Uhf Page #5

We're going to make some real money!

George... we're the number one station in town!

There's lots of fun coming your way this weekend on U62.

First, slam your way to health as you 'Stay Fit!' with Mike and Spike.

Next, every bodies favorite. Chef Bernie invites you to go 'Bolwing for Burgers.'

Sunday...Be a part of the excitement as

we premiere our dazzling new

game show, 'Strip Solitaire!'

And then, join us for

some hilarious fun on the all

new practical jokes and bloopers.

And you won't want to miss 'Celebrity

Mud Wrestling,' with this week's special

guest, Michel Gorbavich.

It's a whole new weekend on U62. The reason Television was invented.

Be there! Yah

This is indeed a sad day for Channel 8.

We've been number one in this

town for the past ten years and now our sponsors are

pulling their accounts...we're losing valuable advertising

revenue...we're losing credibility in the market... and why?

Because of some fly-by-night UHF station. A UHF station!

This is an embarrassment. A disgrace!

What do you think R.J. Fletcher Sr. would saying if he were alive today?

Help! Let me outta this box! I can't breath in here! Help! Lemme out...

We've got to do something. We've got to do it fast. Who owns that station anyway?

Yodf!... Hey, Big Louie! What's happin'

Bad news, Mr. Bilchik.

None of your horses came in.

Oh, that's to bad.

So, a, what's the damage?

Seventy-five thousand dollars.

Uh... excuse me, Louie, I think I got some water in the phone here.

How much was that again?

Seventy-five thousand dollars. I'll be expecting payment in 2 days.

Two days?! Listen, Louie... I might need a little more time...

Friday night. Ten o'clock. Seventy-five thousand... in cash.

I'm dead meat.

Yeah, what?...

Mr. Bilchick? This is R.J. Fletcher.

Can I help you?

No, thanks. Just taking a few measurements.

Wait a minute, I think I missed something here.

Oh, didn't I tell you? I own this place now.

You what?

What's the matter, kid,

you got wax in your ears?

But my Uncle Harvey..

Harvey Bilchik is flying in tonight to close the deal.

I don't believe this.

Hold this kid.

George, do something.

Hey, wait a minute,

don't you already own Channel 8.

I mean, isn't it illegal to own two TV stations in the same town.

Oh, really? Gee

I guess I'll turn it into

a parking lot.

Toodle Lo

Harvey

I still don't understand

what this is all about?

I told you

, I just have to wrap up a little business deal and I'll be back in a few days

- and I'll tell you all about it then.

- You take care of you're self, you hear?

Bye

Bye

Hello? Oh hi George, it's so good

to hear from you? How's everything?

HE WHAT!

Harvey Bilchick! Get in here!

Uncle Harvey, at least give me a chance to match his offer.

Yah let me worry about where I'm going to come up with the money.

Yeah, seventy-five thousand, in cash, firday night.

George, where are you gonna to come up with that kind of money?

Yeah. And what are you going to do about Fletcher?

Yeah, I wouldn't put anything past that guy.If there were only some way we could keep an eye on him.

Harvey... Harvey Bilchik? Hey, great to see you. R.J. Fletcher.

Did you have a good flight?

Yeah... want some peanuts?

No, thank you. Mr. Bilchik, while you're here in town,

I want to make sure you're very comfortable.

Anything special you want, you just let me know.

Now, whaddaya say we take care of a little business?I've got all the cash

right here and as soon as you sign these and we can start celebrating.

Yeah, well, uh... listen, I

gotta talk to you about that.

What? What's wrong?

Well you see, the thing is...

that a I promised George that I'd give him a chance to get all the money

- by Friday night.

What are you talking about? We had a deal!

Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, this is just something I had to do.Don't worry about it. There's no possible way

that kid can come-up with seventy-five thousand bucks in two days.

TOWN TALK WITH GEORGE

George Newman. He starts where the others stop.

Sex with furniture, what do you think?

The world watched in amazement as he unlocked

the mysteries of Al Caponio's glove compartment.

AH HA!

Road maps!

He blow the lid off Satanism.

Look, all I was trying to say..

Oh shut up you pin head! You make me sick!

Sometimes shocking, always controversial.He deals with topics that the other talk

shows are afraid to touch.He pries, he pokes, he digs deep. He gets

the answers, he gets the facts,and most of all he gets the ratings.

Lesbian, Nazi Hookers, abducted by UFO's

and forced into weight lose programs, all this week, on 'Town Talk.'

George, what's a matter?

Stanley, you don't want to know.

Oh... why'd I ask?

Somethin' I can do to help?

Not unless you've got seventy-five thousand dollars.

No... sorry.

This is ridiculous. There must be something I could do...

The U62 telethon is on the air!

Hey, dad, you better turn on Channel 62. Something funny's going on.

Now, we're not asking for donations.

What we are doing is offering everyone in this town a unique business opertunity.

This is one share of stock in Channel 62.Our goal, over the next

day and a half,will be to sell seventy-five hundred of these at ten dollars apiece.

If we succeed, then the station will belong to all of us.

Now I'm calling out an S.O.S. Save Our Station!

We've got volunteers right over here that will be taking your money and they're gonna be here

around the clock for the next two days until every share is sold!

Whaddaya say, kids? Can we do it?

I think it's time you boys paid our Mr. Spadowski a little visit.

Um ya, I'm calling on behalf of our station

and were having this telethon

and where trying, really raisin'

a lot of money for

channel 62 and we'd really appreciate if

you could help us. Bring you're dogs down here

I'll wash them for you.

Well so far, guys your response has been really been incredible,

but we've still got a long way to go... Remember, when you buy stock in U62,

you're not only will you be helping yourself and the community..

You're doing great, Stanley. Now. remember, you gotta pace yourself..You got a long way

to go before tomorrow night.

I can do it, George... I can do it.

All right, now just take it easy...

Is there anything I can get you?

Some play-doh

Okay.

NO NO no, give some bubble some real big bubbles.

I'll 'see what I can do.

Who is it?

Got a pizza here for Mr. Stanley Spadowski.

Pizza? For me? Oh boy!

I like peppers, but I love anchovies cause there real fishy.

Some times I like to get a pizza with nothing on it but anchovies.

No peppers or olives or onions, just anchovies cause there good.

So... are we gonna kill him?

No no.

The boss just wants us to keep

him on ice for a while. Easy easy.

Hey... wait a minute... you guys aren't from the pizza place!

ON THE AIR:

George, George, you've got to do something.

Every minute Stanley's off the air, we're losing money.

Yeah... listen, just stall as long as you can. I'm sure he'll turn up.

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