.

You know, Nige - you shouldn't be

driving this thing around.

You shouldn't have it on the road.

How else am I supposed to

get it to the garage, Des?

Hey, Nige. I'll need your keys.

OK. Yeah.

Hey, Des.

Yeah, Nige?

Thanks for the tow.

Oh, one other thing, Nige.

I'm looking for a big Maori guy,

drives a two-toned blue van.

You haven't seen him round, have you?

No.

(Car door slams shut, engine starts)

Gav.

(Tyres screech)

Aghhh!

(Pants heavily)

(Amazing Grace plays on bagpipes)

DEANO:
Yeah, you've actually got to

get right up close to appreciate it.

- It's amazing.

GAV:
Oh, cool.

GAV:
Whoa! Whoa! How about this wind?

DEANO:
Yeah, it's pretty windy, eh?

GAV:
Ohh!

- Crazy, huh?

- Oh, yeah!

DEANO, V/O:
It's nice to know

that Gav's life is about the journey

and not the final goal.

'Cause it means that

whenever his life may be cut short,

it's always gonna happen at the time

that he's at peace with himself.

- We should climb over.

- Yeah?

Yeah. Get a better view.

Believe it or not,

I've just pulled off a masterstroke.

You can't see anything from back there!

Come on!

Because today

is no ordinary day of Gav's life.

This is the day

when Gav cheated probability.

This is the day when Gav

felt like an absolute legend.

And I think to myself,

'Is this the moment? '

Agh!

No. No.

Something seems ungentlemanly about it.

Whoa!

(Both laugh)

Cher, bro.

F***, Gav's awesome. What he's doing

actually takes a shitload of balls.

He's far gutsier than I realised.

Aghh! Can you feel the fear?

- Eh?

- Can you feel the fear?

Oh, yeah.

(Both shriek)

- F***, yeah!

- Whoo-hoo!

F***, yeah!

(Both yell and whoop)

(Deano laughs)

You're a great guy, Gav!

You're a great guy too, Deano!

Hey, this has been an awesome day!

Kia ora, bro!

Yeah. Kia ora, Gav.

Agh... Aghhh!

(Gav screams)

- Nooo!

- Nige!

Gav!

DEANO:
What are you doing?

NIGE:
Gav!

Gav!

DEANO:
It's alright! Calm down!

- ( Faintly) Help!

- He's alive!

- Nah, it's a bird!

- ( Faintly) Help!

- It's a bird.

It's a squawk, mate.

Gav doesn't squawk.

It's Gav!

You tried to kill Gav!

(Strains, grunts)

- F***in' calm down!

What the f*** is wrong with you?

You're f***in' mental! Calm down!

Oh!

(Grunts)

Aargghhhh!

(Nige screams)

(Screams)

(Thunder rumbles)

(Spits)

Aghhh!

NIGE, V/O:
You know when you do

something on the spur of the moment

and then a moment later, you think,

'Ugh, probably shouldn't

have done that'?

Yeah. Well, this was one of those times.

Aghhh!

Nige!

It was a f***ing bird!

It was a f***ing bird! (Sobs)

DEANO, V/O:
You know, Nige's mum

used to say, when I got us in trouble,

'Oh, what if Deano jumped off a cliff,

would you jump off too? '

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