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sticks to the floor so bad, you know a mop? A mop just it's not good enough...It's not good enough. You gotta get down

there with like a toothbrush you know and you gotta you gotta really scrub! You've got to get it off. You've got to

real try to get it off. But if that doesn't work, that doesn't work you can't

give up... you gotta stand right up and gotta run to the window and yell, 'Hey

these floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!!'

Yes mama! That's right, Stanley Spadowski, ah ah.

I don't think that he's married now.

Well I think that he went to Harvard.

I'll see you kids later. Hi, George.

I'm done with the show, whaddaya want me to do now?.

Did you have a good time in there, Stanley?

Yeah! Oh boy, it was fun!

Great. How'd you like to do it every day?

Yeah! That would be... Wait a minute...

do I still get to be the janitor?

Sure.

Oh. Okay... it's a deal.

I'm gonna go clean the bathroom now.

Okay, kids, where do you wanna go?

To Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse!!

Great. All right. It's a deal.

Thanks a lot. Ok.

George, wait 'till you hear this.

'Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse' is sold out for the next three months!

The sponsors love him!

If we had a few more shows like this, we'd really be in business.

Yeah, I've been thinking about that.

I've been working on some new ideas.

Tell me what you think

Today... one of these lucky contestants will win his or her weight in fish...

right here on 'Wheel Of Fish!'

Okay, let's play the game! We start with yesterday's winner...

Mrs. Phyllis Weaver. Are you ready, Weaver?

I sure am, Kuni!

Okay, you get over there and spin the Wheel of Fish!

Go ahead, give it a big spin...

Come on, come on.

A red snapper! MM, is very tasty!

Okay, Weaver, listen carefully.

You can hold on to your red snapper,

or you can go for what's in the box that Hiro-san is bringing down the aisle right now!

What's it gonna be?

- Keep the fish!|- Take the box!

I... I'll take the box!

You took the box! Let's see what's in the box.

Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

Stupid...! You're so stupid...!!

Hello, my name is Philo, and welcome to...

'Secrets Of The Universe.'

Today we're going to learn to make Plutonium from common household items.

Hey, man, this is Raul Hernandez, and welcome to

'Raul's Wild Kingdom,' coming to you live from my apartment!

How about that, huh? Okay, first thing we're gonna do today is check out the

wonderful world of turtles..

This is my friend Tommy. Tommy say hello to the nice people.

'hello' Aaay, isn't he great? Okay, so... the turtle is a member of the reptile family

and it's got this hard, protective shell...(he raps on it) ... which keeps

predators away and provides him with his own house for when he sleep. And he's got these

teeny tiny little legs, which makes him move real slow. And not many people

know this, but the turtle is also natures suction cup! Watch this...

Did'ou see that? It sticks!

Okay, oh yah, what else I got for you? yeah, check this out.

This is my ant farm. You know, ants are amazing.

They can carry fifty times their own weight,

and they work for weeks and weeks building these intricate little tunnels, and...oh yeah, they hate it when you do this...

Oh, look, they're really mad now!

Where did you find this guy?

Me, I thought you hired him

For those of you just joining us,

today we're teaching poodles how to fly!

Okay, Foofie, are you psyched? Are you ready?

Okay, here we go... get ready... and... FLY!!

fly

Oh, man...

You know, sometimes it takes 'em a

longer to learn how to do it right.

Okay... come on... come on... cheer up, cheer up. hey, hey! Who's next?Ah Gigi.

Aw man.

Hi, this is Teri. I'm not home right now, so leave a message

and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Ter-eeee! I'm sorry! Come on, give me one more chance!

Pleeeeeeease! Come on Teri. Teri. OH OH, I'm in hell.

I'm in HELL! Teri! Teri pick up the phone. Pick the phone.Pick up the phone! Oh Teri. Oh Teri. PLEEEEESE. Oh Teri.

Oh, Richard... you shouldn't have...

Happy Father's Day, dad

What is this piece of crap?

I thought I told you I wanted a Rolex! A ROLEX!What?!

Uh... sir?

What do you want?

Just thought I ought to tell you, sir,there's a lot of talk on the street about this Channel 62.

They're starting to get a pretty strong following...

Excuse me, did you say 'Channel 62.'

Uh huh.

Do I need to remind you... that we are a network affiliate?!And we're in competition

with other networks,not with a bunch of punks broadcasting out of a closet!

But, s s s

Do you enjoy wasting my time? Get out of my office...

and take that ridiculous thing off!

What's that mean? What's that mean?

We got a winner! We got a winner!

Joel Miller, you just found the marble in the oatmeal!

You're a lucky, lucky, lucky little boy, cause you know why?

You get to drink from the firehose!

Okay...You ready?

YAH!

Open wide!

Joel Miller. Let's here it for him.

Raul Hernandez?

Yeah...

Got the delivery here for your next show.

Oh, great, whatcha got?

Let's see... I got an ardvork, a flamingo,

four porcupines, two armadillos, three badgers...

Badgers?! Badgers?!!

We don't need no stinking badgers!!!

LIFE MEANS NOTHING WITHOUTH YOU

I LOVE YOU:

Never before in the history of motion pictures

has there been a screen presence so commanding

... so powerful

... so deadly

... He's CONAN THE LIBRARIAN!"

Can you tell me where I could find a book on astronomy?

Don't you know...

THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM?

Conan the Librarian...

I'm sorry, these books are a little overdue...

Conan the Librarian

Tonight, only on U62.

This is a very good watermelon. Tastes like poop.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna eat some corn flakes.

This are good... OH! Free toy inside, free toy inside.

Lets' find it.

Don't let you're mom know that you do this, but I want to find the toy.

NAME THAT STAIN - THE YOUNG AND THE DYSLEXIC - WONDERFUL WORLD OF FLEGM-THAT'S DISGUSTING

Oh look, it's a toy man. It's a toy man. Hey wanna go for a ride?'oh boy is it fun.' Here, I'll just tie this around you're

waste.'no no just wait a minute," No no, I'll show you.'no wait, I don't want to go for a

ride.AHHHHHHHHHH! Stop! Stop! AHHHHH!' Wasn't that fun?'No! Stop! I'm

dizzy.' No, lets go again. 'AHHHHHHH'

Okay, how's this for our new Friday line-up...

Eight o'clock, 'Druids On Parade,' then 'The Volcano Worshippers' Hour'

followed by 'Underwater Bingo For Teens' and... 'Fun With Dirt.'

Why not.

Oh, and get this... I got a call this morning from

a guy who says he can swallow his own face!Can you believe that? I.. Bob? Whatcha got there?

The ratings.

Don't tell me we actually showed up on the list...

We're number one.

Say what?

We beat out the networks. This is unbelievable. Look at these numbers.

We've got three shows in the top five.

"Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse" went through the roof!He got a sixty share! Do you know what this means?

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