Two Night Stand Page #7

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I just need to know her last name.

I'm sure it was magical, but we can't

give our customers' personal information

to anyone other than the police.

So, provided you're not a cop,

is there anything else

I can help you with today?

Nope.

It's not just a show for kids.

Anybody can get into it.

You know, it's for anybody who

cherishes friendship, adventure.

There's this one character, her name

is Applejack, she's my favorite.

She's such a fireplug.

She kind of reminds me of you, actually.

I think I lost you there.

Excuse me? Hello?

I'm just going to put this out here,

but you're kind of a f***ing

terrible conversationalist.

- I don't know if... if ever...

- I think it's because you are so...

captivating.

- I am just intimidated as f***.

- Oh, no, there's nothing to be scared of.

- Excuse me.

- No, no, no, please, please. Goddammit!

Okay, yeah, all right, great.

Son of a motherfucking b*tch!

Motherfucking son of a f***ing b*tch! F***!

And now is the moment

you've all been waiting for...

Megan.

Long time no see.

It's... it's Ben.

From... from bio class?

How are you here? Do you know Faiza?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm good buddies with Cedric.

We're going to get more booze.

Have fun you two!

You! You are the dumb, pretty guy!

Thank you?

I was supposed to bang you.

This is the universe correcting itself.

So, where'd you decide on med school?

Just a surprise,

I got into both my top choices

but now I'm simply

just trying to decide.

It's a big decision and...

and obviously my dad has opinions...

Megan, Megan?

- You know, it's just...

- Police!

Megan? Megan, right?

Any noise complaints

go to Faiza or to Cedric,

because this is their apartment now.

Actually they're asking

for you specifically.

What's up, dog?

Megan Pagano?

You want to step in the hall with us?

Why?

Officers found this

in the Lopans' bathroom.

You don't understand.

This guy is a psychopath.

He's setting me up! He is setting

this whole thing up! Which I realize

is exactly what a crazy person would

say but that explains my situation.

He is so crazy that he is

forcing me to sound crazy.

- Do you see what he's doing?

- Ma'am...

Did you, or did you not,

break in through the window of

Mr. and Mrs. Lopan's apartment?

You got a little...

Some...

Okay, got it.

Pretty.

Which one of you is Megan Pagano?

You made bail.

Wait, that's... that's impossible.

I haven't even made a phone call yet.

She can do that?

She can refuse my bail? Are you serious?

Okay, look, I just...

I need to talk to her.

You can only visit during

visiting hours,

and if, and only if,

the person wants to see you.

Which I'm going to guess she doesn't,

being that she would rather remain

locked in jail than see your face.

Wow... rude.

Okay, well, what if I told you that

I helped her break into that apartment?

Then would you lock me up with her?

Yeah, that's how police stations work.

- Are you being sarcastic?

- Are you serious?

- I need to talk to her!

- Oh, okay then.

Five, four, three, two, one!

Happy New Year!

How about these two? Are they

special enough to post your bail?

Oh, my God, what happened?

- Just take me home.

- Here.

Hey.

- Who is that?

- I'm sorry.

But I didn't know your last name.

What was I supposed to do?

Literally anything but this!

Okay, you're upset, but, Megan,

you felt something and I felt something.

What I felt was Stockholm syndrome.

Hey, hey, I can't let you walk out

another door without listening to me.

Why are you doing this?

You have a girlfriend.

That's over now. Look,

Megan, hey, let me explain.

I should have told you about her,

and there were times last night

I wanted to tell you about her

and I should have, but...

there was other times last night that I

forgot that other people even existed.

And I know that sounds stupid,

'cause your friends are staring at me

like my f***ing dick is hanging out.

- I'm sorry, it was funny.

- Sir?

Okay, let's wrap this up. The cop's not happy,

let's keep the cop happy. Megan?

- You put me in jail!

- I'm sorry.

For like criminals!

He's got about five seconds

before he finds out firsthand.

Okay, fine, f***, sh*t.

Look, not directed at you,

and not directed at you.

Look, I messed up.

I messed up, but I am really,

really sorry.

But you can't stop us before we

even realize what we could be.

And we should figure that out, maybe...

Maybe we hang out, we don't...

we realize we don't like each other.

Maybe you're very

intimidated by my dancing,

or maybe I find out you're like...

really racist.

Okay, that was a hypothetical.

Look, all I'm saying is that there's a

lot of stuff that I don't know about you

and there's a lot that

we need to talk about.

I spent two nights with you,

and that's not enough time.

Give me more time, please.

It was a little shaky in the middle

but he finished strong.

I'm touched. Megan, what do we think?

- I think you put me in jail.

- We're still on that?

Look, hey, hey, come on. Some day

you're going to laugh about this.

I promise that you're going to find

this all very funny some day.

Okay, let's make a deal.

You give me your number, and leave.

And the minute I laugh about it,

I'll let you know.

Stay as long as you want.

That guy was nuts.

- Can I hang out with him?

- Cedric!

I'm just saying, I don't

meet a lot of funny people.

Okay, funny people

don't drive ambulances.

Sh*t.

Hello?

You are kind of an idiot,

do you realize that about yourself?

You good?

Yeah, I've heard that.

- You know that was all me, right?

- No, it was not.

What the f*** are you

talking about? It was.

Keeping it in the spirit of

constructive criticism,

the next time you want to win a girl

back after doing something stupid,

like practice your speech, or something

for the next girl, because...

I'm going to be honest...

yours just f***ing sucked!

Sh*t, it was... I was embarrassed for...

- What?

- It's way too soon.

- Way too soon.

- That's fair. That's totally fair.

Okay, I'm sorry that I put you in jail,

but have you thought about what that's

going to do for your street cred?

Yeah, of course I have, that was

like the first thing I thought of.

Going to get that sh*t tattooed.

And you don't have to worry about

the Lopans pressing charges

- 'cause I took care of 'em.

- Did you murder the Lopans?

- It had to be done.

- You did it without me?

I think I'm ready for that kiss now.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

You taste like prison.

- Is it really snowing again?

- Oh, yeah.

Look at 'em, a million tiny,

little matchmakers.

Thank you, snowflakes.

So... your place or mine?

I don't have a place anymore.

Me neither.

- You are a catch.

- So are you.

The piano makes the sound

You play so quietly

These love notes, letter bombs

You send them back to me

Doors and windows break

But not this melody

These not so subtle signs

This house can't make us stay

Didn't I warn you, didn't you want to

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