Uncaged Page #3

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three sisters and a mother.

Brandon:
That must've

been one big bear, damn.

Yeah, yeah.

I think with bears

you're supposed to stand

and scream, I think that's

the standard procedure.

Uhuh.

Hmm, obviously they

weren't in the boy scouts.

Mike:
Please, don't.

Hey Jack, uhm,

if you wanna keep

sleeping outside,

that's totally okay, but,

could you just let me know?

You look like sh*t.

But you're really soft. Have

you been using moisturizer?

Yeah, it's like i

got hundreds at will

shooting out my a**hole.

Rose:
I'm

done with interviews.

I came to...

I was at the station last night.

Where?

On the other

side of the track.

Rose:
Did you see the attack?

I heard it.

Rose:
Bullshit.

What are you doing?

Why do you have this?

Don't touch him. He's sick.

So what did you

see last night?

I didn't get a

good look at it.

A big gorilla.

You don't believe me.

No, I do, I do.

Was it weird looking?

What did it look like?

Was it big?

Or was it weird and hairy?

Man:
Rose, who is it?

Time for you to go.

You are going to leave. Please.

It's got my

address on it, okay?

-I'm not taking it.

-Take it.

Nobody tells me there's

a guest in our house.

He just came to talk...

Who came to talk?

Jack.

I'm Gonzo.

Well, did she fix you a drink?

Rose, did you fix

our guest a drink?

He didn't want a drink.

Just because you're

settled and sobered up

doesn't mean our guest has to.

Jack:
No really, I'm fine.

Rose pour the scotch,

the good scotch.

Rocks?

You'll have to excuse my

wife's poor hospitality.

She looks sexy

sitting on my couch,

but she just isn't into

the whole housewife thing.

Guess I spoil you

too much, huh babe?

Guests first.

Have a seat.

No, you wanna hold that

with a strong grip.

So what brings you

to my castle, Jack?

I told your wife

i heard the attack.

Oh sh*t, so you were

there when that nig...

When Morris Wright got killed.

It ripped his whole bottom

half off, didn't it?

Maybe you could tell me what

happened to her wedding ring?

This is an important investor.

I gotta go.

Rose, if you will.

What up, motherf***er?

Gonzo:

Oh, I'm ready to bake cakes,

I just need some flour.

Hey.

If you need anything,

let me know.

Rose:
Thank you for coming.

Hey, what are you doing?

Just rolling a joint.

Yeah, it's kind of a

big milestone for me,

so, if you cannot

just hover over me

that'd be great.

Why are there animal

crackers all over the ground?

I don't know, I'm

not really focused

on the animal crackers,

because this is my second time

smoking, so it's gonna be

my first time getting high,

so it has to be perfect.

See it's, not too tight.

You gotta let the grass breathe.

Lesson number one.

Jack:
All right come

to my room, all right?

Okay, I'll be there as s...

Oh, sh*t.

-Howdy-doody.

-Jack:
Close the door.

Okay.

What are we watching?

Just watch this.

Well that's creepy.

What is it?

Like a YouTube video?

No it's from the gopro.

Is that the girl

from the news?

You killed someone,

you killed somebody.

I think I'm a werewolf.

That's a really bad

legal defense, all right.

We're gonna need to

get a lawyer. We need

to work on that.

Look, look at the hands.

Those aren't my hands.

Oh, my god.

Do you think I'll turn soon?

We should call someone.

What happened to your dick?

That's the real question,

you know.

Did that transform too?

Did it get much bigger?

-What?

-That would be good.

You should definitely

call someone.

Recorded message:

Uh hello, Wade here

from Nana's attic.

Looks like we've got an item

here for you to pick up.

Oh f***, okay.

I got some bad news.

-Jack:
What?

-I have some bad news?

Jack:
What?

Uh, we got like four more days

of you turning into a

werewolf, it turns out.

Isn't it only supposed to

last like one more night?

Brandon:
No, the moon

only has to basically full

for you to transform.

And I'm looking at

the lunar calendar, and

it says that we've got

four more nights of

basically full moons.

We're losing sun. This

is-- oh, f***ing Christ.

Okay, if the sun goes down,

I'm dropping you in the woods.

Because I don't think I should

be in the same car with you.

Thanks.

What do you expect,

I'm not gonna die for you.

Well, I mean I'd die for you--

I'm not gonna just die.

I'm not even dying for you,

you would just be eating me.

I'm not gonna be your dinner.

I'd sacrifice myself,

but that's a

different situation.

Anyway, I don't wanna

have to explain myself.

Jack:
Hi, I'm here

to pick something up.

Name?

Jack:
Jack, Jack luskey.

ID?

I lost it.

We're in a big rush,

if there's any way

you could hurry up,

it'd be great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah.

Out there.

Jack:
Excuse me?

Wow.

Yeah that's a nice one, hah.

Has a little wear and tear,

but it's sturdy as hell.

Must've been a rich lady

to afford a cage like that.

Real nice lady too.

This is excellent

ironwork up here.

Son, would you

get down from there

before you kill yourself?

Sorry.

Sorry about that.

The truck's for me too?

I'll drive my car.

Fellas?

Crystal:
I'm so hot.

Yeah, yeah you are.

You're hotter than your

profile picture, that's rare.

That's gotta

be the nicest thing

anybody has ever said to me.

Hey, do you know

about law and stuff?

Well, that's kinda non

sequitur, but I guess.

I just, I got

this friend Jimmy

and he was asking

me if, you know,

if an intruder broke

into your house

and, and this intruder, say,

had a record, and was

wanted for murder,

and, and you killed them,

is that a crime?

Well it doesn't matter

if they're a murderer,

in order to kill

somebody you have to feel

like your life's in danger.

Yeah but it wouldn't matter

either way, though, right?

He wouldn't get punished

if this was a bad person.

Okay, well, the Jew that

killed Lee Harvey oswald

still got in trouble.

Are we good?

Yeah, f***, sorry, I'm just

a little out of it I guess.

I don't know, maybe I'm

just not in the mood, I...

Well, that's not what

this little guy says.

Oh, oh...

It's funny you say that,

'cause I actually call

him little Turner.

Oh, so he's little.

Oh, he never stays little.

That's the trick.

I got an idea.

Now, what's that.

You care if I film this?

Only if I get a copy.

You are amazing.

Hmm, come here.

-You stay right here.

-Will do.

Don't move!

All right...

F*** it's not in here.

Crystal:
Forget about it.

I know where it is,

just stay right here,

don't move!

Hold that thought.

What the f...

F***.

-Brandon:
What's wrong?

-No gas.

Oh, sh*t.

The car doesn't have

a warning light or anything?

Man.

Jack:
How much time

do you think we got?

Oh god, I don't know,

when do you usually transform?

I don't know.

Do you think we can put

the cage in the other car?

Nah no way, it's

way too small.

Ah sh*t, sh*t, sh*t,

sh*t, sh*t man!

Sh*t, we're in big trouble here!

Jack:
Relax,

we're gonna be fine.

No, you're gonna be fine.

You're gonna be okay,

and I'm gonna,

you're gonna eat me.

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