Uncommon Law Page #8

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you weren't ready for a commitment.

You were talking

marriage on our first date!

So were you!

Yes, but not to you.

No, no, not to me!

When you went and threw

away everything we had,

I went home, drew myself a

nice long hot bubble bath,

poured myself a glass of wine,

and then saw a link on my

newsfeed to a certain blog,

maybe you've heard of it?

Much Ado About Ditching?

Imagine my surprise when I realized

that the latest post was about me.

Me!

Uh oh.

You were never really married.

No, not in the strictest sense.

As it turns out,

I was in just the position

to help you out with that.

Wait, you did this?

Yeah.

If you're gonna go around

telling everyone you're married,

I figured somewhere deep down inside,

it's what you really want.

Sh*t.

The crazy b*tch has a point.

Thank you.

Did Melissa file the papers yet?

Who?

My wife.

Oh, her.

Yeah, she has, actually.

Well can you un-file them?

No, sorry.

It's a little bit late for that.

Wait how is it too late?

She still needs a court

date with the judge.

Not if you're lucky

enough to know someone

who can get you in right away.

Especially when the whole thing

was just a big mistake to begin with.

Dammit.

She was with a really cute guy, too.

Where is she?

Hmm.

Well?

Court house is just

down the street, man.

(SQUEAKING NOISES)

I wouldn't do that.

Because the police are

about to get tipped off

about two suspicious young gentlemen

and a little hussy with

a really bad boob job.

Touch that phone and

it's going up your ass.

Right.

(SCREAMING)

You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

You broke my nail!

Cody, rent check.

Where are we even going?

Hey, it's Rumpledouchek...

- How did he get here?

- I don't know.

So, your honor, this is

really just a big mistake.

Stop.

- Brendan.

- What is the meaning of this?

There's been a mistake.

Yes, this young lady

was just explaining that.

No, not that.

I mean, well, yes that was a mistake,

but it's a mistake that should've

happened a long time ago.

Wait, aren't you the pizza guy?

Yeah, hey, Brendan, nice to meet you.

Didn't we have senior english together?

Yes, Jake, we did.

Not really the point right now.

Brendan what are you doing here,

I'm taking care of it.

I don't want you to take care of it.

You don't?

No, I'm an idiot.

I don't know why it's taken a

fake marriage for me to see it

but I can't spend the rest

of my life without you.

I'm sure Jake's a nice guy

and all, but this is me.

You know me better than anyone else.

And with the exception of about

one minorly important thing,

sh*t this sounded so

much better in my head.

You're the best thing

that ever happened to me.

And I'm sorry it took me

so long to realize it.

I love you Melissa.

Will you stay married to me?

Was the knee too much?

Nah.

You had me at, "I'm an idiot." (LAUGHS)

Yes, you had me there too.

Hey uh, your honor.

You know as their lawyer,

I would like to request that

the proceedings be thrown out.

Yes, I gathered that.

Oh cool, so we're good here?

Almost.

Bailiff, take this young man into custody.

What, why?

I promised your father

that I'd be hard on you

the first time you

appeared in my courtroom.

Since I've only briefly been

blessed by your appearance,

I'm low on options.

Yeah but you need grounds for that, huh?

Improper attire.

Yeah, fair enough.

As for you two,

would you like me to hold onto

this paperwork for a later date?

I think we'll be okay.

(UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC)

I took the good and took the bad

And everything that's in between

I saw silver linin' in

even my darkest dreams

But I did it all alone

Never know that I was incomplete

And you never knew you'd

be the better half of me

You pick me up

Lay me down

I will never, no I'll

never leave you baby

It's not where I end or you begin

No no baby

It's where we blend

Trace my mouth and learn it well

For the day I'm gone again

Keep my name on your tongue

Like yours is on my skin

Gonna lay my burdens down

And trade them in for steady hands

Studyin' one or more by the river band

All I need

I shall not want

All I need

I shall not want

I will never, no I'll

never leave you baby

It's not where I end or you begin

No no baby

It's where we blend

Let another year go by

Watchin' as the seasons go

We'll stay young and pure

while the world grows old

And I will kiss you when you wake

At night I'll kiss your heavy eyes

And I will keep you safe

from the world outside

I'll pick you up

And lay you down

I'll pick you up

And lay you down

I will never, no I'll

never leave you baby

It's not where I end or you begin

No no baby

It's where we blend

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